


Secret Dating

by I_nvr_wrote_it



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Angst, F/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-14 06:16:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 63,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13584030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_nvr_wrote_it/pseuds/I_nvr_wrote_it
Summary: AU starting with ‘I’m Leslie Knope’ (4.01)The breakup was amicable. Neither wanted it, but both knew it was the only way. They’d had fun, and now they had to stop. And they meant to.Really they did.





	1. I'm Leslie Knope

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote 10 of the 11 chapters of this fic years ago and posted them on LiveJournal. I'm ashamed to admit I did what I vowed never to do and left it unfinished. It has literally haunted my conscience for 3 years. I vowed to one day return, finish it, and move it here.
> 
> I'm ecstatic to say I did it! I wrote the last chapter! It's all ready to go.
> 
> And so it begins. I'm posting this here one chapter at a time to finally share the end. I hope it was worth the wait because I really love the twist I created with this story.
> 
> So please, if you enjoy this and have begun this journey again with me or for the first time, let me know! I’d love to hear what you think :)

**************************

When Leslie finally saw what was in that box as Ben slid it across the table, her mouth went dry and her eyes instantly welled up with tears. 

He knew. 

She should have known he’d figure it out. And he did what she hadn’t been able to bring herself to do.

The breakup was amicable. Neither wanted it, but both knew it was the only way. They’d had fun, and now they had to stop. And they meant to. 

Really they did. 

**************************

They went home separately that night. 

Leslie called Ann who rushed over and held her while she cried. She stared at that campaign pin through the blur of tears and told herself over and over she had no other choice. Running for office was her destiny. 

Ann handed her tissue after tissue and listened as she cursed the universe for giving her two wonderful things at the same time that she had to choose between and not giving her a way to have both. They opened a bottle of wine and after a few glasses, Ann was forced to confiscate Leslie’s cell phone when she tried to sneak away and call Ben from the bathroom. 

Ann stroked her hair and reassured her that everything would be ok even though she knew it would be a long time before it really was. 

She knew Leslie was in love with Ben, even if Leslie hadn’t admitted it to herself yet. She’d seen the way she’d been with other boyfriends, including Dave, and she knew without a doubt that Ben had been different. Quite possibly even ‘the one’. She admired his courage to do what Leslie had been unable to do herself, because it was more than evident that he was in love with her too. 

She stayed over that night and held her friend as she cried herself to sleep. She didn’t have a way to fix this for her. But she could offer a shoulder to cry on and unending words of encouragement for as long as Leslie needed her. 

Which turned out to be the entire weekend. She even lied and called in sick to her Saturday shift at the hospital, something she had never done before. But her best friend was in a really bad place and if there was ever a time to fake a sick day, this was it.

****************************

Ben went back to his house, thankful that his roommates were out for the night. He left his phone at City Hall so he wasn’t tempted to call her or incessantly check for a message he knew would never come.

He turned on the desk lamp in his bedroom so the only thing he could see was the picture of the two of them from Harvest Fest he’d tacked up before he’d even kissed her. That picture had been first a symbol of hope, a reminder of what hard work and determination could achieve. Then it became the focus of his desire; to be able to hold this beautiful woman who had showed him how to enjoy life again. But now, the picture was a symbol of loss. It was amazing to think how a single photograph could invoke so many conflicting emotions. 

He had brought home 2 cases of beer and a bag of ice. He packed a cooler with as many bottles as it would hold, and just stared at that picture, drinking until he passed out. 

********************

He slept until noon, stumbled into the kitchen for a glass of water and stared blankly at April when she tried to make comments about how awful he looked. She quickly caught on to the situation after her snarky comments didn’t even illicit a sigh or a frustrated glance her way. He just stood there silently, never moving, never speaking.

She left him alone for the rest of the weekend. He stayed locked in his room except to go to the bathroom. He alternated between drinking, sleeping, and staring at that picture. He finished all the beer and never once turned a TV or computer. 

*********************************

By the time Monday rolled around, Leslie had pulled herself together enough and had enough pep talks from Ann that she was able to arrive at the park wearing a smile. She had practiced it in front of the mirror all morning. She stood proudly at that podium, wearing the pin Ben had given her, and finally announced her candidacy to the citizens of Pawnee that she wished to serve. It was the only time her smile actually felt genuine. 

Ben woke up Monday and took his first shower in three days. He shaved and ate for the first time since lunch on Friday. He felt like he was outside his own body as he stood out in that park and watched his ex-girlfriend announce her candidacy. He clapped and smiled while trying not to run on stage and beg her to choose him instead.

**************************

That first week back at work together was unbearable. They avoided each other like the plague. Ben knew the rhythm of her heels hitting the floor as she walked. If he absolutely had to leave his office, which he made it a point to rarely do, he would be on full alert for their click in the halls. 

He and Leslie used April to send things between departments. And for once, April didn’t complain about having to do work. She was uncomfortable being a part of their shared misery, but she reached deep inside and allowed her long suppressed compassionate side to feel for their situation. As long as she never had to admit it out loud to anyone.

********************************

By Friday, Chris was convinced that Ben was sick and sent him home early with instructions to get some rest and take it easy over the weekend.

Ben headed straight to a seedy little bar he used to pass on his way from the Pawnee Super Suites to City Hall. He talked to no one, made it clear he was not there to be hit on and proceeded to get so drunk he forgot he didn’t live at the Super Suites anymore. 

He woke up in his old room the next afternoon. 

When he opened his phone to check his bank account and make sure he was at least smart enough to have taken a cab there, he saw the multitude of missed calls and texts, all from April, asking if he was ok and if he needed her to come get him. He texted back a quick “I’m alive” and powered off his phone, rolling back over to sleep.

*************************

Leslie spent the whole first week so inundated with Parks work and campaign start up meetings that she barely had time to sleep much less think about missing Ben.

But somehow she managed to. Constantly.

She couldn’t stay focused on any task. She thought of a million things she wanted to talk to him about. Everywhere she went, she was haunted by thoughts of him. 

She sent April to him with papers to sign that didn’t really need signatures. She found a strange comfort in holding a piece of paper that he had recently touched and written on. She found herself staring at his signature for indeterminate amounts of time only to be startled out of her own trance when an image of him naked above her would creep into her thoughts instead. 

She told herself she was stressed. That she was only feeling that way because she still had to see him at work. Anything she could to talk her out of the sinking feeling she got whenever she imagined the days, weeks and months ahead without him as a part of her life. 

Ann was working at the hospital on Friday night when she got out of work. She went home and couldn’t sit still for more than a few minutes at a time. She tried to watch tv, she put together a campaign binder but the pages sat blank. She finished up some Parks work and by 10 o’clock she was jumping out of her skin. She threw on a pair of jeans and a shirt and headed out to the Bulge for an escape. She danced, drank Leslietinis until she couldn’t see straight and then had the bartender call her a cab home. 

She woke up at noon with a terrible headache and a multitude of texts from Ann ranging from “Do you want to meet for waffles?” increasing in intensity to “I’m coming over there right now to make sure you are ok!”. 

As she was reading the last one there was a knock on her door. 

“Hung over. Just want to sleep. You can go home. I love you.” she texted back. 

The knocking stopped and she heard a car drive away. She groaned into her pillow and closed her eyes, willing the pounding in her head to subside.

When Leslie woke up later that afternoon, the headache was gone, but a constant ache in her chest had replaced it. She took a hot shower to try to relax and threw on a t-shirt, jeans and sneakers. She ordered take out from JJ’s and brought her laundry downstairs to throw a load in before she left. 

As she was sorting her clothes into lights and darks, she pulled a t-shirt out of the basket and froze. She recognized it immediately and before she could stop herself, she slowly brought it up to her face, closed her eyes, and drew in a long, lingering breath. 

It still smelled like him. 

Fighting back the tears that welled up, she dropped the shirt on the floor, grabbed her purse and keys and ran out of the house.

She sat in her car in the driveway, close to hyperventilating, as she told herself over and over to get a grip. She had to pull herself together. They’d dated for such a short time. She still had to work with him. She had a campaign to launch and she couldn’t be breaking down every time something reminded her of Ben. 

She rubbed her eyes and rested her head back on the seat. She’d been through plenty of breakups in her life, most not initiated by her. She’d dealt with the whole work crush thing with Mark already too. She’d even found a way to be friends with him after and give her blessing to him dating her best friend. An image of Ben and Ann flashed through her mind and she felt physically nauseous. She shook her head and dismissed the thought completely, forcing herself to start the car and go get her take out from JJ’s.

When she pulled into the parking lot, she checked herself in the rearview mirror and laughed at how horrible she looked. She wiped her puffy, bloodshot eyes, pulled her partially wet hair into a ponytail and managed to pull herself out of her seat only when she reminded herself how delicious those waffles were going to taste. 

As she walked in the door and headed to the counter, she made the mistake of scanning the restaurant. 

She saw him and stopped in her tracks, her sharp inhale causing her to step back and brace herself against a table.

He was sitting by himself in a corner booth, a half eaten sandwich abandoned on his plate as he stared out the side window. His face was at least two days unshaven judging by the scruff framing it. He looked like he’d been in bed all day but hadn’t slept a wink. Her heart felt like someone clamped it in a vice. She ached to go sit beside him and give him a hug.

He looked up at her just as she was about to continue up to the counter. He neither smiled nor frowned, just stared at her before downcast eyes turned to his plate. He pushed it aside, threw some money on the table and walked out the side exit door, never glancing back. She watched him walk to his car, head down, hands buried in his pockets. 

She never saw him drive away, because JJ called her name and she plastered on a smile as she paid for her waffles and walked back to her car.

She pulled out her phone and opened up her contact list, thumb hovering over Ben’s name. She didn’t know what she would even say if she called him and she knew it would only make things harder if she hit send. She powered off her phone and placed it back in her purse. She drove back home silently, and sat in her living room eating the waffles she no longer had an appetite for.

All she could think about was that damn t-shirt in her laundry room. The smelling-like-Ben shirt that she still had taunting her to come sniff it. Her thoughts became obsessive about it. She couldn’t focus on anything else. She needed it out of her house immediately. 

Grabbing a plastic bag and picking it up with cooking tongs to avoid the impulse to smell it again, she tied it up and found herself in her car, driving manically toward City Hall. 

She had to give him back that shirt. 

Why she absolutely, that instant, had to drive it to his office and leave it for him on a Saturday she had no idea. She was aware of how crazy she would seem to anyone who saw her, but she was alone, and City Hall was empty and if she was going to be able to be at home in her house the rest of the weekend, she had to get that out of there.

She pulled into the side parking lot that was only for visitors, wanting to avoid being spotted by the garage cameras. She used her keys to let herself in the back entrance, and made her way through the shadows, tiptoeing for no reason stealthily through the halls toward Ben’s office. She felt like a burglar hiding in the dark corners. All she had to do was just drop off that shirt quickly in his desk drawer and go home. 

Piece of cake.

What she didn’t plan for was Ben opening the door to walk out just as she pushed it to enter. 

She stumbled as her hand reach out to push it open and connected with air instead. Ben caught her by the arm as she started to fall. 

“Leslie?” 

“Oh, hello Ben.” 

Oh God, not the British accent again. Why does she always default to that? She made a mental note to order Rosetta Stone online in a more sexy sounding language. Maybe Dutch? Icelandic? What accent is sexier than British?

There was a pause where they both just stared at each other and Ben suddenly noticed he was still holding Leslie’s arm. He dropped his hand and stepped back like he’d been burned.

He broke the uncomfortable silence, “Why are you sneaking into my office?”

She looked around, “This is your office? I must have taken a wrong turn. And I wasn’t sneaking. I was just walking very quietly so I wouldn’t wake up the security guard. You know Art right? He’s the sweetest guy. He has 9 grandchildren! Can you imagine…”

“Leslie…” Ben cut her off and reached for the plastic bag she was still holding. ”Wait… is that my t-shirt?”

“Is it? Huh. I thought it was mine. I brought it in case I spilled syrup on the one I was wearing… well, if it’s yours, here you go. Sorry it’s not clean…” 

She handed it to him hastily, looking to make a quick exit. Real Ben smelled even better than T-shirt Ben and she was starting to feel the need to take a deep sniff of that one now instead. Or both. Or real Ben wearing t-shirt Ben, or wearing nothing at all. 

She was starting to feel dizzy.

“If it’s not clean then why did you bring it in to wear in case yours got dirty?” He was looking at her suspiciously now. 

Crap.

“And you don’t even have any waffles with you… Leslie, what’s going on?”

She sighed and dropped her head down and spoke in a low whisper, “it-smelled-like-you-and-i-had-to-get-it-out-of-my-house” the confession came out almost too fast for Ben to decipher.

“Oh…”

“I… I tried to wash it, but I couldn’t. I tried to ignore it, but I couldn’t think about anything else. I figured if I could just get it out of my house and bring it here and put it in your desk drawer…” her voice was starting to shake and she cursed herself for not being able to hold it together in his presence.

Without warning, he dropped the bag and pulled her into a hug. She buried her head in his chest and couldn’t help but to take a deep breath. Damn. She was right. Real life Ben smelled 100x’s better that t-shirt Ben. And had an amazing chest, and incredible forearms… and other non t-shirt parts that she was trying not to think about.

“I miss you so much…” 

Oh shit. She didn’t mean to say that out loud. 

She could feel his heart start to beat faster, she hugged him tighter, afraid to pull back and have any access to his terrible face. 

She tried to talk herself into letting go and walking away but her body wasn’t obeying her mind. In fact, her mind wasn’t even obeying itself because really all she could think about was how amazing it would feel to kiss him again. Her heart wanted to hold onto him as long as she could, her lady parts were starting to scream at her from the closeness, so what part of her exactly was in charge of making her walk out that door again? 

As she was still trying to figure it out, she felt Ben start to loosen his hold on her and pull back. Oh thank God, she sighed, Ben was going to be strong for both of them…

She looked up into his eyes as he released his hold on her, but his gaze was anything but withdrawn. In fact, his face looked rugged and worn, his eyes dark and wanton. She couldn’t stop her eyes from trailing all over his face. She paused her exploration to stare at his lips. Those amazing lips that she used to make out with constantly. She needed him to move away from her. She was mesmerized by his face and felt the irresistible urge to reach out and touch it, to kiss it. To have it moving all over her body.

But, instead of letting her go, he moved his hands up to cup her face and stroked her cheeks with his thumbs. She closed her eyes. She wanted him to kiss her more than she wanted anything else at that moment. Just one last kiss. Just one more to say goodbye…

When he didn’t immediately lean in, she forced her eyes open to see in intense mixture of desire and sadness staring back at her. He was using every ounce of his willpower not to close the gap between them, which left none of it remaining to actually pull back and leave instead. 

They both stood there, neither moving closer but neither pulling away. Unconsciously, Leslie licked her lips and it was as if a bolt of lightning shot through Ben’s chest. He crashed his mouth into hers without warning, and she immediately opened hers in response.

They made out fiercely with one another. Her hands were in his hair, stroking his scruff and running down his chest and his back. He absolutely growled into her mouth as she moved her hands over him, fueling his lust and causing him to back her up against the door as he closed it and locked it behind her. 

She wrapped a leg around his waist, needing the pressure of his already hard cock against her center. She grabbed his ass and pulled him against her as he pressed her up harder against the door. He dropped his head to her neck for a quick taste but then needed her lips back on his immediately. 

She clawed at his shirt, trying frantically to undo the buttons. As she worked them loose, she moved her lips down each newly exposed section of skin as the shirt came undone. Each lick of her tongue and suction of her lips against him make him groan and buck harder against her. 

When she finally got the last one undone, she tore the shirt off his arms and threw it across the room as she scored her nails down his back. He knew they were leaving marks, but she felt so good against him that he shrugged it off and instead grabbed her face and returned her lips to his.

She was whimpering and moaning into his kiss as he reached behind her and grabbed her ass. He pushed against her in one long stroke and her eyes rolled back in her head as she threw it back against the door. Ben grabbed hold of the bottom of her t-shirt and jerked it up over her head in one quick motion. He trailed his lips over the tops of her breasts as he reached behind her and unclasped her bra with a quick snap of his fingers. She let the straps fall down her arms and the bra fell to the ground at her feet. 

Ben’s lips were instantly on her taut nipples and she arched her back, pressing them urgently against his mouth. He nibbled and sucked on them until Leslie was moaning his name and begging for more. He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist, clinging to him and sucking on his neck as he blindly led her across the room.

He banged into the side of a chair which toppled over but he never broke stride, finally sitting her down on top of his desk as he knocked his pencil holder over and shoved his inbox to the corner. 

Her legs were still wrapped tightly around his hips as she leaned back on her hands and threw her head back to give him access to her front again. 

He moved his mouth back down her neck and lapped at her skin as he made his way back to her breasts. He lifted them both with his hands and alternated sucking and rolling each between his fingers. He pulled and flicked and teased them until Leslie was so wet she was afraid it would soak through her jeans. 

He was pulsing his hips against her, so hard and turned on that the need to thrust into her was taking over his body. Leslie reached between them to unbuckle his belt, but he grabbed her hand and stopped her. She shook his grip and returned to her mission, but he released her nipple from his mouth and rested his forehead against her breasts. He shook his head no when the words betrayed him. 

She lifted his face from her and with pleading eyes she begged, “Just one last time to say goodbye. We never got our goodbye…”

“Les, it’s only going to make it harder.” He whimpered as she reached down and ran her hand down the front of his pants and stroked him.

“I don’t think that’s possible,” she whispered. “Being away from you this last week has been unbearable.”

“But your campaign…”

“No one is here. No one will know. I need this, I need you. I don’t know how to move on from us. I can’t think about anything else…”

“Leslie, I miss you… you can’t even begin to imagine how much. But we can’t risk your run for office for a one night stand in mine. I would never forgive myself…”

An idea started to form and Leslie grinned from ear to ear. “Then let’s not make it a one night stand.” 

Ben looked puzzled, “It’s the definition of what we are doing… It can’t be anything but that.”

“It can if we keep doing it.” The plan was taking shape.

“Leslie, we already tried to date in secret and too many people found out. It’s too risky. Anyone could slip up and out us.”

Leslie smirked, “Then we will have to be sneakier than we were last time.”

“Les, you are the least sneaky person I know. And it’s not like we can undo the fact that others know. Ann, Ron, your mom, April… there’s just too many people.”

“Not if we don’t tell them.”

Now Ben was really confused. “But, they already know…”

“Wrong. They already know we dated before. And that we broke up. No one needs to know we got back together.”

Ben shook his head in amazement, “Leslie, you are clearly not thinking straight. How do you expect to keep this from Ann? Or me to keep it from April? I live with her. We aren’t any good at this!”

She took both his hands in hers. “Ben, I have been a disaster this past week. And it wasn’t even getting easier, it was actually somehow getting worse. I can’t concentrate at work, I’ve been staring at blank pages in my campaign idea binders, and one t-shirt of yours left in my house derailed my focus for an entire evening! We both know how we were caught before and can use those missteps to be smarter about it this time. No sleepovers so April isn’t suspicious. We’ll password lock our phones so we can’t accidentally dial anyone. My mom isn’t going to hit on you again now that she knows we were together and broke up, at least, I don’t think she will… no, she won’t, she definitely wouldn’t do that. Ann though… hmmm…that will be my biggest challenge… “Leslie scrunched her face in concentration.

“I know! I’ll throw myself into my work like I normally do during a breakup. I’ll still complain to her how unfair everything is, but I’ll let it taper off gradually. In a few weeks I’ll suggest we go to one of those singles nights to throw her off track. I’ll say that I can’t keep moping around about you and that I need to get back out there and keep my options open. You can go on dates with women Chris sets you up with so it’ll look like both of us have moved on! No one will even suspect that you and I are secretly dating!”

Ben’s jaw was stuck open, gaping at Leslie as she rattled off rule after rule about how to make this work. Part of him wanted to get swept up in her excitement, to borrow her rosy colored glasses and believe it was possible. Her logic actually made a lot of sense. They could start their whole secret dating over again, but this time they would know where they had been careless before. 

They were past the initial bubble of naivety. No secret meetings in Ann’s office. No public affection. They could be friendly at work and not have coworkers wondering why they were suddenly avoiding each other and no longer joking around and joining forces on projects. He almost fooled himself into thinking that it could work because he was so desperate to be with her in any way possible. 

If only the cynical side of his brain wasn’t blaring warning bells in his head.

“Even if we could get away with it, and believe me, there is nothing I would like more than to do this, there’s still one thing we haven’t considered.”

Leslie’s smile lost its hopefulness as he continued.

“Win or lose the election, I’m still your boss. Even if we make it through the additional scrutiny of the press following your every move, and that’s a big ‘if’ Leslie, there’s the unchanging fact that in the end, I am still your superior, and we are never going to be able to stop the secret dating and be a normal couple.”

Leslie’s face fell and she stared at him for longer than he was comfortable with. Her eyes filled with tears as she bit her lip and nodded her head. He looked at the ground and sighed, not happy to have been the voice of reason in an otherwise fascinating scenario. 

She hopped off the desk and he waited for her to move to gather her clothes. He was shocked when instead she slowly walked toward him and stood very obviously in his personal space.

He looked down at her as she pressed her hand against his heart and spoke the few sentences that changed everything.

“This past week without you has forced me to admit that our brief time dating wasn’t as casual a relationship for me as I wanted to believe. I have been dealing with some deep and very scary emotions that I tried to blame on everything but the way I really feel about you. This breakup affected me a lot more than I have allowed myself to admit. I’m not sure I even understand what it all means yet. But, it’s worth the risk and all the unknowns about what may happen in the future for me to figure it out. I know this isn’t just my decision. Your job would be at stake if we did this too. All I know for sure is that I want this. I want to explore us.”

He wanted to believe her that it could work. That being able to be together now outweighed the fact that they would never be able to just be a normal couple in the future. She had shown him the excitement and rewards of going against a careful and calculated lifestyle and taking risks for things you are passionate about. 

He had never been more passionate about anything in his entire life as he was about the woman standing half naked before him. 

He made up his mind as he watched her face cringe with the anticipation of his answer.

Screw it. 

The slight chance that they could make this work fueled him to throw caution to the wind and take the leap.

“Oh God, Leslie… I missed you so much…” He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her with such fervor that he literally felt her knees go weak. He backed her up to his desk again as he brought his mouth back down to her chest.

He knelt down in front of her and unzipped her jeans. He quickly shrugged them and her panties down off her legs, removing them and her sneakers all at once. He looked up into her eyes, questioning their decision one last time before he took this to the point of no return. She smiled and nodded, moving a hand to his head to pull him in where she was ready and waiting for him.

She lifted her leg and brought it to rest on his shoulder as he moved his tongue between her folds. He lapped at her dripping desire and moved his tongue flawlessly over her. She was already so turned on that it only took a few minutes of his expertise to cause her to legs to tremble, her hips to grind hard on his face and before he could even reach up to put his finger in her, she was panting and holding in her screams as she peaked.

She reached for his shoulders and guided him back up. She kissed him deeply, tasting herself on him and smiling before she dropped to her knees and undid his belt, pushing his pants and boxers down before taking him gently into her mouth.

He let out a low moan as she licked the underside of his cock from base to tip. She wrapped her lips fully around him and swirled her tongue around the ridge. He was panting by the time she grabbed him with her right hand and began to stroke him as she sucked harder and took him deep down her throat. 

He couldn’t take anymore or he was going to explode in her mouth. He grabbed her arms and hoisted her up on his desk, not even the slightest hesitation as he lunged forward and drove himself into her.

She bit down hard on his shoulder to keep from screaming as he entered her and covered her body with his. The movement of him inside of her again almost caused her to lose control and make enough noise to risk them being caught. But she was going to make this work. She could do this. 

She forced herself to remain focused on how loud they were. More than once she had to cover his mouth or stick a finger in it for him to suck on as he ravaged her on his desk. They tried to keep their mouths connected as much as possible to mute their gasps and groans.

She worshipped his name with soft whispers as he sighed hers over and over again against her neck. It wasn’t long before she felt the familiar sparks of build up return and she shifted her hips until he was hitting the perfect stop inside of her. 

She kissed his neck as his thrusts became more intense and sighed in his ear that she was almost there. He turned his head to cover her mouth with his as he started to lose control. She grabbed his face and they swallowed each other’s final moans while she pulsed around him and he emptied himself deep inside of her.

They clung to each other in the afterglow, sated and happy. Being back in each other’s embrace made them feel whole and alive again. 

Leslie spoke first as she stroked his hair and kissed along the side of his face, “We can do this. I know we can.” 

He looked up at her and saw a fierce determination etched in her features. It gave him the courage and faith to believe it truly was possible. She had the ability to make him believe anything was.

They would do whatever they needed to and be as careful as they had to in order to make it work. 

There was no other option.


	2. Secret Dating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I plan to post this at least a chapter or two a week as I review them, but I wanted to get this one posted sooner rather than later to keep the fluff going before the inevitable angst. So enjoy the momentary bubble!

******************************************

Not wanting to stop touching each other now that they’d reunited, Leslie and Ben grabbed discarded clothing from around the office and helped each other get dressed. Leslie handed Ben his boxers and pulled him close for a kiss as he awkwardly tried to pull the back on without breaking away from her.

“Did I ever tell you how much I love when you wear lace?” He grinned as he held them up to her on one finger before squatting down to hold them open so she could step into them. She tucked that confession away as she held his bare shoulder for balance and placed her bright red manicured toes through the leg hole. 

He only managed to let her get one foot back in before the pull to reconnect his lips to her skin was too much. He grabbed her foot and placed it on his thigh, letting go of the underwear so he could trail both hands slowly up her calves, kissing her smooth skin as he caressed her. He licked and sucked past her knee, and then up her inner thigh, eyes closed and mouth never losing contact.

Leslie panted as he inched his way toward her center. His hands were large against her. She smiled when she remembered noticing that feature about him as he waved them in frustration at her during their EBTF meetings. Those hands had distracted her long before she even admitted she was attracted to him. She had discussed them with Ann on many an occasion, especially once she realized her growing attraction. Ann had assured her there was no medical evidence to support the wives tale about the relation of hand size to other anatomical features. Leslie smiled to herself. 

They obviously hadn’t used Ben in their studies.

She let out a frustrated groan and moved her hand to stop him just as he reached her center and ran a hand down through her curls before peppering kisses just above her clit. She could already feel the pulse of desire starting again from him being so close to her lady parts.

“Unless you plan to break rule number one – no sleepovers – you’d better not start what we won’t be able to finish” she warned.

He smiled up at her from his kneeling position and with a devious grin, ran his finger along the outside of her slit. He followed with a quick swipe of his tongue against her before sitting back down and reaching for the other leg of her panties.

“You’re playing with fire there Wyatt,“ she warned.

He stood up, pulling her underwear up her legs with him and rested his hands around her ass. He pulled her toward him so they were pressed against each other, her hips firm against his. 

“I just want to leave you with something to think about before you go to sleep tonight,“ he teased as he moved his lips up her neck and across her jaw toward her mouth. He ran his hands up the small of her back and weaved his fingers into her hair as his lips returned to hers. She threw her arms around him and kissed him deeply. 

Her chest tightened at his mention of them sleeping apart that night. She wanted to take him home and strip him naked and wrap her body back around his like she used to. She wanted to wake up with him spooning her and kissing her neck and shoulders. She wanted morning sex and then breakfast after.

He felt her tense up and pulled back from the kiss. “What’s going on… are you changing your mind right now?”

She held his face in her hands and shook her head, quickly reassuring him that was not the issue. 

“No. Definitely not. It’s nothing, really.” He cocked his head and raised his eyebrows. She broke eye contact and whispered, “I just wish we didn’t have to go home separately tonight.”

He lifted her chin with his finger, kissed her fully on her lips and sighed, “I’m not happy about it either, but it’s the only way we can do this. If I don’t come home tonight, April will figure it out immediately. She wasn’t suspicious when I didn’t come home last night, but two nights in a row would raise all sorts of questions.” 

He reached over and handed Leslie her matching pink bra, holding it out while she slipped her arms into it. 

“Yeah, this is definitely my favorite set.” He mumbled more to himself than her. His hands took one last graze over her breasts, her nipples taut against his palms.

She blushed as he watched her through lust-filled eyes. But as she reached behind her to fasten the clasp, she paused, her face taking on a look of confusion.

“Wait, what do you mean you didn’t go home last night?” Oh God, she felt sick. Had he hooked up with someone?

He saw her face contort and realized what he’d said. “No no no! “ 

He grabbed her hands in his, “It’s not what you’re thinking! I got drunk at that crappy bar down the street from the Super Suites and woke up in my old bed. Alone, Leslie. It’s been years since I had a one night stand. As lonely as it was on the road for so long, hooking up with a stranger for a night was never my style.”

She brought his knuckles to her mouth and kissed them, smiling at his discomfort. “I’m sorry, it just sounded like… nevermind. Of course you didn’t.” 

He shook his head as she spoke, returning her smile. “That’s pretty crazy that of all the rooms you ended up in your old one.”

“Well… apparently I was so wasted that I argued with the receptionist that I still lived there and had lost my key. She told me it was easier to just give me one and clear it up with me in the morning.” He hung his head, embarrassed by how drunk and depressed he’d been that night.

But Leslie just laughed at him and let go of his hands as she walked over to retrieve his pants.

Feeling the need to even the score, she told him of her own drunken night at the Bulge and all the texts she woke up to from Ann the next afternoon as he slipped them back on.

“Looks like we were both in a pretty crappy place, huh?” 

She nodded sadly as she held up his button down and he slid his arms back in. He turned back around to face her and she fastened each one back up, frowning as she went. “I liked it much better when I was unbuttoning these,” she pouted. 

He handed her jeans to her and walked over to where her t-shirt lay sprawled across his desk. He gripped her waist as she reached up to slip it back over her head. His hand moved from her side across her belly and he grabbed her newly fastened jeans above the zipper, pulling her lower body toward him as he kissed her slowly and fully, his arms snaking around her soft skin to hold her tight against him.

“I know this isn’t going to be easy Leslie. The thought of you alone in bed at night instead of curled up beside me is going to be torture. But any stolen moment we get and knowing that you are still mine will be worth it. I know most of the time we are going to have to pretend that we are just friends, but all I’m going to be thinking is how badly I want to kiss you and touch you.”

Leslie sighed and rested her head against his chest. “Ugh… me too. This is going to take a lot of effort and discipline, but as long as I know that I can kiss your terrible face, run my hands all over your slight but powerful body, and grab that firm ass anytime I get the chance, this will all be worth it.” She dropped her hands to his butt and squeezed.

“So it’s not my quick wit or intelligence that attracts you to me?” He teased as she continued to caress his ass.

“Nope. It’s mostly just your butt.” She stood on her tip toes and reclaimed his lips, nipping at them and teasing them until she felt him start to stir against her again. 

They were having a hard time saying good night, Ben’s growing arousal causing him to back her up against his desk again. He stood between her legs, leaning on the desk so he could press himself against her, long, slow thrusts against her center causing her to whimper into the kiss. She finally released her grip on his ass, but only so she could instead wrap her legs around him, holding him tight so she could feel him tighter against her. It wasn’t until they heard the jingle of the security guard’s keys as he walked past Ben’s door that they finally jumped apart from each other.

Leslie struggled to calm herself down from that last make-out session, but Ben was staring at her, eyes full of want and desire. 

“Ben, that look right there is going to blow our cover sky high,“ she scolded. “Once we leave this room you are not allowed to look at me in public like that anymore!”

He sighed and rubbed a hand down his face, “Easier said than done Leslie.” He lowered his voice to a gravelly growl, “You’re just so damn sexy.” 

A current ran through her body and her face flushed hot from the rawness of his voice. No one had ever made her feel so desirable and it was doing strange things to her insides. She spun around and turned from him. “I can’t think when you say stuff like that.”

“Then don’t think,” he said as he walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She leaned her head back against his chest and tried to savor the feel of his embrace. She wasn’t sure when she would be able to be back in his arms again and it surprised her how anxious it made her.

She tried to turn the conversation to a less risky subject. “So how are we going to do this? We are going to have to come up with a lot of rules if we are going to pull this off.”

He turned her around and gave her a soft, full lipped kiss. “Can we talk about that next time? I know it’s important and we need to make sure that we have every base covered. And I promise we will because I really need this to work. But for right now I just want to kiss you and figure out how I’m going to be able to walk out that door tonight and watch you get in your car and drive away.” 

His eyes searched her face, his fingers feathered along the line of her jaw and she nodded. One step at a time. Tonight was sure to be the hardest. It was fresh and new and once they figured the logistics of this situation out, everything would just fall into place. They’d be back to their old routine - albeit with a new twist - in no time. 

She covered his hands on her face with her own, and laced her fingers in his. She had missed him immensely, and now she had him back. She had a hard time processing that they had only been apart for one week. It had felt like a lifetime. 

Leslie felt a knot forming in her stomach, and a new and foreign weight threatened to consume her from within. She quickly shrugged it off. She had gone through a really long week and even more emotionally draining night, and she needed time to process everything that had happened. She knew this reunion wasn’t going to be easy. That this time would be even more trying than the first. But as she stared into his eyes, she resolved to focus on the positives and deal with the hard times as they came because she desperately wanted him in her life, however she could.

Fingers still intertwined, she lowered their hands in front of her. She watched him through heavy eyes as she took step after step, backing slowly away from him. She laughed at the pout that formed on his face. The smile that formed next was genuine as he took in the sight of her before him. She wore the glow of someone who was happy. Everything about her face gave her away. Her cheeks were rouged, her smile alive. Her eyes were taunting and her lips were a swollen shade of pink he wanted to keep kissing so they always look that way. Her hair was all over the place, a sight he was no stranger to for sure. 

But something about her now looked different. New. His heart felt heavier, and the sight of her caused his breath to more than hitch. He actually felt like he had to struggle to remember to actually take one. As much as he wanted to take her home and feel her naked in his arms all night again, he definitely needed some time to process this night. To have time to figure out exactly how they were going to make this work.

So he didn’t lunge at her the way he wanted to as she backed away. They finished getting dressed and once they were all packed up and finally ready to part for the night, they allowed themselves one final kiss goodbye. It was soft and slow and full of emotions they weren’t anywhere near ready to label. Her hand held tight to the front of his shirt, his hands framing her face. He forced himself to pull back with a groan when he felt a stirring in his pants. 

She grinned with understanding. “We’ll talk tomorrow?” she offered as she reached for the door.

“Yes. Definitely. Call me when you get a chance”

“I have breakfast with Ann in the morning, and a shopping day planned. So it probably won’t be until early evening.” She didn’t want him to think she wasn’t calling because she was having second thoughts. 

He nodded, “Understood. No pressure. Just whenever you can.”

She opened the door and ran her hand one last time down his chest. “I’m not going to wake up and regret this, you know… just in case you start to worry.” 

He smiled gratefully as she waved goodbye and turned down the hall toward the exit.

He shut the door behind her, leaning back against it and wondering just how the hell they were going to manage to pull this off.

******************************************

By the time he got home, April and Andy were thankfully already asleep. He tried to be extra quiet so he didn’t wake them. He couldn’t risk giving everything away before he had time to come to grips with how to process the barrage of emotions running through him. This was too new and raw and would no doubt be written all over his face.

He went right to his room and locked the door, stripping down to his boxers and climbing in his bed. He thought about texting her a goodnight message, but figured they both needed some alone time to just think, so he set the phone on his nightstand instead. 

His mind raced immediately to all the ways this could go wrong. It was going to take a concerted effort on his part to reel in his feelings. He already ached to have her back in his arms, and it hadn’t even been an hour since they’d said goodbye. His mind wandered back to the feeling of her naked body in his arms and on his lips, and he drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face for the first time in weeks.

******************************************

Leslie closed her front door behind her and dropped her keys on the hallway table. She hadn’t stopped smiling since she left City Hall and she was going to allow herself to bask in the glow for one night without trying to place her feelings under a constant blanket of indifference. She threw a load of laundry in the washer finally, and hummed to herself as she turned off all her lights and walked up the stairs to her bedroom. 

Her flesh still tingled from all the places he had touched her. All the kisses and caresses he hadn’t been able to contain. She sat on the edge of her bed and closed her eyes, flashes of the night consuming her every thought. When she opened them, her gaze drifted over to the side of the bed he had always slept on. As she shifted to run her hand over the comforter, she caught of whiff of him on her shirt. She stood up and stripped down until it was the only thing she was wearing. 

She climbed into his side of the bed, and buried her face in his pillow. She lifted her shirt to her face and reveled in the fresh scent of him that enveloped her. Unfortunately, as comforting as the smell of his cologne was, it was not helping calm her racing heart.

She closed her eyes; hoping sleep would come quickly for once. But of course it didn’t. The images of his naked body thrusting into her wouldn’t cease. She picked up her phone from her nightstand and contemplated sending him a quick text, but if he had found sleep easier than she had, the last thing she wanted to do was wake him back up.

She set the phone back down and sighed. She hated that it had to be this way. That they had to hide their feelings for one another and steal whatever moments they could in order to be together. But the alternative was no longer an option for her. She wanted him in her life and Leslie Knope was not one to back down from a challenge.

Resigning that sleep was a long way off, she turned on her light and grabbed a blank notepad from her nightstand drawer. She began to jot down rule after rule as to how to make sure they weren’t caught. 

As her pen scrawled across the page, she found herself finding comfort and security from the plan that was taking shape. She vowed to read and revise these rules every night as to not become lax in following them. She fell asleep with the pen in her hand and a solid three pages of notes defining the do’s and don'ts of appropriately titled ‘How to secretly date your boss and run for office while making sure no one, not even those in on it the first time, finds out about it’.

******************************************

Leslie awoke with a jolt, the sun just beginning to peek through her bedroom window. It took her only a moment before the prior night’s activities came back into focus and she smiled big and wide as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She stretched and sat up, picking up the notebook from the night before and rereading everything she’d jotted down. She added a few more lines onto page four and closed the book, slipping it back into her nightstand. 

She was glad that the new day didn’t unfold with any regret or second thoughts, and that made her more confident that she was doing the right thing. She needed him in her life. Even if that meant she had to get by most of the time with just the knowledge of him instead of the physicality of him. She was ready to make this work. Now she just had to figure out how to find a way to stop grinning so stupidly once she walked into JJ’s to meet Ann.

******************************************

“You seem in better spirits today,” Ann commented as Leslie slid into the booth.

Leslie cringed internally at her transparency. Time to step it up a notch. 

“It’s a beautiful day and I am spending it with the most beautiful, scarlet macaw on the planet. I woke up and told myself I would not mope around all day no matter how much I miss him.” Well, at least that part was true. She did miss him. A lot. 

Ann smiled and reached for her hand across the table. “We are going to have a day of pampering, my treat. I made us appointments at the spa for after breakfast. The full package. Massages, facials, manicures, pedicures… you name it.”

Leslie had to admit that sounded amazing, but she was taken back when her first thought was wondering what time they would be done so she could call Ben. She shook him from her mind. This was her and Ann’s time and she felt bad enough lying to her friend in the first place. She wasn’t going to let him consume her thoughts on their girl’s day.

But she definitely wasn’t going to let Ann pay for her when she knew this was supposed to be Ann’s way of trying to make her feel better about Ben. 

“That is perfect Ann! But, I insist on paying for myself. Spending time with you all day is enough of a treat.”

******************************************

They spent the entire day together. They had their spa time, went to lunch and went shopping. Leslie saw a light blue lace bra and panty set that matched her eyes that she knew would make Ben drool, so she snuck back and bought it while Ann was trying on some pants. She shoved the small bag into the bottom of her purse so Ann wouldn’t question her sudden interest in sexy underwear.

When she finally got back to her car that they had left at JJ’s, it was almost 6 o’clock. She waved goodbye to Ann as her friend drove away and as soon as she was out of sight, she dug through her purse for her phone and shot Ben a quick text.

If you can talk give me a call. I’m on my way home.

She was disappointed when 15 minutes later he still hadn’t called her. She had arrived home and was trying to focus on making some headway with her campaign binder, but was instead checking her phone every 30 seconds and obsessing what he could possibly be doing that kept him from seeing her text.

When her phone finally rang after 20 minutes of silence, it startled her so much that she threw the binder on the floor and jumped up off the couch. She scrambled for her phone and after dropping it once and cursing at herself for being so frazzled; she took a deep breath and answered it.

“Hello?” … well that came out breathy and sultry.

He paused on the other line before finally speaking in a low voice back to her, “Well, hello to you too.” She could hear the smirk in his voice and something about the tone of his reply caused goosebumps to line her flesh and her lady parts to stir. 

She must have been silent for too long because he cleared his throat and continued, “Leslie? Are you still there? How did your day with Ann go?”

“Sorry. Yeah I’m here. And my day with Ann was amazing as usual.” She was feeling nervous for some reason and all she could think about was how to get him to her house as fast as possible. 

“She’s um… working tonight, and I… I’m just sitting here… alone… putting together binders…” She was blushing and stuttering and she hoped he got the hint without her actually having to tell him that she needed him to come over. Immediately. 

“Well, maybe we should… I mean… if you’re home alone…” He wasn’t doing any better.

“Do you want me to…”

“Yes.”

He hung up without saying goodbye. 

******************************************

She raced up the stairs and stripped out of her clothes, replacing the boring cotton underwear she had on for her day with Ann, with the new pair she had just bought. She spritzed herself with vanilla body spray and ran into the bathroom to freshen up. 

Now, what should she wear? 

She dug through her drawers. Sweats? Too unsexy and casual. Jeans? Too thick of fabric to feel him through when he was pressed up against her. Shorts? Too cold. Pants? Too dressy. Damn it! What do people wear at home to look sexy? 

She heard her back door close and he called her name which threw her into a full on panic. She couldn’t just be wearing underwear when he saw her! It was too obvious! She scrambled to find her robe to put it on but she had no idea where it was. She heard him padding up the stairs and she slammed her bedroom door shut without thinking. The footsteps came to an abrupt halt in the hall.

“Leslie? Are you ok?”

“Um… just a sec…” she whirled around her room and grabbed the first thing she found and threw it over her head.

She threw open the door and Ben’s face instantly turned from concern to laughter. 

“What’s so funny…” she glanced down at the garment she had hastily thrown on. It was on inside out and backwards, the tag was sticking up and tickled her chin as she looked down. 

“Did I catch you at a bad time?” he smirked as she swatted at him.

He grabbed her wrist before she made contact and shut the door behind him with his other hand. 

“As a matter of fact, you did… I was…” she tried to think of something to tell him to explain her state of dress but was drawing a total blank. 

“You were...?” He was teasing her now and the smirk on his face was derailing her way too fast. Every nerve ending on her body was at attention. He was only touching her wrist and she was swooning; completely unable to string together a complete sentence. All she wanted to do was tear off his clothes and devour him.

He started to walk forward, directing her backward toward her bed. His eyes never left hers, and they were dark and hungry. 

“I was… “ she tried again but all she did was breathe the words in a barely audible whisper.

“Maybe I can help you with that.“ The back of her knees hit the bed and he reached for the bottom seam of her shirt. “If I just do this…” He pulled the shirt up over her head so that it was right side out and handed it back to her. 

He was inches from her face but hadn’t yet made the move to kiss her. Her heart was beating a mile a minute and her palms were starting to sweat. She squeezed the shirt to try to dry them as he leaned in even closer, his lips so close to hers that his face was out of focus.

“Do you need my help putting it back on too?” He grinned before taking a step back. She was panting from having had him so close to her. He looked her up and down, his features clouding with desire as he slowly took in every inch of the sight before him. He shook his head and when he finally looked back up into her eyes, his voice came out in a sexy growl. “Fuck Leslie, you look sensational.”

She smiled at the sight of him coming undone and composed herself enough to play along. 

“This old thing?” she said as she spun around to give him a better look at the minimal material covering her backside.

He was on her before she could even finish her spin.

He lifted her up and threw her backwards onto the bed, his body on top of her before the mattress even stopped bouncing from her landing. He kicked off his shoes as he crashed his mouth against hers. The kiss made her body flood with desire and she clasped her legs around his hips, pulling him tightly against her. They made out so fiercely she swore her lips were going to go numb. 

He rolled onto his back, bringing her with him, their lips never parting. His hands were everywhere. In her hair, down the curve of her back and finally stroking the lace partially covering her ass. He groaned into the kiss and pushed his hips up into her while grabbing her ass with both hands and pulling her hips toward him. She broke the kiss so she could arch her neck and let out a loud moan. He took advantage of the expanse of flesh he had access to and ran his tongue up her neck. 

She lifted her upper body off of his, and he was immediately on her breasts. He nipped at her nub through the fabric once before yanking the lace aside. 

“I haven’t been able to think about anything else all day” He groaned as her nipple slid out, already firm and erect. He took it eagerly into his mouth as his other hand reached for the clasp on her back. He snapped it open and she pulled back from him just long enough to throw the bra across her room before he was back at her chest with a ferocity that made her flood with desire.

She quickly flipped them over while he was otherwise occupied and began to tear at the buttons on his shirt. “Get this off now!” She was frustrated and her face was scrunched up with impatience. He smiled against her breasts and lifted his body from hers to give her better access. 

She was so keyed up and her fingers were working so hard to open the shirt to give her access to his chest that she was shaking in anticipation. Once she had a few of the top ones undone, Ben suddenly sat up and yanked the shirt up over his head. The t-shirt came off with it and as he dropped it over the side of the bed, Leslie launched herself at him and he fell back, his head completely off the foot of her bed.

She didn’t seem to notice, or maybe she just didn’t care because she was all over him, kissing and rubbing her hands through the trail of hair that ran down the middle of his chest. She was moaning his name and grinding herself on him, confessions of her desire spilling from her lips.

“…I tried so hard not to think about you when I was with Ann today…

“…all I wanted to do was get back home so you could come over…”

“… feel you naked up against me…”

“… my god Ben, I am so wet right now…”

At her last utterance, she sat up and unbuttoned his pants so quickly he was still trying to process everything she had just said to him when she pulled his pants and boxers down his legs and tossed them somewhere near her window. She stilled for a second so he could move down and give his neck support back on the bed again. 

They smiled at each other and he reached up to cradle her face in his hands.

“I missed you today” she whispered as he stroked her cheek.

She turned her head to kiss his fingers while he admitted the same, “Me too. More than you can possibly imagine…”

She blushed under the intensity of his gaze.

“Come here…” he lowered his voice to an erotic whisper and she slowly lowered herself back against his chest until every inch of her front was connected to his. 

Slowed by the realization that there was no need to rush things like they did the night before, he rolled them both onto their sides facing each other. Their kisses became slow and full of passion and desire. The intensity of their touches heightened while the speed slowed to a crawl. They took their time exploring each other’s bodies as they used their mouths to portray just how long a day apart could feel. 

She hitched her leg up over his and pressed up against his thigh. Her arousal level was so extreme that just the pressure from that almost made her come. She was whimpering against his lips now as she slowly rolled her hips against him.

“Ben, please…” she gasped, “I need you…”

The only thing left between them was the almost non-existent stretch of lace covering her. He rolled her onto her back and kissed down her stomach as he reached for the panties and slid them off her. She spread her legs wide open for him, and he paused on his way back up her body to run a finger through her folds. She was soaking wet, and she gasped as his finger trailed over her clit.

“Oh god Ben…” she pleaded. 

He brought his body back up to her level, refraining from kissing her so he could watch as he rubbed his cock against her opening a few times, eyes fluttering closed from the surge of pleasure he felt as he became slick with her arousal. He looked back down and watched as his tip disappeared inside her and they both gasped and moaned long and loud as he slid the rest of the way inside.

He dropped forward and rested his forearms on either side of her head, his breath staggered and shaky from the feel of her. She immediately reached under his arms, grasping his shoulders from behind and buried her face into his chest. He thrust in and out of her with long languid strokes, reveling in the intensity of the feel of her pulsing around him. 

“Leslie…” he said softly as she began to compose herself and kiss across his chest. “You feel so fucking good I can’t even…” he didn’t even get a chance to finish his sentence before he became distracted by her lips moving up his neck to the space just below his ear. Her lips and tongue moving in that spot with such intensity while she trailed her hands down his back to grip his ass and pull it hard into her with every thrust, caused him to lose focus on anything else. 

He pulled her face back up to his, and kissed her so thoroughly and with so much passion that she felt like she was drowning in him. She felt completely outside her own body as he drove into her again and again, her hands continuing to pull him hard and deep against her as their pace and breathing increased.

She couldn’t keep up with kissing him as gasps and moans of pleasure began to spill incessantly out of her mouth. She lowered her head to his chest as she cursed his name and praised his body. 

She started to shake as her arousal intensified, and Ben began whispering into her ear. 

“You feel so amazing Leslie…”

She whimpered and thrust herself up hard into him meeting each of his own as he pressed down into her.

“You make me so hard…”

She yelled out as a wave of pleasure shot through her.

“I need to feel you come all over my cock…”

She tensed and screamed as the first wave of pleasure caused her entire body to seize.

“That’s it Leslie… come for me…”

She continued to cry out as she clenched hard around him over and over again. It was too much for Ben, and as much as he wanted to keep this going as long as possible, he was overwhelmed by the sight beneath him. How her face scrunched up in pure ecstasy as she craned her neck and his name came spilling from her lips. His orgasm came fast and hard and he joined her outpouring of adoration as he shot round after round of himself into her. 

As they stilled against each other and let the occasional after-pulse consume them, he felt her start to shake in his arms and he quickly pulled back and was startled to find Leslie crying into his chest.

“Les… what is it? Are you ok?”

She nodded against him as she tried to calm herself down.

“I’m just so happy Ben,“ she managed to squeak out as she tried to pull herself together. He felt himself relax and he smiled and kissed the top of her head.

“Me too…” he choked out, starting to feel overwhelmed by his own emotions as well, “I don’t ever want to go through being without you again…” 

Her body tensed at his last admission and he suddenly worried that the suggestion of forever was relayed way too early into their reunion. But before he could beat himself up anymore about it, she sighed in his arms and leaned up to kiss him. Her searching eyes and her small you won’t just before her lips touched his were all the reassurance he needed. 

Somehow, someway, he was going to find a way to be able to tell everyone exactly how in love he was with Leslie Knope. But for now, he was going to take every possible moment he could to make sure she knew just how serious he was about never letting her go again. He vowed to do whatever it took and follow every rule they conjured up to be able to continue to hold her again.


	3. Secret Dating

**********************************

“Ben wake up!”

Ben’s eyes flew open in surprise, his heart thudding against his chest. He raised his body up on bent arms and came face to face with a very panicked Leslie.

“What? … What happened?!” 

“We fell asleep that’s what happened!” 

She was on all fours kneeling next to him. The light was no longer filtering in through Leslie’s curtains and he tried to read the glow of the clock from her nightstand. 

“Good lord Leslie! It’s only 8 o’clock.” He lay back down, his right forearm over his eyes as he willed his heart rate to calm. “You’re acting like it’s the middle of the night!”

“It could have been! We can’t fall asleep like that Ben!”

He reached for her and pulled her on top of him, attempting to quiet her hysteria with a soft kiss. He stroked her hair and felt her relax in his arms as she momentarily gave into him. But, as he stirred under the sheets, she was forced back to reality with a groan. She lifted herself off of him, a serious look etched across her features.

“Ben, there is nothing more I would love right now than a repeat of our earlier activities but we have more important things to talk about that can’t wait. I have a list…”

He willed his lower extremities to calm down. He knew where this conversation was headed.

“Of course you do…” he smirked, teasing her as he reached out to casually roll her nipple between his fingers.

“Ben, this is serious!” her voice rose as she sat back out of his reach, her body reacting instantly to his touch. She could feel both her nipples taut and hard as she tried to remain focused.

“Leslie…” he warned as his cock pulsed from the sight of her quick arousal, “if you want to talk about this, you are going to have to put some clothes on or I can guarantee I will not be able to focus on anything you are saying to me.”

She tried to give him an exasperated glare, but he saw the smile hidden behind her grimace. 

“Fine.” 

She got up off the bed and reached for the shirt she had tried to put on before he showed up. Making sure it was on correctly this time, she sat back down on the bed.

“Really?” He raised his eyebrows seductively. “You know I know there’s nothing covering the bottom half of you right?”

This time his teasing was met with a more sincere pout as she sighed and pulled on a pair of sweats from her drawer.

“Do you want me to put on anything else?” she asked before she sat down again. She stretched her arms out to the side as she posed in front of him.

“I really didn’t want you to put those on in the first place…” he mumbled as she smiled and sat back down. He propped a second pillow up under his neck and crossed his arms behind his head.

“I’m all ears,” he smirked.

He noticed her eyes wander down his chest, stopping where the sheet was just covering the remainder of his arousal.

“Damn it,” she muttered as she jumped back off the bed, searching around her room for his discarded clothing. She returned to the bed, handing him his boxers and shirt. She turned her head to the side, staring at the patterns on her comforter while Ben very obviously stood up out of bed and started to dress. She couldn’t help herself as she stole one last quick glance. She crossed her legs a little tighter and quickly looked away.

He took a deep breath as he sat back down on the bed. 

“Ok. Now we are both completely dressed and if I know you as well as I think I do, you have prepared a long list of rules for us to go through.” 

“Ben, this is serious! We can’t risk being caught like we were last time!”

He smiled and took her hands in his, “I know, Leslie. I don’t mean to make light of it. I’m sorry. I’m just really distracted by you right now. I don’t want to think about how hard this is going to be once we are back at work tomorrow.”

She frowned and nodded. “I’m nervous about that too. That’s why we really need to be serious and talk about how we are going to do this.”

He stood up off the bed, and tilted his head toward the bedroom door.

“Let’s finish getting dressed and go downstairs.”

**********************************

They sat on her couch as Leslie went line by line through the notes she had jotted down the night before. 

“We almost broke the very first one on the list already, Ben! No sleepovers. This was the hardest one for me to write down, but I think, one of the most important for us to follow. I can explain a lot of our time together as us just becoming friends again, but I can’t think of any rational explanation for you being in my bed or at my house in the morning. It’s way too obvious. If Ann stopped by or my mom…”

He swallowed hard and sat back against the cushions. He agreed with the importance of that rule, but also knew it was going to be the most painful to have to follow. 

“I know you’re right. April would be on me like a hawk to find out who I was dating, and I definitely don’t need her drilling me for information. I’m just going to miss waking up next to you.”

She snuggled up next to him and he put his arm around her shoulders to hug her close. He kissed the top of her head as she softly agreed with him. “I’m going to miss it too, but too much is on the line for us to get careless.”

“Ok… “ He squeezed her arm and reached for the notebook with his free hand. “The hardest one is out of the way, right? What’s next?”

They gradually made their way through all four pages.

**********************************

“Really Leslie?? I can’t wear my dark tan pants? Why is that on our list?”

“Your butt looks too good in them and I don’t want to be caught staring at it…”

**********************************

“How is us eating lunch together sometimes wrong? We always did before anything happened between us. How about we have one day a week where we meet up for lunch. We can eat at City Hall so it doesn’t look suspicious. We’ll sit across from each other so I’m not tempted to try to touch you or hold your hand under the table.”

“We’ll give it a trial run in a few weeks and see how it goes…”

**********************************

“No staying after hours at City Hall together after 5. That may not be able to be avoided Leslie. I mean, we do still have to work together and it would be even more suspicious if you and I cut out every night at 5 on the dot.”

She smiled smugly that he was so appreciative of her work ethic, “Fine. Of course you’re right. We just have to keep the late night work nights to a minimum. No using this as a way to try to spend more time together if we really don’t have work to do. I can still stay late by myself though, right? I can even make some sacrifices and stay extra late and do both our work so we aren’t tempted being there together.”

He knew it was no ‘sacrifice’ for her to stay late and work harder, but he played along. “Of course. You leaving early would sound all kinds of alarm bells anyway.”

**********************************

“No texting at all during work hours? That’s a little extreme don’t you think?”

“Ben, what if my phone dropped open on the floor and a sexy text message from you was just out there for everyone to see?”

“Leslie, the odds of that happening…”

“…exist Ben! The odds exist! And if they exist, it means it could happen right?”

“I guess, but…”

“Ok, how about a compromise. Every week, you and I change our contact names for each other to different names so if anyone sees our phones they won’t know we’re talking to each other. Let’s be Hannah and Drake this week! Ooooh, we could role play different couples each time if we did this…“ - she waggled her eyes at him - “it could be fun…”

Ben took out his phone without hesitation, “is that Hannah with an ‘h’?”

**********************************

“No. I will not do that! Leslie, I already see enough of Tom and Jean Ralphio at E720. Do you have any idea what it’s like to have those two take you out and try to set you up with every 20-something half-dressed girl they see? No. I will not spend more time with them.”

“Ben! You may have to fake date sometimes! The people who knew we were together may think you are pathetic for pining after me for so long.” Then she added with a smile, “even though I am awesome and extremely hard to get over.”

“Believe me, the only thing more pathetic than me not dating is me dating someone either of them found for me.”

“And what about Chris? Or anyone else who didn’t know that we dated? Won’t it look odd that you live here and you aren’t at all interested in dating? I can see that excuse when you were moving around a lot, but now you are here permanently. And you are really handsome and have a great job. Have you seen the Pawnee dating pool Ben? I’m surprised you haven’t been hit on more to tell you the truth…” She looked at him skeptically, wondering why it was that women weren’t all over him. She wasn’t entirely sure how she would handle seeing someone hit on Ben.

She may need to think about this one a bit more.

“How about we table this discussion for a later date? None of us would hypothetically be ready to date again right now anyway.”

**********************************

“In case of the end of the world… Leslie, were you even coherent when you were writing these? They get more and more insane as we go.”

“Ben, with the amount of countries with nuclear weapons and the increasing unrest around the globe, it is not crazy to think that some country could strike a nuclear attack on the US for poking our nose into their affairs! If, and only if that happens, we can go public and await the end of mankind together.”

“Good Lord…”

**********************************

Ben paused on the last line and looked up to Leslie grimly before quietly managing to comment. “I can’t help out with your campaign at all?”

She held his gaze and tried to figure out if that rule could be bent at all. He was so smart and had already run for office once and won. But, working closely with him while trying to separate her feelings for him from William and Elizabeth as well as the rest of Pawnee was just too risky.

“I tried to think of a way around it, really I did, but my campaign is just too public. I can’t risk anyone even questioning that our friendship could be more. I’m sorry, but that has to stay separate. Please tell me you understand?”

He wasn’t sure he did. Sure, his constant presence publically may raise questions, he’d give her that. But not even behind the scenes? They couldn’t even bat strategies around in private?

“What if you and I worked on it in private? What harm could us strategizing alone do?”

She looked down at their intertwined hands and sighed, “I’m sorry Ben. I can’t risk you saying something about the inner workings of my campaign that a co-worker wouldn’t necessarily be privy to. I don’t like it either, but I just think us keeping that out of our relationship is for the best. It’s just too easy for us to slip up. Please? Please understand that I’m already risking my election by being with you. I can’t draw any attention to us while I’m campaigning.”

“Ok. I get it. But I think I could really help and if you have anything you ever want to talk to me about or run by me, I’m here for you.”

She smiled and snaked her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest. 

“Thank you for making my life so wonderful.”

**********************************

They made it through the entire list, adding some additional lines to page four, when Ben caught himself mid-yawn and pulled out his phone to check the time.

“Oh shit Leslie, it’s already 11 o’clock! I have to go or there will be an inquisition when I get home.”

They stood up and wrapped their arms around each other, neither wanting to make the first move to pull apart.

Leslie looked up and pressed her lips to his, “Tomorrow is going to be really strange isn’t it?”

He cupped her face in his hands and pressed his forehead to hers, “Yes, I’m sure it will be torture, but with us as my motivation, I can do anything.”

She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling her body in close against his as she kissed him goodnight, “Me too.”

**********************************

Leslie spent her whole morning at her desk. Ben didn’t pop in the Parks department like she hoped he might, but she had to remind herself that as of last Friday they still had April running interference for them, so his sudden reappearance would be a red flag for sure. All she wanted was a peak at her boyfriend’s terrible face, was that too much to ask?

By lunchtime she was fidgeting in her seat, trying to talk herself into staying at her desk instead of sneaking into his office and see him. Her foot has shaking non-stop under her chair as she tried to relieve some of the pent up energy she had and keep herself seated. 

Thank God for Ann showing up unexpectedly and wanted to go to lunch because she was about 5 minutes away from breaking many of her own rules to go find out where he was.

**********************************

“Leslie, are you doing ok? You seem really distracted and distant today.” Ann’s concern for her friend was touching, and unfortunately the truth.

She shook her head, “It’s just been a rough morning Ann. Knowing he’s in the building and wanting to go see him is killing me.” Well, at least she didn’t have to fake that.

Ann took her hand across the booth at JJ’s. “It will eventually get better, trust me. I know you have strong feelings for him and working in the same building has to be completely unnerving, but you know you two did the right thing, you know? I mean, you aren’t having second thoughts about any of this are you?”

If she only knew.

“No. I’m not having second thoughts. We made our decision and we just have to live with it.” Again, not really a lie. “It just really sucks.”

Ann squeezed her hand before letting go as their plates were placed on the table. “I’m sorry. Just know I’m here for you whenever you need me.”

Leslie forced a sad smile when the reality of not being able to talk things through with Ann anymore really set in. She was all alone this time. Well, not alone alone, but the only person she could talk to about Ben now was Ben. She felt a pang of guilt flash through her chest as she sat in front of her best friend. Was she a horrible person for still wanting to do this anyway?

**********************************

At 4:30, she couldn’t take one more second of silence. She had already snapped at Andy, yelled at April and except for Donna who was giving her the evil eye through the window, now no one would even look at her as she paced her office. Well, at least she didn’t have to worry about giving her new-found happiness away.

She got out her phone and sent him a quick text.

Hi

A few minutes later her phone buzzed.

Hey. How are you holding up?

Terrible. I miss your face.

Me too. Call you after work?

Ok.

**********************************

“Please tell me every day is not going to be this hard!” she groaned as she picked up the phone and slumped down onto the corner of her bed.

He chuckled on the other end of the phone at her greeting, “Now Leslie, what if someone had picked up my phone and called you accidentally? Wasn’t answering your phone businesslike every time I called you like rule number 22 or something?”

She scrunched up her face to stop from scolding him for teasing her. “Actually, it’s rule number 35 and since we are no longer using our real names as contacts I think we can agree to cross that one off the list.” 

He laughed again and she felt her body begin to relax, “Ugh. Ben, today was so awful! I had to stop myself from coming to see you like a million times!”

His mood turned a bit more serious, “You think that’s bad, I actually went for a jog with Chris today because I was so keyed up and he wouldn’t stop asking me what was wrong. I used a jog to distract him. Do you know when the last time I ran was Leslie? I thought I was going to die!”

The thought of him succumbing to a run to stop thinking about her made her feel better about her day. 

“You’re right, yours really was worse.”

They sat in silence for a few seconds before Ben finally spoke again, “I wish I was there with you right now,” he sighed. “How is it possible that I miss you this much after just one day?”

Leslie’s stomach twisted at the yearning in his voice. She lay back on her bed and closed her eyes, trying to picture how he would look at her as he told her that. “This sucks! I want you to come over here so bad right now. And it’s not like that’s going to change. I’m sure I’m going to feel this way every night.”

She could hear his breath skip on the other line as her words sunk in. “And I can’t possibly come over there every night. Even though I will want to. All the time. And you can’t come here, like ever, so we are just going to have to make do with phone calls I guess.”

“I guess…” she reluctantly agreed. “You have unlimited minutes right?”

She could hear the smile in his voice, “ever since the shut down when you called me 20 times a day.”

She laughed at the memory, “all you had to do was call me back Mr. Wyatt and agree to meet with me and I would have called you less.”

“No, you wouldn’t have.“

“Yeah, you’re probably right. God, I hated that you were so damn cute and such a hard ass at the same time,” she confessed. “It actually made me even more furious with you that you could throw me off my game with a smirk and a smug look while making me so angry at the same time by denying all my requests.”

“Yeah, well you were this tornado of fury and fire that I wanted to be so angry at all the time but I found myself drawn to constantly. No one had ever caused me to be so off balance before and made me so frustrated at the same time. I was mad at myself for wishing I could give in to you but at the same time I wanted to just back you up against a wall and devour you.”

It was that last sentence that broke her. She unzipped her pants and took them off.

“Are you in your room right now?” 

“Yeah…” his voice trailed off.

“What are you wearing?” she breathed seductively as she slid her hand into her panties, trailing through her curls to where she needed relief.

“Holy shit you’re amazing…”

**********************************

The next few days at work were more of the same. 

They did see each other occasionally, but a small wave or a curt “hello” exchanged between them was all they allowed themselves. She still used April if she needed to send papers to Ben, and Ann made sure she had a lunch companion the whole week, sympathizing with Leslie when she witnessed their strained greeting in the hall on one occasion.

She still thought about him constantly, but their nightly confessions of their torturous days and the eventual phone sex helped her to deal with the absence of him the rest of the time.

But phone sex was one thing. Actually being able to touch him was a need that couldn’t be satisfied without the real thing and by the end of the week she was so desperate to have his body against hers she was a jittery nightmare.

At 5:00 Friday, she sent him a text.

Wanna sneak over tonight instead? I don’t think I can wait until tomorrow.

Crap, I already told Andy I’d hang with him because April is going out with her sister.

Grrr… ok fine. It’s fine. I just miss you. Don’t break your plans.

You know I would rather see you, right?

She smiled. He made her insides feel like warm brownies and she had the passing thought that she wanted him to make her feel this way forever.

Of course. We made it this long, what’s one more night, right?

Yeah… one more night. 

…Now I don’t want to go anymore.

Stop it. Go have fun and call me tomorrow.

OK. Miss you.

Miss you too…

**********************************

She spent the evening at home, finally making headway on her campaign binder and catching up on some documentaries she recorded. She actually made an effort to clean her house in anticipation of him coming over. 

Her cell phone rang as she was climbing into bed. 

Drake Mathers.

She smiled as she answered it. Unfortunately, she was met with a blast of loud music and Ben screaming into the phone.

“Heeeey sexy! Whatcha doin?”

“Ben are you drunk?”

“Naaaahhhhhh… um maybe a l’l… Andy’s talkin to s’friends, so I’m gonna talk to mine”

“Do you need a ride? Are you ok?”

“S’all good cupcake… just hangin’ with my bro.”

God he’s cute when he’s drunk.

“Don’t let him hear you on the phone with me!”

“He can’t hear… “ the phone suddenly muffled…”what?? No Andy… it’s… it’s my mom.”

His voice became clear again.

“Ok, I love you… gotta go…”

The line went dead. She froze with it still by her ear.

I love you?! 

Was that meant for her or for his ‘mom’? It had to be for his mom. Right? Definitely. 

Or not. 

Did he love her? 

She had to call Ann… 

Nope. Couldn’t call Ann. 

She certainly couldn’t call Ben back and ask him. That could be weird. What if it was just to make the whole ‘mom’ thing convincing and she made a fool of herself by asking him?

Why was she so panicked about this anyway? Did she want it to be for her? She knew she wanted to continue to date him, but love him??

Her heart was racing, her vision started to blur and she feared she might be hyperventilating. She needed Ann. Smart, majestic, unicorn Ann would know what it had meant.

What if she told Ann about everything and kept that a secret from Ben? 

No. One set of secrets was enough. 

Her mind continued to race until she finally fell asleep. Her dreams were all over the place, and she woke up exhausted and more confused than the night before.

She quickly picked up her phone to check to see if ‘Drake’ tried to contact her again, possibly to explain himself? But there were no more calls or messages.

It was only 5:30 so it was too early to call him. She would just have to wait until he woke up and called her. He would be over later anyway. They would definitely talk about it all then.

**********************************

Ben woke up on the couch, hungover and disoriented. Something was poking him in the head but he couldn’t move. 

“Get up. You’re in my spot.”

April was standing over him holding a bowl of cereal, jabbing at him with her spoon.

“Dude!” Andy launched himself onto the couch next to Ben, the movement almost causing him to puke. “That was so much fun last night! I can’t believe how drunk you were!” 

He turned to April who was now tapping her spoon on Ben’s head. “Babe, he was so wasted I had to carry him in here from the cab! He kept mumbling Leslie’s name the whole time. Our boy’s still got a crush on Leslie, isn’t that so cute?”

Ben groaned and stood up, the rush of blood to his head causing him to stumble as he made his way to his room and shut his door. He collapsed on his bed and blindly patted his pants pockets for his phone. He started to panic slightly when he couldn’t find it, but then April opened his door and leaned against the doorway, turning his phone over on her hand.

“Looking for this?” she taunted.

“Yeah, thanks.” He reached out for her to hand it to him.

“Not so fast lover boy. Why is it password locked all of a sudden? You never lock your phone.”

“Maybe I was tired of you always looking through it,” he mumbled as he turned his head away from her and buried it in his pillow.

“You’re hiding something. Don’t think I won’t find out what it is.” She threw the phone on his bed and closed the door behind her as she left.

Shit. 

Well, at least one of Leslie’s rules paid off.

He didn’t remember texting or talking to Leslie last night, but then again, the latter part of the night was a blur. Andy is twice his size but ordered shots and beer (on his tab of course) for both of them like they were equals. Ben had no idea why he felt pressured to keep up with him.

He opened his phone and saw a barely decipherable text that, luckily, was still a draft and hadn’t been sent. 

Haaay beutifll. I wisgh yu wer in miy bed at mi hosue. And nakd. Dd I evr tel yu I luv u? cuz I doooo.

Ben’s eyes shot open and he quickly deleted the draft. Oh thank god he didn’t hit send. Leslie receiving a drunk ‘I love you’ message was definitely not the way he wanted to tell her that for the first time. 

His relief was short lived when he opened his call log and saw his last call was to Hannah at 1:38 am. He strained to remember that conversation, but he came up blank. He looked at the call details. It was only 42 seconds long. How much of an ass could he have made of himself in under a minute? Maybe he left a voicemail and never really talked to her at all. Please don’t let him have said anything embarrassing…

He opened his desk drawer and took out a bottle of Tylenol, popping 3 in his mouth and downing the last half of a warm bottled water still sitting on his nightstand from the day before. He needed a few minutes to let those kick in before he could do any kind of damage control. He wasn’t supposed to be at Leslie’s until 4 (Ann had to work at 3:30 so there was no chance of her stopping by unexpectedly) so maybe a quick nap wouldn’t be such a bad idea…

**********************************

He woke up to a quiet house later feeling a hundred times better than he had earlier that morning. He got something to eat to ease his growling stomach, took a shower and shaved and finally sat down on the couch to call Leslie and find out what had happened the night before.

She answered on the first ring.

“Hey!” she sounded happy to hear from him. Well, that was a good sign.

“Hey… sorry it took so long for me to call. I…um… wasn’t feeling too great this morning.”

She laughed, “I figured. You were pretty wasted last night when you called me.” Ok, so we’re just going to jump right into it apparently.

“Yeah… I kind of don’t really remember doing that at all… I’m… sorry… I think?”

“No! You don’t have to be sorry!” her voice raised a few notches. He had a bad feeling about this.

“So… did I say anything… embarrassing?”

“What?” another few notches. Yeah, he definitely said something. “No, you just wanted to say hi. Nothing bad. Nope. Just your usual drunk guy stuff.” Usual drunk guy stuff? Oh no.

“Leslie, what are you not telling me?” he groaned.

“Nothing. It’s nothing. Andy came over and you told him you were talking to your mom. Then you hung up. That’s it. Nothing out of the ordinary. Everything’s good.”

He didn’t want to push it anymore, but there was definitely something she didn’t want him to know about that call. Time to change the subject. 

“So… are we still on for later?” 

“Yes! Of course!” Well at least she sounded sure of that. Whatever he had said couldn’t have been that bad then.

“See you at 4 then…”

“Can’t wait…”

**********************************

By quarter to four, the anticipation of being able to finally touch Ben after the long week at work had Leslie so on edge she wanted to scream. She was well on her way to wearing a runway down the center of her living room carpet and she’d checked the clock on her wall so frequently she was convinced it had stopped working because the minute hand never appeared any closer to the top.

At five minutes to four there was a soft knock on her back door. She tried to keep herself composed as she moved to answer it, but the urge to run through her house took over. She threw the door open, grabbed his arm and yanked him inside. She checked behind him quickly for any nosy neighbors, and then slammed the door shut. He didn’t even get to say hello before she launched herself at him and crashed her lips fiercely against his, a week’s worth of desire released, as they both stumbled backward into the door.

He responded without hesitation, wrapping his arms around her waist and shoulders, pulling her tightly against his body. She was working frantically at the buttons on his shirt as his fingers wove through her hair and down her neck, roughly grabbing her breast as she groaned against his lips. 

He lifted her shirt off once she finished unbuttoning his and quickly unhooked the front clasp of her bra as his hands wandered down to grip her ass. He picked her up, her legs immediately wrapping around him. He kicked off his shoes and made his way through her kitchen and into the living room, barely able to see where he was going as their kisses increased in intensity, their need to touch every part of each other impeding their movements.

He laid her down on the couch, pushing his length against her center as his body covered hers. Her hands flew to the button on his jeans and he lifted his lower body off hers as she hastily yanked his pants and boxers down as far as her arms could reach. He took over and kicked them the rest of the way off onto the floor, his unbuttoned shirt the only piece of clothing left. He had a fleeting thought to take it the rest of the way off, but he couldn’t stop touching her long enough to actually do it. 

She pushed his body off of hers, never breaking their kiss, and she slid her own pants off without his help. Ben moved to lay them back down on the couch, but she stopped him and instead climbed onto his lap. As he felt her wetness against his cock, his lips left hers for the first time since he walked in the door. She kissed down his neck and ran her hands over his chest as he threw his head back and groaned.

His cock was pressed between her folds, and he pushed his hips up so it slid against her clit. She cried out so loudly he was afraid anyone walking past the house was going to hear her. He opened his mouth to warn her, but her lips were back on his and his cock was at her opening faster than he could form his sentence. Her lips held contact with his but stilled against him as she lowered herself down onto him. 

“Fuuuuuck I missed you so much,” she gasped as she grabbed the back of the couch for leverage and began to ride him. Her hair fell in her face and her body took over, all coherent thought lost as she closed her eyes and just let herself feel. 

His breath was hot against her neck, his lips struggling to attach as he panted and moaned against her skin. His hands were on her hips, pressing her down harder against him each time she moved. He slid his hands lower and grabbed hold of her ass, guiding her over him as he began to thrust up hard into her. 

She stilled and raised her hips to give him more room to move, the slight lift of her body allowing him access to her breasts. He took one into his mouth, rolling his tongue over a taut nipple quickly before releasing it. They bounced faster against his face as he increased his rhythm, and he let his tongue lick each one occasionally. The constant stimulation caused her to build fast, and before she could stop herself or try to hold out, she felt wave after wave of her orgasm clench around his cock. 

Once she came down from her high, he grabbed her around her waist and repositioned her quickly so she was underneath him. He grabbed under her right knee and held her leg in the air as she lifted her hips to give him access to the deepest parts of her. His movements quickly turned erratic as he started to grunt with every thrust. He surprised her at the end when he quickly pulled out of her and stroked his cock as he came all over her stomach and even managed to have a few stronger ones reach across her chest.

He slid back along side of her on the couch and buried his sweaty forehead into her neck.

“Shit… sorry Leslie… it was too intense… I had to pull out…”

She smiled and pushed her hand through his hair, moving the pieces stuck to it back out of the way. “Don’t be sorry, “ she said in a sultry voice, “I thought it was really hot watching you come all over me.”

He groaned and struggled to lift his head, but she pushed it back down on her shoulder and continued to run her fingers through his hair as he fought to catch his breath. She loved the way his hair felt through her fingers, so incredibly thick and even softer than she remembered. She scraped her nails along his scalp and turned her head so she could bury her face in him. 

“Besides,” she whispered as she held him close, “now we get to shower and you can wash it off of me.”

**********************************

They spent the rest of the evening eating take out and just lounging around in her living room. Neither of them brought up the phone call from the prior night again. They each rationalized it away separately as just a silly drunk call. 

They watched a history channel documentary and remained wrapped in each other’s arms on the couch. They made out during every commercial break and took their time pleasuring each other again before reluctantly admitting it was time for him to leave. 

They both already knew they wouldn’t see each other on Sunday, and since she had a campaign meeting Monday and a book launch on Tuesday, they decided not to make any plans for the next week and to just take things day by day. They kissed goodbye in her dark kitchen, both feeling the urge to say more, but not allowing any declarations to reach their lips. 

He smiled sadly and walked through her backyard to the gate behind her house. He looked back with a small wave as he snuck out of her yard into the dark alley behind it.

She closed the door in her kitchen and a sudden urge to cry took her by surprise. She blinked her eyes and pushed the feelings away, choosing instead to focus on how happy he made her when he was there and not how sad she felt when he left.


	4. Secret Dating

**************************************

“This is the worst day of my life!” 

Ben had to hold the phone away from his ear as Leslie overdramatized having found out she was born in Eagleton.

“Leslie, I’m sure worse things have happened to you in your 35 years on this planet than learning you happened to be born in a hospital in a neighboring town.”

“Ben, did you hear me? Eagleton Ben… EAGLETON!! My political career is over. No one in Pawnee is going to elect someone from Eagleton to represent their town. I might as well just move there and snip dead petals and leaves off flowers in parks for a living now. Did you know that is an actual job there, Ben?”

Trying hard to be supportive, but visibly holding back a laugh at Leslie’s tendencies to go overboard, he did his best to put a positive spin on it for her. 

“Don’t you think it means something that even though you were technically born in Eagleton you have never actually lived there?”

She sighed in defeat, “I doubt it Ben. This isn’t like being born in Indianapolis or Muncie. The scars from the damage done by Eagleton’s snobby jerks run deep in Pawnee. This isn’t just going to blow over.”

Ben tried another tactic, “Do you want me to come over and I can help you feel better?”

He heard the hesitation on the other line before she turned him down. “That’s tempting, but really, I don’t think I’d be very good company tonight. I staked my reputation on this book Ben. You didn’t see their faces at that book signing. They were out for blood. My blood. It’s like they could smell I was from Eagleton before I even knew it myself. You never know who might be lurking around waiting to graffiti my house or throw eggs at my windows when I’m not looking. I don’t need anyone seeing you sneaking in and having something else to go to Joan about.”

She was right. Well, not about the graffiti or egging, although, this is Pawnee and he’d been to one too many town forums to put anything past anyone, but she did have a point about not needing anything else scandalous for the townspeople to talk about right now.

“Ok, I understand. Try to get some sleep ok? If you need to talk you know you can call me anytime, right?”

The sadness in Leslie’s voice was painful for him to hear, “Thanks, but I really just don’t want to talk about it anymore. I want to forget Eagleton even exists. I don’t know how I’m going to rebound from this Ben. I think I’m just going to go take a long bath and go to sleep. See you in the morning?”

He felt so helpless not being able to be there for her when she was all alone at home brooding. He thought about just going over there anyway and surprising her, but he didn’t want to upset her anymore than she already was.

“Sure, “ he hung his head and rubbed his eyes with his free hand. “See you in the morning.”

**************************************

He couldn’t believe the turn of events the next day as Leslie pulled herself together and, using Chris’s advice, managed to secure the book sticker from Joan and work herself back into Pawnee’s good graces. As he watched her assure the citizens of Pawnee that where you were born is just a piece of trivia; that it’s where you are from that really matters, he felt the familiar sense of awe as he watched Leslie do what she was born to do. Speak publically and honestly, and endear herself to the people around her. 

As she smiled in triumph while receiving the coveted sticker on her book at the end of Joan’s show, his admiration of her in her element caused a different emotion to sweep through him. As she chose to open up to the people of Pawnee about the shame of a birthplace which she was unable to control, she was forced to smile and pretend that she didn’t have another secret. 

A much deeper, darker secret that really would mean certain disaster for her if it was ever revealed. Something she did have control over. A lie she kept on purpose and would continue to keep from her beloved town. 

For the first time since they started sneaking around again, the seriousness of their situation hit Ben like a punch in the gut. The thought that he was a part of something that could legitimately threaten to take all of Leslie’s dreams away from her felt very real, and for the first time since they reunited, Ben started to have serious doubts. 

He never wanted to have to watch her go on Joan’s show and try to justify sneaking around to be with him. To admit she lied and broke the very rules of government she sought to uphold.

Ben was glad he’d driven himself to the studio. Before Leslie could even make her way off set, he had vanished out the side door into the parking lot. The sun blinded him as he fumbled with his keys on the way to his car. His heart was racing, his hands shaking.

What were they thinking? How did they expect to pull this off? He cursed himself for not being stronger and for having given into his disastrous tendencies. She was going to lose everything because of him and he was just sitting back, allowing it to happen, foolishly believing the universe was finally going to cut him a damn break and let something good into his life. Except this time, he wasn’t going to be the one who was destroyed by something going wrong. This time, it was going to be the one good thing that had entered his life in over a decade that he brought crumbling to the ground around him.

He was still shaking as he opened the car door and slid inside. He put the key in the ignition and gripped both hands tightly on the steering wheel, taking deep breaths to try to calm himself down before driving. As he sat there trying to control his penchant to spiral into a pessimistic abyss, his phone buzzed. He reached for it and saw a text from Hannah. He shook his head as he read the message.

I did it! Why did you take off so fast? We are having waffles back at the office to celebrate! Please come?

As much of an emotional disaster as he had made himself, he could hear the excitement in her voice and didn’t want to disappoint her by skipping out on her celebration, even if it was premature in the grand scheme of things. But to Leslie, every little victory paves her way to her ultimate dream and he loves to see her when she feels on top of her game. So, he put the car in drive and headed back to the office to pretend to be happy for the woman he had to pretend not to be dating so she could pretend that everything was ok. 

… or something like that. 

**************************************

The mood was light as everyone celebrated Leslie’s book club sticker. They were all smiling and laughing and Leslie looked positively radiant as she mingled amongst her friends. Ben tried to shake the foreboding from earlier, but even in a room full of brightness, the darkness clung to him. 

He was careful not to say more than “good job today” to her in front of everyone but he did catch the fire behind the way she looked up at him through her lashes when she thought no one was paying attention. One look of desire from her and he was a puddle at her feet. His fingers twitched and ached to touch her. The intensity of his physical desire for her caught him off guard as he struggled to keep his urges at bay. It wasn’t easy to have to shut down every natural instinct he had around her and wait until they were alone. 

He couldn’t quite put his finger on why, but this second time around with her felt different. When he caught her eye or stood close to her his entire body reacted to her presence. He found himself clenching his fists or tightly gripping his padfolio to keep from reaching out to her. As he tried to wrap his mind around what had changed so drastically when they’d only really been apart for a week, Chris stood up and made an announcement.

“Let’s take this party to the next level shall we? Leslie Knope, we are going to the Snakehole Lounge to continue this celebration!”

Ben felt his stomach drop to his feet. He and Leslie were still struggling with figuring out how to act around each other at work as not to arouse suspicion, but they hadn’t tested the waters yet outside of the office in a more casual setting. The last thing he wanted to do was go to a bar with everyone and have to continue this charade while bringing alcohol into the mix. 

He hadn’t done more than talk to Leslie on the phone in a few days and all he wanted to do was go to her house and have some alone time with her. His arms were aching to wrap themselves around her and simply hold her. 

He opened his mouth to protest, but Chris was already standing by him, leading him out the door by his elbow and insisting they lock up their offices post haste and get to the club immediately.

“Ben Wyatt! It has been a long time since you and I went out after work together! And with all our closest friends! This is going to be the best night we’ve had in a long time!”

It sounded more like the worst night he’d had in a long time, but Ben kept his mouth closed and allowed himself to be ushered around by Chris and then driven to the Snakehole. He never got a minute to himself to try to contact Leslie to see how she felt about everything, so he figured his best bet was to just err on the side of caution and steer clear of her once they got there.

He and Chris were the first to arrive from the office and Chris immediately bought him a beer. The ice cold liquid was actually a welcome relief as he chugged the first one down. He figured maybe a few Miller Lites would help to take the edge off and allow him to relax.

**************************************

Leslie was still feeling on top of the world when she walked into the bar. They had stopped by Ann’s house to change quickly before heading out. Leslie ignored the concern that flashed across Ann’s face when she decided to wear one of her friend’s lowest cut blouses instead of one of her usual ‘safer’ cut ones. 

She had dodged a bullet today and she was feeling confident and strong. And sexy. She hadn’t been with Ben since Saturday and just she maybe wanted to remind him what he’d been missing.

She knew her choice of dress had the desired effect when Ben’s eyes shot open and he nearly choked on his beer when she walked in. She smiled coyly at him and made her way to the bar. Drinks in hand, she and Ann turned to move to the back of the bar, but she took an unexpected turn which caused Ann to stumble as she made a sudden beeline for Chris and Ben.

Ann tried to grab her to stop her but she shrugged her off and approached the bar where they were sitting.

“Leslie, you look fabulous!” She smiled as Chris spoke the words she could see Ben was thinking. “That blue is a stunning color on you! And Ann, you are gorgeous as always!”

Ann had remained a few steps behind Leslie and was shooting Ben an apologetic look while Leslie and Chris traded compliments. Leslie watched as Ben looked everywhere but at her while he drank pull after pull of his beer. He was fidgety and clearly uncomfortable, and she wasn’t surprised when Ann grabbed her hand and not so subtly pulled her away from where they were standing.

As they walked she scolded Leslie, “I don’t know what you think you are doing wearing this outfit and purposely flaunting yourself in Ben’s face, but it’s really not nice Leslie. He couldn’t even look at you while we were near them! Did he do something to make you angry? Are you trying to torture the poor guy?”

Crap on a cosmo. She only meant to tease him, not to make it look like she was tormenting him. She took a deep breath and gave Ann a hug. 

“Ann you always have my best interests at heart, and I love you for it. Ben and I are still trying to figure out how to act around each other since we broke up and sometimes things get tense.” She glanced over Ann’s shoulder and saw Ben watching her and Ann, his face lined with worry. “Maybe I should just go talk to him…”

“Leslie, that is the last thing you should do! The two of you need to stay as far away from each other as possible. It’s too soon and there is still a major vibe between you two. I think you and I should go back here, sit in one of these booths, and forget that Ben is even here.” 

Leslie was torn, the ultimate confession on the tip of her tongue. Ann would never tell anyone. She would never do anything to jeopardize her job or her campaign. But she also knew Ann would try to talk her out of everything and that was just not an option. So she sat down in the booth with her back to Ben at Ann’s insistence and did her best to focus on her friend. She pushed away the thought that what she really wanted to be doing was watching her boyfriend undress her as he told her how proud he was of her for coming clean and owning up to her Eagletonian heritage.

**************************************

Once Ben was out of her direct line of sight, it wasn’t hard to lose herself in a conversation with her best friend. It also wasn’t hard to lose count of how many drinks she’d had until she stood up to go to the bathroom and had to grab the booth for balance when she tried to walk.

“Are you sure yer ok?” Ann’s concern came from behind a slur of words and they both giggled at their obvious tipsiness.

“S’fine Ann. I’m just goin’ to the Piddle Castle,” she snickered, “… the Pissin’ Palace…” she giggled even harder at herself, “to Bedpan Alley” she snorted and they both lost it. Ann laughed so hard she couldn’t breathe and she waved Leslie off toward the bathroom as she turned to the bar signaling she was getting another round of drinks.

Leslie made her way through the much thicker crowd that had gathered since they had first arrived, still running alternate bathroom names through her head and laughing at herself as she pushed the door open. Her phone buzzed as she closed the stall door behind her.

Are you still here? 

Yep. in the bathroom. Ann told me I can’t talk to you. But she doesn’t know I wanna do way more than just talk…

She’s smart. Cause I wanna do LOTS more than talk too. Are youtryn to kill me with the shirt? almost had to leave when you got here. so sexy.

You like it? I wore it for you. Can’t wait to see it dropping out of your hand onto my floor later.

Fuck Leslie…

Keep it in yer pants Benjamin!  
Ben jammin.  
I’m gonna go dance now.  
**************************************

When Leslie got out of the bathroom she looked around for Ann and saw her dancing in a crowd of people, her drink sloshing over the side of her cup and onto the floor as she moved. Leslie pressed through the crowd to head over and join her. As she squeezed through a particularly crowded section, she felt a hand slide across her ass and squeeze. She turned around prepared to yell at someone, but came face to face instead with her glassy eyed non-boyfriend.

His eyes scanned her face and down her cleavage and his hand slid quickly between her thighs and pressed up past her clit over her jeans. It happened so fast and he was gone so quickly she almost wondered if she’d imagined it. But the fierce pulsing between her legs he left behind confirmed otherwise. She could have called it even for the outfit she had worn to torture him, but Leslie wasn’t one to call anything a tie. 

Game on.

**************************************

She danced away her frustration as she and Ann moved to song after song until Chris popped in suddenly to join them. She laughed to herself when she thought that his moves reminded her of a mating dance she’d seen on the Nature channel at some point. She backed up to give him some room while signaling to Ann she was going to go get another drink.

As she turned toward the bar she glanced back at Ann who was watching Chris with looks of horror and disbelief. She scanned the room and saw Ron at the bar with his back to her and April was sitting in Andy’s lap very publically making out in a booth to her right. Once Leslie made sure no one was paying attention to her she quickly slipped out the side door with her phone to her ear pretending to be making a phone call.

As soon as she was out the door, she quickly texted Ben to meet her. Night had settled in and the only light was a sliver of moon peeking out from behind a thick cloud. She walked around to the darkest side of the building away from the parking lot lights and waited for him to reply.

When he didn’t respond right away, she sighed and rounded the building to go back in the front door. She only took two steps before she was startled by a warm hand on her arm and she was whipped around into a kiss that made her legs shake and her body weak.

She wrapped her hands around his neck and threw herself completely into their stolen moment. He backed her up against the wall and roughly thrust his knee between hers and pressed himself hard into her hip.

“Fuck Leslie you are killing me” he panted as he sucked his way down her neck and slid his hand under her bra. She could smell the beer on his breath as he palmed her breast and quickly twisted her nipple, making her grind hard against his leg and claw at his back. He pressed his hands on either side of her body against the wall as he dropped his head to her shoulder and thrust his hips in one long stroke against her.

“We have to get back inside,” he groaned. “This is not smart Leslie.”

She nodded but brought her lips back to his and kissed him again instead. 

“Come over tonight, ok?”

He shook his head and groaned, “I didn’t drive, Chris did. And it’s not like I can just hop in a cab to your house.”

“Shit,” she said, reminded of her own situation. “Ann drove me here too.”

Ben straightened, staring hungrily into her eyes. “You need to get back inside before Ann misses you.” He glanced down at the front of his pants with a pained expression. “I think I’m gonna need a few minutes out here in the cold.”

She leaned in for one last kiss and frowned as she backed up and held his stare.

“Go. I’m fine.”

She walked slowly to the corner and peeked around it. The coast was clear. She looked back sadly at Ben but he was looking down at his feet, hands in his pocket, shoulders shrugged to keep warm. She took a deep breath and walked back into the club.

Ann wasn’t anywhere in sight, so Leslie was able to get a drink and pull herself together before making her way back to the dance floor. 

She spotted Ann talking to some guy she didn’t know, not seeming to be concerned that her friend was missing for longer than getting a drink should have taken. When she finally looked up and caught Leslie’s eye, she excused herself from her conversation and headed back to where Leslie was standing.

“Ann, you didn’t have to stop talking to him! I’m fine. I’m just gonna sit in the booth over here.”

Ann scrunched up her face in disgust. “Nah. He was nice enough, but definitely not my type. What took you so long?” 

She almost made up a lie, but seeing the skepticism on Ann’s face made her feel extremely guilty. “I ran into Ben.” she admitted softly, looking past her friend at the door as she watched him reenter the club.

“Leslie… are you ok? Or should I ask… is he ok?”

She watched him find Chris and pat him on the back as he sat down on the stool next to him. “We’re fine. I mean… we’ll be fine. I just miss being able to hang out with him you know? I wish I could just sit next to him at the bar and talk like we used to.”

“Les, you know you two aren’t ready for that yet, right? I saw the way he looked at you when we walked in the bar tonight. He is definitely not anywhere near over you.”

Leslie hid a smile as she thought about their hot make-out session outside.

“No, you’re right. He isn’t. And truthfully, neither am I…”

Ann wrapped her arm around her friend’s shoulder. She cheersed Leslie’s drink with hers and tilted her head to rest against her blond curls. “You wanna cut out of here? I can stay over if you want.”

Leslie nodded her head and Ann took out her phone to call a cab. “Can we swing by and grab my car on the way to work in the morning?”

“Of course.” Leslie dropped her gaze as the guilt over her secret crept back up. “Ann, thank you for everything. You are the best, best-friend anyone could ever have.”

Ann smiled as the cab company picked up and she gave them the address where they were. A few minutes later they were headed to the door, Leslie mouthing bye to Ben as she followed Ann outside.

**************************************

The next morning at the office everyone was sluggish and quiet as they nursed hangovers and rubbed tired, baggy eyes. Ben spent the majority of the morning in his office until he finally started to feel more like himself by mid-afternoon.

He made his way to Chris’s office to go over some budgeting issues. But instead, found himself glaring at Chris while he did chin-ups in the doorway, unfazed by the prior night, as they discussed the fabulous lunch he just had with Jerry and his extremely attractive daughter Millicent.

“Ben, I cannot get over how well Millie and I connected! And she’s gorgeous! I know that’s hard to believe since she is Jerry’s daughter, but it’s true! As a matter of a fact, we are going on a date tonight.” 

His eyes lit up as a huge grin appeared. “Ben, I just had the best idea! Why don’t we make it a double date? I bet she has a good looking, single friend to set you up with. It’s like the good old days again! You and me, two attractive women, hitting the town… I’m going to call her right now!”

Ben started to panic. He was supposed to go to Leslie’s house after work to finish what they’d started outside the bar the night before (her words, not his). He hadn’t spent any time with her in the last five days and she was going to be gone all weekend with the Pawnee Goddesses.

“Chris, I really can’t…”

 

But Chris dismissed him as he took out his cell phone, “Ben, you have not been yourself lately and I bet this is just the thing you need to cheer you up! Millie, hi, Chris Traeger! No, I am definitely not calling to cancel our date for tonight, why would you think such a thing?!” 

Chris shook his head, flashing Ben a large, toothy grin. “I was actually calling about my best friend Ben Wyatt! He and I were just talking about how fun it would be if you and I made our date tonight a double date! You wouldn’t happen to have any girlfriends you could set him up with, would you?” 

Ben shook his head. Oh no, this was really bad. He and Leslie hadn’t discussed the dating other people façade in any detail since the night they first went over her list. There was nothing he wanted less to do than to break plans with her to go on a double date with Chris and Jerry’s daughter.

“Chris, this is not a good…” Chris cut him off with an enthusiastic thumbs up.

“That is fantastic! Give her a call and let me know!” He hung up the phone and slapped Ben on the back. “You can thank me later if she’s as good looking as Millie is! I am so excited for us right now I’m going to go for another run. Be ready tonight by 7!”

Fuck.

**************************************

We need to talk immediately. Can you come to my office?

Ben’s text message was cryptic and ominous and she couldn’t help but imagine the worst. 

Someone had found out. Was it Chris?! They had been careless and extremely reckless last night. She knew it had been too good to last. Oh God. What if someone saw them kissing out back? Her head was spinning with worst case scenarios as she walked zombie-like toward Ben’s office.

She knocked cautiously and slowly opened the door when he grunted for her to come in. His face confirmed her worst fears. Whatever it is was bad. He looked like he was going to throw up.

She closed the door behind her and sat down in the chair opposite his desk. He hadn’t looked up at her since she walked in and he buried his face in his hands as she sat down.

She waited as he audibly sighed, and finally lowered his hands and looked up into her eyes. She couldn’t take it any longer.

“My God Ben, what is it? Did someone see us last night? Chris is going to fire us isn’t he?” She was frantic now, a concession speech writing itself in her head as she sat forward on the edge of her chair.

He grimaced. “I have a… a date tonight.”

She slumped back in her seat as relief flooded through her body. “You mean we didn’t get caught?”

He looked stunned by her lack of reaction, “No, not that I know of. Why did you hear something?”

She was so relieved she wanted to jump out of her seat and launch herself at him across his desk. “No, I thought that’s what you called me in here to tell me!”

“No, we didn’t get caught, but I don’t think you’re hearing the thing I actually did call you in here to tell you.” Leslie started laughing and Ben wasn’t sure if it was manic or genuine, so he continued to explain.

“Chris set us up on a double date and I kept trying to tell him no, but you’ve seen how he is. Remember when he set me up with Cindy the night of that art show? It’s like he couldn’t even hear me telling him I wasn’t interested.”

“Ben, this is the best news!” 

OK, now he was really confused.

“And how’s that?”

Leslie smiled deviously at him as she leaned in closer. “If Chris is setting you up on dates it means he’s not on to us. And, if anyone who knew about us before finds you are going on dates it means they won’t think there’s anything going on with us now. This is the perfect diversion tactic!”

He wasn’t sure she was seeing the whole picture.

“Leslie, you do realize that I physically have to go on this date, right? And try to look like I want to be there? That there is an actual woman I am being set up with who will be trying to get to know me and wondering if she wants to go on a second date with me.”

Leslie stared at him, eyes squinted in thought. 

“Ben, do you want to go on this date?”

“Of course not.”

“Is there any chance that you are going to want to go on a second date?”

“Definitely not.”

Her voice softened to a whisper, “Would you rather be with me at my house, naked, with me riding you?”

“Leslie!” his eyes widened as his gaze shot over to his closed office door. When he looked back at her again, she was smiling smugly and he finally felt the anxiety leaving his body as he smirked back at her. 

“More than anything.”

“Then I don’t see what the problem is. You go on your date with Chris, tell him you had a great time but she just isn’t your type, and then you call me when you get home and tell me all the horrible details about how bored you were.”

“But we were supposed to see each other tonight. You’re going to be gone all weekend.”

“Well, that’s just even more incentive to end the date early then.” She gave him her sexiest smile as she stood up to leave.

“So, you’re really ok with this?” he was still skeptical that she hadn’t really thought this whole thing through fully.

“Absolutely.” 

She wanted to lean over and kiss him, to make sure the taste and feel of her was fresh on his mind before he went out with another woman, but the way he was looking at her was all the reassurance she needed. 

“You are so amazing, Leslie.” She smiled back at him, her knees week from the heartfelt sincerity of his whispered words.

“You’re not so bad yourself, Benjamin. Have fun on your date.”

**************************************

Leslie spent the rest of the day on cloud nine. She overheard Chris tell Jerry that his date was now a double date with Ben, and she saw April watching her in her peripheral as the news was being shared. She did her best not to react. She didn’t give any indication that she had even heard their conversation and just kept working on finalizing her Pawnee Goddess weekend binder.

She was still at her desk after everyone had left when Ann poked her head in.

“Heeeey, Leslie, can I talk to you for a minute?”

She looked up from her papers,“Sure, what’s up?”

Ann looked at her nervously, wringing her hands while trying to figure out the best way to begin, “I’m not sure if you know this or not, but I overheard Chris saying he was going on a double date with Ben tonight.” She grimaced in anticipation of her friend’s reaction.

Leslie looked down at her desk, forcing herself to momentarily think of Ben going on this date if they were still broken up to make the moment more real. 

“Yeah. I heard.”

“And how are you taking it?” Ann was still in the doorway, hesitant to enter.

“I don’t know really. I mean it’s a double date right? And Chris set him up? It’s not like he even knows the woman or asked someone out himself. I guess I’m feeling kind of numb to it. Chris has tried to set him up before and the women turned out to be totally not his type. I guess I’m just hoping that’s the case tonight too.”

Ann walked over to her friend and wrapped her arm around her shoulder. “I’d ask if you wanted to hang out for comfort, but I’m working the overnight tonight so I can’t. I will keep my cell on me at all times though so if you start to freak out or just need a friend to talk to you can call me anytime. If I can’t answer right away I will call you back the second I get a chance.”

Leslie stood up and hugged her best friend. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Do you want me to get all the details from Chris tomorrow?”

Ann knew her so well.

“Definitely.”

**************************************

She texted Ben a few times after Ann left and he assured her if she wanted him to he would cancel the date. She told him not to be silly, he should go and at the very least, enjoy being out with his friend.

She went home in good spirits. She spent some time strategizing ideas for her campaign. She watched TV, ordered Chinese take-out and gathered all her supplies for the weekend trip. She lost track of time and was shocked when she looked up at the clock at saw that it was almost midnight. She gasped and reached for her phone, expecting to have missed a call or text from Ben. She was a bit taken back when she had neither. 

A slow panic crept up her spine. Why hadn’t he called yet? Not even a quick text to tell her he’s having a terrible time and he misses her? Surely he had to have had a few minutes to himself at some point? He had to have stepped away to at least go to the bathroom, right?

 

Should she call him? Maybe he was in trouble? Would that look desperate? What if someone else answered his phone? 

She checked again just to be sure. Still nothing. In a foggy haze of doubt, she picked up her phone with suddenly trembling hands and called Ann.

“What if he has a good time?!” She didn’t even give Ann the chance to say hello.

“I knew your silence was too good to be true…Leslie, you’re going to drive yourself crazy. You won’t get any answers tonight, and I’m sure after the way he was ogling you last night he is in no way ready to jump into another relationship so soon. I’m sure she’s hideous and he’s having a terrible time. Why don’t you just go to bed and concentrate on how fun this weekend is going to be? I’m sorry I can’t talk long, but I love you and everything is going to be fine. I will get the whole story for you tomorrow.”

“Thank you for being the best girlfriend anyone could ever have.”

“Go to sleep and I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Even though she only talked in half truths with Ann, she was feeling better by the time she hung up. Of course he wasn’t having fun. There had to be some logical explanation for his silence. She decided not to stress about it and figured a nice hot shower would help her to relax and stop conjuring up scenarios where his date was a Catgirl looking supermodel who was into Game of Thrones and they had instantly fallen in love.

**************************************

Leslie turned on the shower to let the water warm up as she stared at her phone in her hand. One little phone call wouldn’t hurt right? It’s not like her name would show up. She opened her contact list and before she could over think it, dialed Ben’s number. 

When it went right to voicemail, she ended the call without leaving a message. She checked to make sure her ringer was turned all the way up and placed the phone on the bathroom counter. She could feel the slight trembling in her fingers as she slowly undressed, never taking her eyes off her cell. 

She dimmed the lights before stepping into the tub, hoping the calming atmosphere would allow her racing heart to return to its normal rhythm. She tried to let the sound of the water beating against the shower drown out the skepticism consuming her thoughts. She hated that she was doubting Ben. She knew that he wasn’t the type to cheat and that he only wanted to be with her. But the absence of a reason for his silence was causing her head to swim with her own deep seeded relationship insecurities. 

She turned the shower handle slightly until the water raining down her body was as hot as she could stand. She stood completely still under the stream for a long time, chin to her chest, as she concentrated on the feel of the water running down her neck and back, trying to allow her rigid muscles to relax under the heat. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back, smoothing her fingers through her hair. With her back arched and her head back, she continued to move her fingers across her breasts and down her stomach as she imagined Ben in there with her, kissing her and touching her instead. 

The sudden feel of a hand gripping her around the waist and lips attaching to her neck almost caused her to yell, but her senses registered Ben’s cologne a split second before her eyes shot open and she saw his free hand closing the shower curtain behind him. She immediately wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him against her with a groan of urgency.

“Ben…” she gasped as he tightened his grip around her waist. Speech failed her as his mouth hungrily trailed up across her jaw before his lips detached from her skin. He rested his forehead against hers and a whispered sigh of her name was all she could make out before his lips moved against hers hungrily.

His kisses were rough and needy as he pressed himself against her wet body. She had so many questions for him, but her head was swimming from the feel of him slick and naked against her. All she really cared about in that moment was that he was there, with her. He was rock hard against her stomach and a bit more forceful in his pursuit of her than usual. Not that she was complaining. There was something about him setting the pace and being in charge as he ran his hands down her back, grabbing her ass and pulling her against him that was dizzying. 

He never gave her pause for breath and she struggled to keep up as his kisses became frantic, a release of the frustrations of being kept away from her all night. She caught snippets of his thoughts as he mumbled against her skin while he ran his lips down her neck again.

“…I had to see you…”

“…thought about you all night…”

“… I should have just told him no…”

Anything else he said was drowned out by the sound of her own moans as he licked his way down her chest and took both breasts in his hands. He rolled her nipples between his fingers and rubbed his scratchy face along them as he alternated sliding his tongue over each. She was breathing heavy as she looked down to watch him play. His brow was furrowed as his lips traveled around each breast while his fingers continued to work her aroused peaks.

She closed her eyes and relished the feel of his hands all over her. He trailed his fingers down her stomach and squeezed her lips around her clit. As she cried out for him, he knelt down and lifted her leg over his shoulder. She wanted to look at him, to watch him pleasure her. She moved a hand to his head and glanced down just in time to watch his face full of desire as he moaned and buried it between her legs.

She felt his finger outline her entrance and his tongue swirl around her swollen clit. She ran her fingers through his hair with one hand as she pressed the other against the wall for balance. The shower water cascading down over his face as he knelt between her legs was an extremely sexy vision and her pussy throbbed at the sight. His tongue moved against her slow but firm and she felt her legs tremble when he slid his finger easily inside her slick center. 

“Fuck yes” she hissed as his fingers and tongue began to move against her rhythmically. She watched the muscles in his forearm flex with each thrust of his hand and the chiseled lines in his jaw shift as his mouth worked flawlessly over her. 

In their time together he had perfected his technique and had confessed time and time again that going down on her was by far his favorite pastime. She had never had someone care enough to spend the time finding out what turned her on the most. But amazing Ben had made it his personal mission and the results of his dedication were the most powerfully intense orgasms Leslie had ever experienced.

She was building fast and began to circle her hips around his finger as he pressed into her. When he slipped a second one inside, she gasped and grabbed his hair roughly as she ground her clit against his face. She heard him whimper and watched as his free hand moved from her thigh, down between his legs, and wrapped around his cock. He growled into her as he squeezed, covering the tip momentarily before she saw the head peak back out as he slid his clenched hand down his shaft and as he began to stroke himself slowly. 

The sight of him so turned on while he worked her pussy was what finally brought her over the edge. She screamed as her whole body began to shake from the intensity of her release. She clenched tightly around his fingers over and over as he stilled his lips on her clit and let her ride out the orgasm herself against his mouth.

Once the pulsing between her thighs subsided, she dropped her leg from his shoulder and as he stood up and wrapped his arms around her, she buried her head in his chest. He stroked her hair as they clung to each other and she wanted to stay enveloped in his arms forever. But she could feel him hard against her and she ached to feel him inside her. She lifted her head and gave him a long, sultry, wet kiss before she turned around and placed her hands on the front shower wall. She looked back at him as she arched her back and lifted her leg onto the side of the tub. The look he gave her as he alternated glances between her swollen pussy and her lust filled face caused her to flush and her stomach to twist. 

He grabbed his cock and ran it slowly down her ass and then underneath her, before placing it against her opening. She saw the desire cloud his face as he watched himself slowly press into her. He sighed loudly and cursed as he pulled all the way back out of her and then pushed back into her. He repeated the movement a few more times until the need to bury himself as far into her as possible took over.

He reached around her chest and pulled her body against him, capturing her lips over her shoulder as he began to move into her. The shower beating against them didn’t allow for them to maintain that position for long as the water rained over their open mouths. Leslie turned her body back to face the front wall and dropped her head as she pushed her hands back against the tile. Ben gripped her hips and began to thrust eagerly into her. 

She loved the feeling of him inside her. The sound of his body slapping against her ass was intensified by the shower water running down between them. It wasn’t long before he was losing control, wrapping his arm tightly around her stomach and pulling her back against him as his thrusts became erratic. Instead of sliding sensually along her walls he was slapping hard against her, grunting and crying out as he teetered on his own release. When Leslie reached underneath her scrape her nails along his balls and roll them in her palm, he couldn’t hold out any longer.

“Oh fuck… Leslie you are so fucking amazing… squeeze… harder… oh God…”

With one last fierce thrust of his hips he buried himself as deep inside her as he could and she felt him spasm against her as he dropped his head to her back and shouted in ecstasy against her shoulder. He held the position, trying to catch his breath, until she gradually felt him soften inside her. When he inched back to pull out of her, she turned back around to face him and wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders, as he gently moaned against her. 

His head hung still against her neck, his breathing ragged. They stood holding each other until the water began to turn cold and they were forced to break apart. Leslie rinsed herself off quickly before turning off the water and reaching for two towels. She handed one to Ben, but he wrapped it around her first before taking the other one for himself. 

He stepped out of the tub, offering her a hand. As she stepped out after him, she caught sight of her phone on the sink and her happy glow began to fade as she turned to him, ready to finally get the answers she so desperately needed.

He must have seen the way her face fell as she reached for the phone, because he caught her hand before she was able to grab it and turned her to face him.

“I couldn’t call because my phone fell in a lazy river flowing through one of the holes at the Miniature Golf course. It doesn’t work anymore. I’m going to have to get a new one tomorrow.”

She felt a rush of relief as the logic behind his silence soothed her earlier panic. But that still didn’t answer why he didn’t get home until after midnight.

“Why were you out so late? I thought you were going to try to be home early so you could come over?” She hated the way that sounded, so insecure and juvenile, but her secret boyfriend had just gotten back from a date with another woman and she wasn’t handling her emotions about it quite the way she had wanted to.

He rolled his eyes and groaned, “You know Chris. He has the energy of a four year old. He insisted on driving so I could have a few drinks, and then kept wanting to ‘take things into the stratosphere’. I finally got a ride home while he and Millicent grinded all over each other. I don’t even think he noticed I was gone.”

Leslie smiled until his words sunk in, “Wait, you took a cab home? What about your boring date?”

Ben shook his head, “She gave me the ride home – and no, she didn’t try to kiss me or anything” he smirked and leaned in for a kiss.

But Leslie pulled back inquisitively. “How was she honestly? Was she catty and boring?”

“Actually she was nice, and funny enough, I already knew her.” 

The hair stood up on the back of her neck.

“My date was Shauna Malwae-Tweep.”

She felt like she was going to throw up.

He smiled, “Small world, huh?”


	5. Secret Dating

\------------

Shauna. 

Shauna. Malwae. Tweep.

Leslie couldn’t stop the name from rolling over in her head as she tossed and turned in her bed. 

Ben stayed less than a half hour once they got out of the shower before Leslie caught him nodding off and reluctantly told him it was probably time for him to go. She hadn’t wanted their brief time together that night to be tarnished by her grilling him about the details of his non-date. She hoped Ann would be able to fill in the blanks for her instead like she’d offered. 

But now that Ben was gone and she was in her bed alone, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

Professionally she liked Shauna. Shauna had never been malicious toward her in the media. She always listened to Leslie’s side of things and her articles were accurate and unbiased. She didn’t operate unprofessionally the way Joan did, twisting the facts to have a story to tell for her ratings. Professionally speaking, Shauna was actually one of her favorite media people to talk to in Pawnee.

Personally however, she recognized that Shauna was an attractive, bright woman. And Ben was an intelligent, sexy man. If she was in Shauna’s shoes, she would certainly be interested in going on another date with him if she thought he was available.

She trusted Ben. She just didn’t trust Shauna. 

\------------

Eventually sleep overtook her and she got a few solid hours in before waking up with the sun the next morning. She was leaving for the weekend with the Pawnee Goddesses, and was looking forward to the distraction. She spent the morning going back over her notes and supply checklists, and put Shauna out of her mind. 

She didn’t see Ben at all at work before she had to leave early to set up the campsite to prepare for the girls’ arrival. She hoped he would stop by her department at some point, but he must have been busy. She sent him a quick text to say goodbye, knowing he wouldn’t see it until he got a new phone, and headed off to the campgrounds.

\------------

By the time Chris stopped talking about what a fantastic evening they’d had the night before – I saw the sparks flying between you and Shauna! And don’t think I didn’t notice the two of you slip out together you sly dog! – Leslie was already gone. He’d wanted to at least catch a glimpse of her before she went away for the whole weekend, and was more depressed than he wanted to be that he hadn’t. 

Ben wanted to forget that the whole date ever happened. It wasn’t that he didn’t have a good time. Surprisingly, he and Shauna had found a lot to talk about while Chris and Millicent were completely engrossed in each other all evening. But, he wasn’t attracted to her and had no plans to go out with her again. He hoped she had been able to read his body language enough to realize nothing was going to happen between them. 

He hadn’t asked for her phone number, what he’d hoped was a clear sign that he wasn’t interested, but when she dropped him off at his house, she’d asked for his instead saying she understood that his phone wasn’t working and he couldn’t program hers into it. He thanked her for a lovely evening and slipped quickly out of the car before there were any awkward pauses or misread intentions. She didn’t seem at all disappointed in his quick departure; she smiled, waved and drove away.

Later in the afternoon after he’d already snapped at Jerry and Donna about filling out meaningless paperwork, a meeting he’d called just to get away from Chris for a while, he took his lunch outside to a secluded bench to eat by himself. 

He couldn’t shake the mood he was in. He was irritable, snappy and didn’t have much motivation to really do anything else at work that day. He was tired of listening to Chris rave about how great their date went when it didn’t. He couldn’t trance out into his spreadsheets the way he usually could to pass the time. Even if Leslie was around, he couldn’t go to her and talk it out because they weren’t at the point in their ‘office relationship’ yet where they had started to hang out in public. 

So instead, he sat on a bench, alone, eating soup and trying to figure out a way to shake himself out of his funk.

The kidnapping and whirlwind afternoon with Donna and Tom was the last thing he expected. He was so thrown that they cared enough to include him in their ‘Treat Yo Self’ day that he bought himself a ridiculously expensive Batman costume on a whim and then proceeded to break down in tears in front of them while wearing it. 

The thing that threw him the most though, was that he talked to them about Leslie as if they were still broken-up. He didn’t know why he chose to lean on those two about something that wasn’t even an issue anymore, but having them sit and listen to him while he talked about it, even if he couldn’t be specific about the details, was oddly comforting. 

So by the time he got back to the office, his Batman suit back in the bag along with his new cell phone and some socks, he was in a much better mood. He stopped inside just long enough to grab his things and head home, thankfully missing Chris on the way. 

When he got home, he was surprised to see April and Andy watching TV. He thought they’d be at the campsite by now with Leslie and Ron. He tried to slip past them and into his room, but April had other plans.

“So, you got home late last night.”

“Aren’t you and Andy supposed to be on that camping trip with Leslie & Ron?” He kept walking, ignoring her question.

“We’re leaving now. So, did you have fun on your date?”

“I don’t think that’s really any of your business.” 

He walked into his room and pushed the door closed behind him. He heard the slap of a hand on the outside of the door right before it shut. As it swung back at him, he turned slowly and was greeted by a glaring April blocking his entranceway.

“Oh, I don’t know about that. “ She leaned casually against the door frame. “I mean, we all do live together, and if I’m going to run into another woman in the house at some point, I want to make sure Andy and I aren’t doing it on the couch when she runs screaming out of your room after seeing you naked.”

Ben sighed and sat down on his bed. “No one is going to run screaming out of my room - ”

“Have you ever seen yourself without a shirt on?”

He ignored her, “… because no one is going to be in my room in the first place.”

She stared expressionless at him. “Are you a virgin?” 

“What? April, can we not - ”

“No, you’re right. Leslie wouldn’t have been that upset when you broke up if you two hadn’t been doing it.”

He froze at the mention of Leslie’s name. 

“April, Leslie and I were not - ”

She ignored his lame protest. “Does she know you’re dating already?”

“April, can you just drop it?”

“I mean, it hasn’t even been a month since you two broke up, right? Don’t you think it’s rude to be going out with someone else already?”

“What I do with my personal life is personal April.”

“Not when I have to be involved in it from both sides. You’re being a jerk and she’s in denial.” 

April stepped further into his room, and leaned in close to him, her eyes boring into his. She lowered her voice as she continued. 

“Don’t hurt her Ben. I swear if I see her eyes so much as glisten with the hint of tears over you dating Shauna I will pull your still beating heart out of your chest and rip it in half while you watch so you can experience first-hand the same pain she feels.”

His eyes wide with fear, he sat frozen on his bed while she stood back up and walked toward the door, her voice returning to normal. 

“Have a great weekend.” 

She slammed the door behind her.

\------------

The house was eerily quiet once April and Andy finally left. At first he welcomed the solitude. He spent Friday night catching up on some paperwork that he’d neglected at work that day, and watched a couple of episodes of Firefly that he’d DVR’d. 

Saturday afternoon he stopped by a deserted E720 and, after reviewing the books, ended up calling Tom to relay the bad news that unless they found a client to generate some serious cash flow soon, they would be bankrupt by the end of the month. 

By Saturday evening, he was starting to feel lonely. He was used to at least having April or Andy around for company. He tried not to let his mind wander to what Leslie was doing and how much he ached to see her. He didn’t want to risk calling or texting her and he was a little bummed that she hadn’t reached out to him at all either. She told him she wasn’t going to have her phone on all weekend, but he’d at least thought maybe she’d sneak him a goodnight text or a quick hello at some point.

He missed her. And not only because she was gone for the weekend. He found himself missing her all the time. 

Only being able to sneak an hour alone with her here and there wasn’t the same as being able to spend the evening with her watching TV, eating dinner, cuddling and talking about whatever was on their minds, and then drifting off to sleep together. He missed holding her in his arms and burying his face in the sweet scent of her shampoo. He missed waking up with her snuggled into his chest. He missed making love to her in the middle of the night and eating breakfast together in the morning watching CNN. Everything that they did before that made them feel like a real couple even if it was only limited to the confines of her house.

He hated to admit to himself that this time around wasn’t as fulfilling as the first had been. He felt like she was constantly just out of reach. Like he was living off crumbs of what their relationship had previously been. But he also knew that he didn’t want to break up again. The thought of not being with her at all caused a wave of panic to wash over him. 

He knew he was going to take whatever snippets of time he could and weather the storm because he loved her. He hadn’t told her yet, but he knew he was without a doubt, completely, and ridiculously in love with her.

\------------

Ben spent Sunday morning cleaning the house to keep himself busy. When he stepped back to appreciate the living room and kitchen looking like a normal person’s for once, his stomach growled loudly and he realized he hadn’t put anything in it since his morning coffee.

He showered quickly and headed to Sue’s Salads for a bite since he could sneak there without having to worry about Leslie’s condescending tone ridiculing his choice of eating establishments. He smiled to himself thinking about how vehemently she loathed this restaurant. He found a booth in the corner by the window and settled in with a cobb salad and his copy of A Dance with Dragons. 

He was so engrossed in his book that it startled him when someone slid into the seat across from him.

“Hi stranger!” He was greeted with a wide smile as he looked up.

“Hey… Shauna” He glanced around nervously remembering the last conversation he’d had with April.

“I was on my way to the coffee shop next door when I saw you in the window. I thought I’d stop in and say hey.” She leaned forward on her forearms across the table, “What are you reading?”

He put a bookmark in the page and closed the cover, “Um… A Dance with Dragons? You’ve probably never heard of it…”

“Of course I have! George R. R. Martin’s latest installment in the ‘A Song of Fire and Ice’ series? I actually finished reading that a few months ago.” She sat back in the booth as Ben’s jaw dropped.

“You read fantasy fiction?”

“Sure, why wouldn’t I. What part are you on?”

“Jon just beheaded Janos.”

“Oh my God! Can you believe…” 

Shauna and Ben traded thoughts and theories about all the books they’d read in the series so far. He warned her about spoiling anything when he could tell she was touching on a subject he hadn’t yet gotten to yet and she teased him about how serious he was about it.

They shared opinions about what they thought of the television series and both settled on ‘spectacular’ as their overall review. Ben found her easy to talk to and enjoyed having someone to nerd out over his fantasy selections with. 

Shauna was the first to realize how late it had gotten and jumped in her seat. “Oh my gosh, I have to meet some friends soon.” She cocked her head and flashed him a shy smile. “Hey, if you’re not doing anything, why don’t you come too? We’re going to hang at Palladino’s for a little while.”

Ben’s hair stood on end as he realized what was happening. 

“Listen Shauna, this was great, really. It’s not very often I find someone to talk about this stuff with. But, to be honest, I just ended a relationship not too long ago and I’m not really ready to start dating again. I’m sorry if the couple of times we’ve hung out implied anything different.”

She gave him an understanding smile and placed her hand on top of his, “No hard feelings. Really. Thank you for being honest. I hope we can be friends though? I had a great time talking to you too.”

Ben ignored the sinking feeling that grew in his gut as he nodded his head. “Yeah, of course.” 

Now that they were clear that there would be nothing romantic going on, what harm could a friendship do?

Shauna stood up from the booth, “See you around Ben.” She turned and walked out of the restaurant.

Ben leaned back in the booth, unable to shake the uneasy feeling from before. He dodged that bullet, right? He told Shauna that he wasn’t interested in dating her; that a friendship was all he could offer. He should feel relieved. 

So why did he feel like he’d done something horribly wrong?

\------------

“Leslie, I’m sorry to do this, but I’m telling you now so that you don’t find out at work and freak out in front of everyone. I just saw Ben and Shauna holding hands in a booth at Sue’s Salads.”

Leslie froze in mid chew.

“I would have told you when I got back in the car with our take-out, but I wanted to get you home safely and make sure you weren’t going to make me crash on the way here.” 

Ann grabbed her friend’s hands to comfort her. “I’m so sorry. But as your friend, I think you need to know the truth and I’d rather you heard it from me.”

Leslie shook her head. Impossible. She’d only been gone a few days. First of all, there is no way Ben was eating at Sue’s Salads, and secondly he sure as hell wasn’t eating there while holding hands with Shauna.

“Ann, you glorious star-nosed mole. I know that’s what you think you saw. But I’m sure it was someone who looked like Ben eating with someone who may have resembled Shauna. I think tomorrow you should call your optometrist…”

A look of worry flashed across Ann’s face. “I have 20/20 vision Leslie, and I’m sure…”

Leslie stood up and wrapped Ann into a tight hug. “Shhhh… it’s ok. You’re probably delirious from lack of sleep.” She turned Ann toward the door and pushed her toward it as she continued.

“I’m sure once you get some rest you’ll wake up tomorrow and realize this was all a huge misunderstanding on your part.” She grabbed Ann’s bag and opened the front door.

“Leslie, I know you don’t want to hear this…”

She pushed Ann out the door calling, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow!” and slammed it shut behind her. 

She leaned back against it for support as her vision blurred and her breath turned ragged. Ann knocked a few times and called her name to open the door, but Leslie stood frozen in disbelief. 

Eventually Ann yelled that she was leaving and that she would keep her phone on and Leslie should call her when she was ready to talk. She shook her head repeatedly as she listened to Ann’s car start and finally drive away.

She felt like she was floating as she moved away from the door and reached for her purse. She shoved her hand to the bottom, blindly searching for her cell. When she found it and turned it on, she quickly dialed Ben’s number and sat down on her couch since the room was starting to spin.

It rang a few times and went to voicemail. She left a short, upbeat message that she was home and if he could sneak over she really wanted to see him. She tried to sound as natural as possible so he wouldn’t hear the worry in her voice.

He texted her back immediately that he would be over in a half hour and she instantly started to feel better. Of course he hadn’t been on a hand-holding date with Shauna. How could she ever doubt him? 

Her body felt warm with the anticipation of seeing him and wrapping her arms around him again. Looking down at her current state of dress, she realized she probably smelled like campfire and fish, so she grabbed her suitcase and hurried up to her room to take a quick shower and change. 

\------------

She heard a light rap on her back door and then the sound of it opening and closing. She was sitting on the couch, freshly showered and changed, TV on in the background. She had been staring at the screen for at least 10 minutes but had no idea what was even on. Her normal run to greet Ben was replaced with an effort to even stand up as he walked in the room. Her body felt heavy and numb.

Ben sensed something was up immediately as he walked through the kitchen without being body slammed by a small blonde whirlwind while making his way through the house. She stood up as he entered the room, but her smile didn’t reach her eyes when he approached her. He brushed it off as her being tired from a long weekend spent entertaining her troop. 

Seeing her was like a breath of fresh air to him. Her wet hair hung loosely on her shoulders and he could smell her wildflower body wash as he walked up to her. He wanted to wrap himself around her and never let her go. 

He didn’t even pause to say hi before he pulled her against him and closed his arms around her. She buried her head in his chest and he felt her body expand as she took a big sniff of his shirt which she now had balled up in her fists. Her exhale was shaky as she tightened her hold.

“I’m so happy you’re back,” he whispered into her hair.

She nodded. “Me too.” 

She didn’t want to flat out accuse him of going on another date with Shauna, so tried to sound nonchalant as she continued. “So, what’d you do all weekend?”

He groaned and sat down on the couch, pulling her down next to him.

“I cleaned the house just to see what it would be like even though I know April and Andy probably already managed to destroy it in the short time they’ve been back.”

She pressed further. “Go anywhere interesting?”

He shook his head. “Not unless you consider E720 interesting. That place is like something out of a bad sci-fi movie. Oh, wait, I did spend the day with Tom and Donna on Friday, that was definitely interesting.”

He sat back and recanted the entire afternoon for her, minus the breakdown in the batman suit. She was so amused by his day and deeply touched that they had taken them with him on their annual ‘Treat Yo Self‘ excursion that she almost forgot the real reason she was asking all those questions in the first place.

“So that’s it? There’s nothing else you need to tell me?” She knew the tone in her voice was a dead giveaway that she knew something more.

Panic shot through her as she watched him hang his head, clearly on the verge of a disturbing confession.

“Damn,“ he said under his breath as she sat rigid, her worst fears about to be revealed.

He looked up and pursed his lips together as he watched the disappointment glaze over Leslie’s face.

He took a deep breath and broke eye contact, whispering, “I may have eaten lunch at Sue’s Salads today.” 

He flinched as he waited for her to start yelling, but her silence immediately threw up a red flag. He slowly looked up from his lap to find her staring blankly at him as if waiting for him to continue a sentence he had already completed.

“That’s it?” She sat forward and turned slightly toward him, her face starting to turn red as her unexpected reaction caught him off-guard.

“Um… what?” It felt suddenly warm in her house as he struggled to figure out exactly what was happening.

“You weren’t, oh I don’t know, maybe having lunch with Shauna there and holding hands?”

His eyes grew wide as he immediately shook his head, “No! My God Leslie! I don’t know who told you that, but -“

She cut him off and stood up, hands on her hips and rage behind her eyes. “It was Ann. Ann told me. She saw the two of you through the window when she was walking down the block to pick up our Chinese take-out.”

He’d never seen Leslie like this before, and as he paused for a split second to try to figure out what Ann had seen that she’d so blatantly misinterpreted, he saw the pain register on Leslie’s face as she misread his silence as an admission of guilt.

“I think you should leave.” Her eyes were raging at him. 

He jumped off the couch in a panic, finally remembering that Shauna reached across the table and held his hands after he’d turned down her offer to hang out.

“Leslie, please! Let me explain! It isn’t anything like what you’re thinking!”

She looked at him through narrowed eyes, “Oh really. Ok, you have two minutes before I call Ron and have him throw you out my front door on your ass.”

His whole body was shaking as he put his hands on his hips, looked down at the carpet and took a deep breath.

“Yes, I was eating at Sue’s Salads, and yes, Shauna was there, but not because I invited her! I thought I could sneak a quick lunch there while you were out of town because no matter what you think, salads are delicious and I…”

“You are not helping your case here Ben,” she scoffed at him.

“Shit. Ok, salad aside, I was sitting in a booth reading while I ate and Shauna appeared out of nowhere. She slid into the booth across from me; said she saw me in the window as she was passing by. I swear Leslie, it was the first time I’d seen or heard from her since the date Thursday night.” He was pleading with her now, begging for her to believe him.

“When she saw I was reading A Dance with Dragons, she told me she’d finished reading it recently and, I don’t know, we started talking about the whole series and the TV show. It was completely innocent I swear!”

“So, at what point while discussing this book did the two of you feel the need to hold hands?” She didn’t look like she believed anything he was saying.

He sighed, closing his eyes and shaking his head. “We weren’t holding hands, Les. When she realized what time it was she said she had to run to meet some friends and asked me to come with her. I realized the implications of what she was asking and came clean. I told her that I had recently stopped dating someone and I wasn’t ready to start seeing anyone and I apologized if anything I did or said had led her on at all. She reached over and placed her hands over mine thanking me for being honest and then asked if we could be friends.”

He looked up with pleading eyes, begging her to understand. 

“I swear on Li’l Sebastian’s grave that was all that happened. It wasn’t anything significant, and I wasn’t purposely keeping it from you.” He thought he might have seen a flicker of understanding pass over Leslie’s face so he pushed a bit to lighten the mood. 

“Honestly, I was more afraid to admit I ate at Sue’s Salads than to tell you I ran into Shauna.” 

He smiled at her, and felt his body almost buckle with relief when she smiled back.

She sat down on the couch and buried her face in her hands.

“God, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m so sorry for thinking the worst. It’s just when Ann told me what she saw…”

He sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her onto his chest as he leaned back. He kissed the top of her head and she wrapped her arm around his chest.

“All Ann knows at this point is I went on a date Thursday and was sitting with Shauna today. Of course she’s going to come to the wrong conclusion. What’s important is that you know that I am totally committed to you and would never, ever, cheat on you with her. You believe me don’t you?” He kissed her temple and left his lips against her head, feeling the sting of tears as he whispered, “Please say you believe me…”

Leslie pushed herself up off his chest and looked into his eyes, searching them with her own as she placed a gentle hand on his cheek. She grazed her thumb over his stubble and felt her heartbeat increase as she held his gaze. 

“I believe you.”

He leaned over and kissed her gently, his lips barely brushing hers, before he rested his forehead against hers. He cupped her face with both of his hands and closed his eyes as he welcomed the warmth that spread through this entire body whenever she was that close to him.

The words were caught in his throat, and before he could question whether or not the timing was right, his heart overruled his mind and they spilled so naturally from his mouth it was as if he’d already said them a hundred times.

“I love you…” 

Leslie’s insides melted as she sat back a few inches so she could look into his eyes, speechless at his declaration. Her face remained serious as she ran her hands down the length of his cheeks, a thumb grazing over his lips. Her eyes welled up with tears and the sight of him in front of her blurred as she choked out her reply.

“I love you too,” she whispered before closing the distance again, her lips needy and full of passion against his. She felt herself being lowered back against the couch as his body shadowed above hers.

She pushed him gently away from her mouth before things got too heated. “Not here. Let’s go upstairs.” 

She paused for a moment before breaking her number one rule. 

“Will you stay tonight? I don’t want you to go…” She just couldn’t imagine falling asleep without him after that.

He looked into her eyes for any signs of doubt. 

“Are you sure?” He didn’t want to get his hopes up. He wanted so badly to be able to hold her all night, but the risk was mostly hers and he wanted to make sure she wasn’t just acting in the emotions of the moment.

She held out her hand as she scooted out from under him, her eyes serious and dark. She didn’t want to think about anything except the fact that she loved him. In that moment she didn’t worry about her job or her campaign. She didn’t want to remember that tomorrow they would have to go right back to their adversarial public relationship. She didn’t want to think about Ann and how much she knew she was worrying about her. 

She was going to give herself one night to forget everything else except for the man who stood in front of her and despite the complications of their current relationship and the uncertainty of their future, had told her he loved her.

So, she laced her fingers through his and stood up silently. She held onto his hand as she walked to the stairs, stopping and turning after ascending up onto the first step. She placed his clasped hand around her waist and let it go, wrapping her arms around his neck, their eyes level as she kissed him. He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her up the stairs to her room.


	6. Secret Dating

\------------

Leslie welcomed the momentary peace she felt as she watched Ben sleep. She etched every detail about him lying in her bed into her mind. She knew what they were doing was dangerous and that he wouldn’t be staying over again anytime soon, so she fought exhaustion and instead stole a rare moment to simply stare unencumbered at the incredible man sleeping next to her.

His eyes twitched back and forth under closed lids and she wondered what he was dreaming and if it was about her. She wished he would open them so she could search the deep brown for specks of yellow or green that she may not otherwise see from a normal distance. She reminded herself to take notice when he woke up and was lying next to her in the light. 

His right eyebrow held a slightly raised arch even in his sleep. It was one of his facial quirks that she loved. The combination of brows and eyes were enormously reflective of any emotions he tried to keep hidden. 

She moved her attention to his mouth and licked her lips instinctively as she studied it. His top lip was thin, but his bottom lip was full and she loved to suck on it when they kissed. She marveled at how small his mouth looked because when those lips came alive against hers they were soft and full and she could kiss them for hours. She wanted to commit to memory the shape they took when he told her he loved her. She almost woke him up just to watch him say it to her again. 

She studied the line of his jaw where her lips traveled many times earlier that night. It was strong and chiseled and she fought the impulse to run her tongue along it and feel it tense as he became aroused. 

She could see faint traces of the laugh lines around his eyes and mouth and smiled to herself as she thought about how turned on she got whenever he turned that smile her way. He had a certain look that she’d only seen directed at her, a shy smirk that was always accompanied by soft eyes and a slight tilt of his head. It was her favorite thing and it made her feel incredibly special.

She visually traced the outline of his stubble next and felt goose bumps form in waves over her body as she remembered the way it felt against her skin just hours earlier. Honestly, she’d never been big on facial hair on men. When she’d been with Dave she basically just tolerated it, but with Ben, her stomach did funny twists at just the thought of him showing a more rugged looking side. She decided to suggest he grow it out sometime and maybe they could have some bonus fun with a little Lincoln role play.

She shifted her gaze to his hair and smiled at the ridiculousness of it. She’d never given much thought to any other man’s hair, but Ben’s was like the 8th Wonder of the World to her. She’d always wanted to touch it, especially when Ben first came to town. It was consistently put together and neat, a perfect complement to the man who tried to categorize Pawnee with every other city in Indiana. She often wondered what he would have done if she’d just reached her hand up and ruffled his hair while he was throwing cold, impersonal facts and numbers at her. Then later, once she realized she had more than friendship feelings toward him, she wanted to mess it up for other reasons and in other ways. It had always been a fixation of hers and now she knew how glorious it felt and how quickly it took on a mind of its own after she ran her fingers through it. His hair was her default place to touch while kissing him or to grab while groaning in ecstasy while he worked her body. 

She focused next on the way his chest rose and fell as he breathed steadily in his sleep. He was slim and not very muscular, but his body was tight and firm. He had a spattering of hair down the center that she liked to rub her face in and kiss when he was on top of her, but aside from that his skin was smooth. She reached out to touch him, to run her hand over his chest but fearing she may wake him and disturb her moment, she drew back. Instead, she slowly pulled the covers away from his body to take in the rest of him. 

She felt a familiar tingle spread between her legs as she followed the trail of hair from his chest, down the line of his stomach, to the patch of hair surrounding the base of his shaft. She was surprised to see that he was hard and hoped that meant he was having sexy dreams about her. She squeezed her legs together as she felt her center awaken at the sight of him large and ready for her. She shifted a bit so she could press her finger against her clit; a small bit of pressure to relieve the ache that was growing as she took in the entirety of him. She wanted to stare at him like this for hours, but her need to touch him and press her body against him was starting to overpower the mental journey over his body.

She knew he wouldn’t mind her waking him up. He’d said in the past there was no better way to be woken up than to feel her naked body pressed up against him. But she wanted to be selfish for a little bit more, so she moved her finger in small circles over her clit as she ran her eyes over his body and let her mind drift back to earlier that night.

He carried her up the stairs and slid her down his body slowly as he stopped in front of her room. He couldn’t keep his lips or hands still as he stood on the threshold with her. He pressed her against the door, his entire body flush against hers. His kisses were slow and soft; each suction of his lips against her mouth or neck sending waves of arousal through her body. His lips alone turned her on more than any other man’s hands ever had. She could kiss him like this forever. 

She could feel the intensity of his feelings for her behind every kiss, in every sigh, throughout every caress of his hands over her. She felt helpless in his embrace. For the first time in her life she wanted to slow down, sit back and completely relinquish control. So she closed her eyes, leaned her head back against the door, dropped her arms to her sides and did exactly that. 

She felt his lips pause momentarily, but her groan at the loss of movement brought his touch back to life. She felt him reach his hands up to her shirt, his lips traveling along her neck as he began to unbutton it. He trailed kisses along her collarbone as it became increasingly exposed, causing her to exhale his name in a breathy sigh. He continued to work button by button as he nipped back up her neck to her mouth. She let him set the pace, reveling in the sensuality of his kisses, reacting instead of leading. 

He finished unbuttoning her shirt, but instead of pulling it the rest of the way off her body, he brought his hands back up to her face. He cupped her cheeks in his hands and the passion with which his tongue sought hers forced her to stifle a sob that threatened to burst from within. 

He let go of her face and placed one hand on the back of her neck while the other opened the door behind her. His hand steadied her as he gently led her backward toward the bed. He pulled back once her legs lost momentum against the mattress. His eyes flitted back and forth between hers as he placed his hands on her shoulders and slid her shirt down just enough that it dropped of its own accord onto the floor. He took her hand in his and brought the top of it to his lips, a move that reminded her of the day they first met when she’d held it out to him like she was royalty and he should kneel before her. She couldn’t help but marvel at how far they’d come.

He reached behind her and unhooked her bra and she let it fall to the floor behind her. The hunger in his eyes as she stood topless before him was intoxicating. 

“You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen,” he whispered. 

He helped her out of her pants and shook his head in astonishment, pausing to take in the sight of her before him as if he was seeing her naked for the first time. She wanted to tell him how much she felt for him, but as she took in a breath to speak, her eyes filled with tears and she laughed out a sob. He was on her immediately, kissing her eyes, her cheeks and her lips as he whispered ‘shhhhh’ against her skin. She calmed herself in his kiss.

Not wanting to stop, but needing him naked too, she slowed the kiss by sucking his bottom lip in hers before tugging it gently with her teeth as she moved her head back from his. Her eyes never moved from his as she reached out and gripped the bottom of his sweater, lifting it over his head. She moved closer to him, barely able to work the buttons of his shirt open in the space remaining. 

When the last button finally released, she pushed his shirt off him, pressing her body against his. She let her lips drift across his chest as she ran her hands over his torso and down his arms. She trailed her fingers down his stomach and over the outline of him on top of his jeans, slowing over the ridge of his tip as she moved back up to his belt. He growled and brought her face back up to his, the hunger in his kiss making her heart fill with desire for him. As she unzipped his jeans, she ran her fingers over his tip again as it emerged from behind the open ‘v’ of his zipper. The thin material of his boxer briefs gave her a much more defined outline to run her palm over. 

Groaning, he stilled their kiss, never removing his lips from hers, and hastily slid the rest of his clothes off to give her better access to his cock. He pressed his forehead to hers and placed both hands on the base of her neck as she grabbed him firmly in her hand and slowly pulled the skin of his shaft up over the head. 

The feel of her hand around his cock as she began to stroke him sent waves of arousal through her body. Each pull over the tip made him groan and his cock was so hard she just wanted to climb on the bed and have him thrust himself deep inside her. She watched as his body became paralyzed by the pleasure coursing through his dick. She didn’t want to break that look of pure ecstasy on his face to move him into a different position just yet.

Leslie’s own arousal was heightening from watching him and she decided to tease them both a little more. She loved the feel of her pussy getting wetter and having to squeeze her thighs together so she could feel it pulse for him. She gave him a quick kiss on his pleasure-parted lips, and knelt down in front of him. She looked up and locked her gaze to his as she moved his cock against his stomach and ran her tongue slowly up from under his balls to the tip. She increased the pressure just before she reached the ridge, pressing her tongue flat against him and felt herself grow slick as his cock jumped in her hand in response. His eyes grew darker and he closed them hard, his features cringing with desire as she wrapped her lips around him and traced the outline of his tip with her tongue. She slid her mouth over him a few times, twisting her wrist and turning her head whenever she reached the tip. His hands shot to the sides of her face and she looked back up at him as he lowered his head again to watch her move over him.

Her lips were full around his cock as she slid them up and down his shaft. She angled herself so that she could take in the full length of him and watched as he marveled when his entire cock disappeared in her mouth. She changed positions often, not to let him get too built up from the repetition of one for any length of time. She ran him sideways between her parted lips, over her cheek, back into her mouth and finally down her neck before rubbing the tip back and forth over each of her firmly erect nipples. She pulled him toward the bed gently and sat down on the edge as she licked her hand and, glazing it over his cock as she moved it between her breasts and firmly pressed them around him. 

She smiled up at him, an understanding smirk while he took pause before starting to thrust. Slowly, he finally started to shift his body against her. The sight of his cock emerging between her raised breasts was overwhelming. After a few strokes, she gathered saliva and dipped her head to capture the tip between her lips, a trail of moisture left behind as she pulled back. She reached to play with his balls and felt them tighten and his thrusts increase as he moved harder against her. But when she moved her fingers into a position where they grazed over his head every time it appeared, the force with which his cock pulsed forced precum to emerge from the tip and she felt the hesitance with which he was forced to pull back from her. 

Kneeling down in front of her, he grabbed her calves and pulled her toward him with a quick jerk of his hands. She propped herself up on her elbows and watched as he buried his face between her legs. He only managed a few swipes of his tongue up over her clit, eliciting loud gasps from her, before he stood up and covered her body with his. He placed the length of his cock against her clit and kissed her neck when it arched back from the arousal that seared through her.

“Fuck Leslie you are sensational…” He was panting against her neck, beads of sweat covering his brow. 

“Ben…” She was writhing under him, stealing a few swipes of his cock against her clit before she tilted her hips and he slid to press against her entrance. “I need you… now…” 

She lifted her hips higher so he inched into her and roughly grabbed his ass as he clenched the muscles under her hands and fiercely thrust himself in the rest of the way. They swore in unison at the feel of the first movement of his cock inside her. She wrapped her legs around his upper thighs and pulled him further into her with each slap of his skin against hers. She felt him lose control momentarily as he began to thrust hard and fast into her before finally easing up.

“Sorry…” he gasped for breath as he regained control and slowed his movements to long, smooth glides.

“Ben, that was fucking amazing," she panted as she tightened herself around his cock. “Never, ever apologize for fucking me that good.”

He moaned into her neck as he continued to ease the pace of his thrusts, she loved when he sustained a slower rhythm against her. She could feel every part of her pussy slide along his length and she focused on the feel of her body pressed naked along his. He moved his lips up her neck to her mouth and kissed her deeply. He maintained the slower pace as he rolled her nipples between his fingers, as he reached his hand under her and lifted her hips off the bed, the change in angle of his cock against her causing her to whimper against his mouth. 

“I love you so much Leslie…” he confessed against her lips as she wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders. 

"You're…" She let out a loud ‘ooooh’ as he hit the perfect spot, "…so amazing Ben," she slid her hands down his back, “…I'm so lucky to have found you."

She knew they only had this one night. This one chance to speak uninhibited to each other and pretend the fairytale wasn’t going to be shattered when they woke up and faced the impossibility of a normal life together. Leslie wanted to remember the night he first told her he loved her without any regrets that she had held anything back because she allowed the rest of the world exist in that moment. For one, wonderful night she had him all to herself and she was going to make the most of every thought and every feeling she had for him.

The way he was looking down at her as he held himself above her was emotionally overwhelming. 

“Make love to me Ben,“ she pleaded as she buried her head in his neck and held onto him with all her strength, shielding him from the tears welling up in her eyes.

He buried his face in her hair and rocked into her, long and slow at first, which she returned stroke for stroke. He poured his heart out to her, whispering over and over again how much he loved her, how alive he felt when he was with her, how smart and beautiful she was and how amazing she felt around him. She returned with her own accolades of love telling him how amazing her made her feel, how fantastic he was in bed, how she wanted to feel him inside her like this and never have it stop, and that she’d never felt this way about anyone before in her life. 

Their whispered confessions facilitated an emotional build that heightened the intensity of their physical one. She tilted her hips to take as much of him as deeply as she could, causing him to press all the way into her and pulse his hips against hers. She cried out when he found the sweet spot deep inside. Their rocking motion made the base of his cock grind repeatedly against her clit, causing her to build quickly. 

Her sighs turned to whimpers as she threw her hands up over her head and gripped the sheets behind her. He took each one in his own and locked their fingers together. She arched her back as she felt the arousal spread from her center through her entire body heightening every nerve ending as she approached her peak. She felt her pussy swell for him, and knew he could feel the change too when she heard the pleasure behind his moans escalate. He was groaning with every push, and when he lowered his head to work her nipple, she cried out as she clenched around his cock. 

At the first sound of her spilling over, he convulsed against her as wave after wave of his own release overtook him. He thrust over and over into her as she screamed underneath him. 

Ben stirred beside her, his right arm reaching out for her as he slept. She scooted closer to him as he gripped her waist and pulled her against him. Burying her face in his chest, she slid her left hand between them and smiled as he sighed in her hair while she played with him. She knew he was only partially awake, but he was still hard and he didn’t object when she nudged him onto his back and climbed on, watching the smile spread across his face as he blindly reached his hands around to grip her ass and guide her as she moved.

\------------

Groaning, she reached over and turned off her alarm before snuggling back into his embrace. They both held each other silently, not wanting to be the first to acknowledge that it was time to face reality. She eventually felt Ben take a deep breath and kiss her temple, his lips lingering against her skin, before he rolled away from her and got out of bed.

Normally she would have turned and watched him walk naked across her bedroom to the bathroom, taking in the view. But she was already on the verge of tears and she didn’t want him to see her upset. Not after the night they’d shared. 

A few minutes later she heard him open the bathroom door and put some clothes on before he sat down beside her on the bed. Her back was to him and he rubbed it as he tried to put together the words that would make his goodbye easier. 

“I know what we did was against our rules, but I’m really glad you asked me to stay. I missed this.” 

She was still as he moved her hair back from her neck before leaning over and pressing his lips to her shoulder. 

”I meant what I said last night Leslie. And I’m sorry if telling you makes our current situation harder.” She took a deep breath to stall the inevitable tears from flowing.

“I don’t expect things to change, I know they can’t, but I… I just needed you to know. I don’t want you to ever doubt how I feel about you.”

She rolled onto her back and looked up at him, her eyes brimming with tears as she met his moist bloodshot ones with her own. 

“This sucks.” She rubbed the back of her hand across her face, smearing the tears across her cheeks.

He nodded as he reached over and wiped the remaining moisture away with him thumb. “Yeah, it does. But it’s all we’ve got and I don’t want to give it up.”

She shook her head as he leaned over and kissed her goodbye. “I don’t either.” She smiled and placed her hands on his cheeks. “Someday we’ll figure this all out, right?”

He wasn’t sure how because even after the campaign was over, he would still be her boss and they would be right back to where they were before. But, he nodded and played along with her optimism because it just made things easier to bare. 

“Yeah,” he sighed. “Someday.”

\------------

Ben ignored the glares and fingers dragged across her throat that April gave him every time he passed by her at work. Luckily, when he’d gotten home that morning, she and Andy already left for City Hall. Texting Chris that he was having car trouble and would be in late, he took his time taking a shower and getting ready. He wasn’t at all in a hurry to step foot into City Hall and pretend he hadn’t just spent the night baring his soul and making love to Leslie.

He knew he wasn’t going to be any good at hiding his emotions. Avoidance was his only option at maintaining any sort of composure around her now. The first time they dated, working together was easier to handle. It was non-committal and new, full of giddiness and sneaking around. They were always openly playful and flirty with each other, so being at work together was exciting knowing that playfulness would extend into the bedroom after hours. They were able to be themselves around each other. But, in doing so they were naive and sloppy and let too many people know that they were together. Luckily, her mom was on board, Ann kept their secrets and shared her office, and they were still able to stay under the radar even after being outed so many times. 

This time, however, emotions ran much deeper. They knew exactly how much they meant to each other. But with these heightened emotions came a constant sense of longing. His chest always felt tight when they crossed paths at work, as if at any moment, someone would figure out their game. He was constantly wondering when he was going to be able to be alone with her again. He wanted to be able to joke and tease her the way they used to at work. Instead, he walked around with a sense of foreboding that every time they crossed paths he was going to stare too long, stand too close or smile too much and they would be caught. He couldn’t relax and felt anxious all the time.

He knew there was more at stake this time and they couldn’t afford to become comfortable again. He would never forgive himself if Leslie lost her run for office and her job because of him. But since they’d agreed splitting up wasn’t an option, they had to be extra careful. No more mistakes.

So he stayed away from the Parks Department as much as possible. Let April think he was with Shauna and continue to threaten him if it meant she didn’t suspect him of being with Leslie. Let Ann think he was a shallow jerk for moving on so quickly. Ron didn’t care or probably even pay attention to his dating life as long as he wasn’t a threat to Leslie’s job anymore. All he cared about was what Leslie thought of him. So when she started to doubt him, he knew it was time to pour his heart out to her and make sure she know how madly in love he was with her.

\------------

Leslie spent the week on cloud nine. Ben loved her. They were in love. Sure she’d hoped that being in love with someone would mean walks in parks holding hands, romantic dinners and making out anywhere she felt the urge, but things in life rarely went how you planned them. So she focused on the positives in her life instead. She was running for office, she was in love and she had the best group of friends anyone could ask for. She wasn’t going to let the details of low polling numbers, hidden relationships and the lies and secrets she kept from everyone weigh her down.

She spent the week meeting after hours with her campaign managers and Tom to set up a meet and greet for Friday night, catching up on Parks work, and texting Ben that she was sorry they weren’t able to spend any time together since Sunday and she would make it up to him in various sexy ways the second she got him alone.

\------------

Friday night after the meet and greet she left the event with mixed emotions. She was defeated that it didn’t go at all the way she’d planned. She was sad for Tom that his dream failed and would be going out of business soon. She was emotional after viewing the video he’d made for her, because despite all of the extravagance that was Tom, he really was sweet and talented and had made something wonderful and thoughtful for her.

She went home to shower and change out of her chlorine smelling, crisp clothes. She knew all her friends were at Ben’s house at the Halloween party April and Andy threw, and while she wasn’t really in a partying mood, she missed Ben and thought maybe the distraction from her night would be better for her than sitting home alone. So she dug out a batman costume she’d worn a few years ago for Halloween and drove herself to the party.

\------------

When she had to park her car halfway down the block and make her way through crowds of people she didn’t recognize, she almost turned around and went home. She was clearly the most sober one there by far and wasn’t really in the mood to deal with a bunch of drunk, rowdy 20-something year olds. But, she was already there and Ben was in that crowd somewhere, so she made her way through the mayhem and set out to find him. 

As she squeezed past the makeshift dance floor, she finally spotted a familiar face. Jerry was leaning against the wall, but he looked ghostly pale and was staring slack jawed across the room. She followed his line of vision and spotted Chris and Millicent practically having sex on the couch they were so entwined in each other. She cringed up her face in disgust and looked away quickly. 

Next she saw Donna talking to a half-dressed firefighter and she gave her a mental high-fived as she took in the muscles spilling out of his costume. She didn’t see Ann or Ron anywhere but she did spot April and Andy in the kitchen with a crowd of people around them looking at some bandages on Andy’s nose. She wondered what happened but didn’t want to stall her main mission of finding Ben. She decided to try to slip unnoticed back to his bedroom to see if he was in there, figuring she could use the excuse that she was looking for the bathroom if she was spotted. 

Grateful for the anonymity of her costume, she turned to squeeze back through the increasingly crowded dance floor toward the back of the house. As she began to push through the flailing bodies, she suddenly froze in place and felt her vision tunnel. She had finally spotted Ben. 

He was dressed in his own Batman costume, the mask discarded at some point and she could tell that he was drunk. Not just because his face showed the obvious signs of intoxication, but because he was dancing. Which should have been endearingly cute considering how awful he was at it even when he was wasted, but there was nothing cute about the scene set before her. 

His hair was slick with sweat and was stuck to his face, an obvious sign that he’d been at this for some time. And he was laughing and looked more relaxed than she had seen him in public in longer than she could remember. But the thing that stopped her dead in her tracks wasn’t the dancing itself. It was the fact that right in front of him, dressed as Khaleesi in a long blonde wig and a dress that left little to the imagination, was Shauna.

She turned slowly and walked trancelike through the house to the front door. She didn’t see anyone’s faces as she passed them, or hear anything but a hollow buzzing in her head as she continued outside. She whipped off her mask, unable to catch a solid breath and as she regained her footing and took off quickly down the sidewalk. She thought she may have heard Ann’s voice calling after her but she didn’t stop to check. She just continued to her car, started it up and drove back home. 

\------------

She was numb. She didn’t know if she wanted to laugh, cry or throw something. She ignored the persistent ringing of her phone in her purse as she tried to sort through the uncertainty of her body’s emotions. What threw her off guard was that her reaction wasn’t fueled by any doubt that Ben loved her, and she didn’t believe for a second he would ever cheat on her. She wasn’t normally a jealous person, so she was taken back at what it was about that scene that caused her to react that way. 

They weren’t kissing or dancing inappropriately. They weren’t even touching. They weren’t doing anything that she hadn’t done a hundred times with Tom or Jean Ralphio or even Andy. Ben had seen her dance innocently in the past and she would have been angry if he had ever reacted the way she did tonight. So what was it about this particular evening that had thrown her so completely?

She knew that she was already emotional. She had a crazy night and went there looking for Ben to soothe her. She wanted to sneak away with him and have him hold her and tell her he loved her and that one botched get together did not mean the end of her campaign. She wanted to find a way to steal him away for a few moments to herself unnoticed. Then it hit her. She knew exactly why she’d reacted the way she had.

She didn’t doubt Ben and she knew Shauna wasn’t a threat to their relationship. But she witnessed a moment to be jealous of in a different way. 

Ben was happy. 

He wasn’t his usual tense, reserved self like he became every time she walked into a room where they were around other people. She witnessed him in a situation where he didn’t know she was in the room. He didn’t need to steel himself to act a certain way in her presence. She’d simply seen Ben relaxed and happy for once and it wasn’t because she was with him. 

It was because she wasn’t.


	7. Secret Dating

\------------

Leslie knew the inevitable knock on her door was coming. She knew that she was going to have to explain her hasty exit to Ann. Her phone rang every few minutes but she couldn’t bring herself to answer it. 

She needed time to think about how she was going to handle this. 

Part of her wanted to spill everything and lay her heart on the table and let wise owl Ann figure everything out for her. She wanted an easy answer. She needed a plan that would allow her and Ben to be able to be together openly. She wanted a solution where they kept their jobs and she was elected to a City Council seat. But she knew Ann didn’t have those answers for her. And she knew that telling Ann would mean she would have to listen to her tell her all the reasons that what she and Ben were doing wasn’t going to work out the way she wanted it to. Letting Ann into this bubble would force her to have to think about consequences and inevitable choices she was going to have to make and she wasn’t ready for that yet. 

When she saw Ann’s headlights filter into her living room and heard the car door slam shut, she stood up and opened the door before Ann even had a chance to make it up the steps. She felt the tears appear as soon as Ann’s concerned gaze was visible in the porch light and when Ann held her arms out wide and gathered Leslie into them; she fell silently into her friend’s embrace.

“Leslie, do you want to talk about what happened tonight?”

She shook her head as she stepped back from Ann’s hug and shut the door behind her. “Not really.”

Ann put down her purse and took Leslie’s hand as she led her into the living room. She pulled her down on the couch next to her and angled her body toward her friend. 

“I really think you should. It might help to say what you’re feeling out loud. You know you can tell me anything, right?” 

Leslie nodded, the truth on the tip of her tongue.   
“He looked so happy Ann. He was drunk and he was dancing with Shauna and he looked like he was having a really good time.”

Ann grabbed Leslie’s hands and held them to comfort her. “I’m sorry you had to see that. I saw them talking earlier and if I knew you were going to show up I would have warned you not to come. She showed up with Jerry’s daughter when she came to meet Chris. She was only there maybe an hour before you showed up.”

Leslie decided to probe Ann for a bit of information. “Was Ben having a good time before she got there?”

Ann laughed and told Leslie how Ben didn’t even know about the party at first and how mad he was at April and Andy. She recapped the whole night to her. When she described Andy dragging Ben around the house in a headlock trying to get him to stop being so passive aggressive and to talk to him about what was bothering him, Leslie couldn’t help but smile at how funny that must have looked. She was shocked to learn that it was Ben who broke Andy’s nose.

“Oh my God Ann! Ben hit him?!”

“No, it was an accident. He ended up elbowing him when Andy started to wrestle him in the middle of the party. He drove Andy to the Emergency Room and by the time they got back they were best buds. I don’t know what went down between them when they were gone, but as soon as they got back to the house, he and Andy started doing shots together. Ben was in a great mood and Shauna wasn’t even there yet. Whatever happened between him and Andy while they were gone made Ben loosen up. He and Andy were acting like they were best friends. He was pretty wasted when Shauna did eventually show up. And he looked surprised to see her, like he had no idea she was coming.”

Ann’s mouth twisted as she pondered her next thought. “I don’t want to give you any false hopes or anything, because I could be way off here, but I don’t get the vibe that anything serious is going on between them. I’m not sensing that Ben is really all that into her to be honest.”

Leslie couldn’t hide the grin that spread across her face, but Ann was quick to try to reason her back down. “Crap, Leslie. Ok, I probably shouldn’t have said that. Really, it’s just a feeling, and I only told you to make you feel better about tonight. But honestly, I could be totally wrong! What we need to do is focus on what we know to be the truth here. It doesn’t matter in the long run whether or not Ben really likes her because it doesn’t change the fact that the two of you can’t be together.”

She groaned. “I know Ann. Aaaahhh, this whole thing sucks. I think what upset me the most about seeing him dancing with her tonight wasn’t that they looked into each other at all, it’s not like they were grinding on each other or anything, it was more that knowing that if I went over there and tried to dance too, he would have instantly froze up and walked away. Me being there would have been the thing that made him not have fun anymore. And I don’t know how to process that Ann. I’m the fun one. People love when I’m at a party!”

“It took me a while to figure out what happened. That’s why I didn’t answer your calls. I’m so sorry Ann. I thought at first it was jealousy. And sure, I suppose some if it probably is. But, it wasn’t until I got home that I realized what really made me so upset. I want to be the one laughing and dancing with him at parties. I want to be able to sit and talk to him without feeling uncomfortable. Ann, every time I see him at work his face gets all serious and he stiffens up and makes a quick exit. I miss our friendship Ann. We used to be really good friends, and I miss that a lot.” Leslie’s face lit up. “That’s it! You are so smart Ann! It’s time we tried to be friends again.”

Ann shook her head at Leslie’s words, “Wait, what? Leslie, I never said anything like that! Oh boy. Leslie, I definitely do not think that’s a good idea. At all. Your breakup is still too fresh. I really don’t think he’s ready for that, and honestly, I don’t think it would be healthy for either of you at this point. You still obviously have really strong feeling for him and…Leslie? I can see you purposely ignoring what I’m saying to you right now because you have that blank stare you get when you’re already formulating a plan in your head.” 

She placed her hands on Leslie’s shoulders to try to get her attention. “Leslie, look at me. Trying to be friends is going to hurt both of you. Get that thought out of your head.”

She knew Ann meant well, but since she only knew half the story, Leslie chose to disregard everything her friend was telling her. 

It was time to start the friendship phase of their relationship again. It had been long enough since they ended things the first time that trying out being friends in public again shouldn’t raise any suspicions. Especially since everyone thought he was dating Shauna now. They would have to go back to the friendship they had before they first hooked up. Save the emotions for the private moments and when they were with their friends, they would have to be chill with one another. It was perfect. She wouldn’t have to feel the way she did tonight anymore. 

“Why didn’t I think of this before? We were friends once, and we enjoyed each other’s company before we let feelings mess it all up. I’m going to ask him to eat lunch with me on Monday. There’s no reason we can’t go back to being friends. Ann, I’m so glad you came over here and helped me straighten everything out. You are truly the best friend I could ever ask for.”

Ann tried to cut Leslie off many times during her epiphany, but Leslie ignored her and plowed forward with her idea. She wrapped her arms around her friend in a fierce hug, shushing Ann every time she tried to speak.

Ann knew Leslie was desperate and grasping. She wasn’t going to admit, without a Leslie-style fight, that she needed to let Ben go completely. Leslie learned her lessons by going at situations head on and unfortunately, it wouldn’t be until things didn’t work out as she planned that she would finally be able to admit it was over. She couldn’t hold on to the pieces of Ben that still fit in her life just because she wasn’t ready to let him go. Ann prayed Ben was strong enough not to let Leslie steamroll him into thinking this was a good idea. She hoped he had it in him to simply tell her no. 

\------------

Ben groaned as he rolled over and grabbed a pillow to put over his face. It was unbearably bright and he felt like total shit. He was half-undressed, his Batman suit still on from the waist down. At some point he’d taken off his t-shirt and was lying on top of all his covers. He tried to piece together the details of the night before, but once he and Andy got back from the hospital, everything got kind of fuzzy. 

He remembered doing shots of something red and fruity. Suddenly he groaned out loud as snippets of being on the dance floor came rushing to his conscience. Oh God. He didn’t dance. Who got him to dance? He remembered dancing with someone dressed as Khaleesi and how badly he wanted Leslie to dress that way for him. 

Shauna. Shauna came as Khaleesi. He danced with Shauna. And Ann had been there. He shot up out of bed so fast he almost passed out. He reached around for his phone and struggled to focus in on the screen as he checked for missed calls or texts from Leslie. 

Ann must have told her by now. He didn’t want to have to have another Shauna conversation with Leslie. But there wasn’t any contact from her. Maybe he’d gotten lucky and Ann didn’t see him? Or maybe Leslie was now so angry at him she didn’t want to talk to him.

He felt like an ass. He never even checked with Leslie how her event went. He’d been so wrapped up in his own anger at Andy before the whole ER thing happened and then once Andy called him his brother and insisted they do shots to celebrate being ‘bros’ he’d gotten hammered too quickly. He checked his outboxes and hung his head in his hands when they confirmed the worst. He’d never tried to call her or even send her a text. He wouldn’t blame her for being angry at him. He pretty much hated himself at that moment too. 

He sent Leslie a quick text to let her know he was up and thinking about her and could she please text or call him as soon as she got a chance. He wanted to bite the bullet and tell her everything as he remembered it. He owed her that and a huge apology.

\------------

Leslie woke up Saturday in a great mood. She knew it was too early to call Ben judging on the condition she’d seen him in the night before, so instead she called her mom and spent the morning having breakfast with Marlene. After they ate, they took a drive out to a Farmer’s Market right outside Pawnee. It had been a long time since she’d taken a day to spend time with her mom. It was something she vowed to make sure happened more often.

When she pulled up to her mom’s house later that afternoon, Marlene turned to Leslie and looked knowingly at her daughter.

“I know you think you’re being sneaky, and honestly I don’t want to know any details, but honey, I’m your mom and it’s written all over your face.” Her mom tilted her head in typical Knope fashion. “You’re in love with him aren’t you?”

Leslie eyes opened wide and her eyebrows shot up, “What?! I don’t… how… who do you -”

Her mom sighed and interrupted her. “When you checked your phone at one point this afternoon you were smiling like a schoolgirl. It wasn’t hard to put two and two together. Leslie, you’re playing a dangerous game here. Is he really worth losing everything for? Your career? City Counsel? He’s great sweetie, really. He’s handsome and intelligent and I can see how much you care about him. And believe me I know, love can be a very powerful emotion and it will make us do crazy things in its name, but I need you to really think long and hard before you continue any further because if you get caught, everything you’ve worked so hard for and dreamt about your whole life will be over. I know men in politics get away with a lot and it’s not fair. Dexhart is as slimy as they come and he keeps getting reelected. But it’s different for women. It shouldn’t be, but that’s the way it is. So before you decide to gamble everything for this man, keep in mind that if you’re found out, the both of you are going to end up with nothing but each other in the end. You need to make sure that’s enough for you and that it’s enough for him.”

Leslie hung her head and resigned not to cry in front of Marlene. “I…I love him mom. I don’t want to give him up. We tried to end it, but we were miserable. We are being so careful this time. No one suspects anything. Anyone who knew thinks we are broken up. I haven’t even told Ann.”

Her mom’s face turned serious. “You may think you’re being careful, and maybe you can pull a fast one on all of Pawnee, who knows? All I’m saying is to me it’s glaringly obvious. And sooner or later others are bound to notice too. Love isn’t something you can wish away when it’s an inconvenience. If the two of you spend time together and he’s as love sick as you, which I’m guessing he is or he would never agree to put your dreams in jeopardy, others will notice. It’s a very real possibility Leslie. Stop living in your own naivety and ask yourself a painful truth. Are you’re prepared to give up everything to be with him?”

She looked up at her mom and the tears broke through. “I don’t know.”

Her mom opened the car door and stuck her head back in before closing it. “It’s one or the other honey. You can’t have both. Even if you manage to get through the election, sooner or later you are going to have to choose.”

\------------

She knew her mom meant well, and tried to pass off the conversation as mothers having a sixth sense when it comes to their kids, but she was more rattled than she wanted to be by her mom’s questions. She knew she tended to go through life with rose-colored glasses on, believing the best in every situation and person. And while she knew there was a possibility they would be caught, she never seriously considered the worst actually happening. 

When she thought about losing not only her job but also the election, she felt like she was going to throw up or pass out. Or both. But when she thought about losing Ben, her chest felt so tight she couldn’t breathe and anxiety swept in waves over her. She couldn’t bring herself to make a choice. She had to hope for the best possible outcome because the alternatives were too unpleasant to comprehend. 

So she pushed the conversation with her mom into the far recesses of her brain where she could pretend it didn’t exist with all the other thoughts of how things could go wrong and went ahead as planned. 

Operation ‘Befriend Ben’ was still on.

\------------

The longer it took Leslie to reply to his text the more sure he was that she was upset with him. He contemplated going to her house to talk to her in person, but he didn’t dare show up without prior confirmation she was there alone. He still hadn’t even managed to get out of bed, but not because he was hungover, even though that was part of the reason. He knew as soon as he set foot into the living room he was going to want to clean. He had only briefly heard April and Andy in the common space of the house before the front door slammed and they were gone. He couldn’t even imagine the hell that waited for him on the other side of his bedroom door from the night before and he was in no mood to clean it all up by himself.

When his phone finally rang, he grabbed it immediately and relief washed over him when he saw Hannah on the caller ID.

“Hey…”

“Hey yourself,” She didn’t sound upset. Good sign. “How are you feeling?”

He groaned, “I’ve definitely been better. Though I’m sure I’ll be worse once I actually set foot out of my bedroom and see the horror left behind from last night.”

“April and Andy skip out of the cleaning?” she laughed. So far everything sounded normal. Maybe Ann didn’t tell her anything after all.

“What do you think?” 

“I think maybe Batman’s gonna have to call the rest of the Justice League to help him do all the clean up. That is if Batman’s legs aren’t too sore from all that dancing to bend down and help.”

There it is. 

“Listen Leslie…”

“Do you want some help though for real? I’m not doing anything right now.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t know where Andy and April went or how long they’ll be gone – “

“Oh, they’re in Bloomington for the afternoon. Honestly, you live with them, how do you not know these things?”

“I didn’t even know they were having a huge Halloween party in the house we live in Leslie.”

“Maybe you should hang out with them more often. You know they really look up to you – “

He rested his head on his hand and shook his head. “Ok, fine, I’ll pay more attention… Listen, not to change the subject, but if you’re serious about coming over, I’d rather hang up and take a shower and finish this conversation in person. Can you be here in like a half hour?”

He heard the smile in her voice, “See you then.”

\------------

Ben was standing dumbfounded in the middle of the kitchen holding a garbage bag and looking around the house in horror, not even sure where or how to begin the massive clean-up effort, when Leslie came in. Her hair was in a ponytail and she was wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants, but she looked like an angel in the doorway. Ben dropped the garbage bag and walked quickly to the door, barely voicing a hello before he wrapped his arms around her and pressed his lips to hers. It felt like he hadn’t seen her in days.

She stood on her tiptoes, dropping her bag and pulling him against her. He stirred instantly at her touch, but forced himself to cut the kiss short. He needed to come clean about the prior night first before things escalated.

She was still trying to kiss him as he grabbed her wrists and unwound her arms from behind his head. “Leslie, I need to clear the air about last night first. I’m sure Ann gave you an earful.”

Leslie’s face turned instantly serious on him. “Ben, I need to tell you something first.”

“Um… ok, sure. You first.”

She paused and looked down at her feet, “I was at the party last night.”

His heart skipped a beat as panic washed over him, “You what? You were here? I didn’t see you here – “

“It was late. I stopped by on a whim because I wanted to see you. I had a pretty crappy night.”

His face fell as she continued, “When I finally found you, you were completely wasted and dancing –“

He was suddenly dizzy and had to slump down onto the couch behind him. “Oh God, Leslie, I’m so sorry. It was a really strange night and I started doing shots with Andy and – “

She sat down on the couch next to him and started rubbing large circles on his back. He looked up in bewilderment. “Wait. What is going on? Why aren’t you mad at me right now?”

She sighed and broke eye contact, “Because you didn’t do anything wrong that’s why. How many times have you seen me dance with other guys? You were at a party and having fun. I trust you Ben. I honestly do.”

Now he was confused. “So why didn’t you say hi then? Why didn’t I get to see you?”

“Because… I pretty much ran out the front door and went home.”

“But you just said you weren’t mad? Am I missing something here?”

She turned to him and spilled everything. The shock she felt at seeing him so happy. Watching him laughing and dancing and knowing that if he’d known she was in the room it would have all stopped. Then she told him everything Ann said when she came over.

“So I think the problem here is that we are trying to be two completely opposite people with each other and it’s really messing with my head. I’m overreacting to things that normally wouldn’t bother me and you are so afraid of someone finding out about us that you go rigid anytime I’m around (and not in a good way).” She smiled at her own aside hoping to lighten the mood.

He smirked at her but immediately shook his head. “Leslie, I don’t know how else to act. It’s extremely hard to try not to be in love with you.”

She smiled and leaned in for a lingering kiss. “Which is why I have a new plan.”

He groaned and sat back against the couch cushions, closing his eyes and rubbing them with his hands. “I don’t like this already.”

She bounced in her seat, “Ben, it’s time you and I became friends again.”

He froze before slowly dropping his hands to his lap and opening his eyes. “You’re kidding right? Leslie, I have a hard enough time simply working in the same building as you. How do you expect us to pull off being friends?”

She got increasingly excited as she explained her thought process to him. “Easy. Instead of having to hold in all your emotions to the point where you are outwardly uncomfortable around me – which I’m surprised hasn’t raised any eyebrows from those who didn’t know we were dating come to think of it – we’ll just slip back into the friendship we had before we hooked up in the first place. We can smile and laugh together again and we don’t have to avoid each other anymore. It’s perfect!”

Ben could think of a hundred reasons it wasn’t perfect, but she didn’t pause long enough for him to get a word of caution in.

“Les – “

“… we can eat lunch together, and visit each other’s offices! You still keep up the façade of dating Shauna to throw off those who knew, and to anyone else we’ll be acting like we always did. We should make up a list of rules specifically geared toward being friends in the office so we don’t do something that could be misconstrued – “

“Leslie – “ He tried to cut in again.

“Maybe we can even get Chris to let us work on a project together! Wouldn’t that be awesome? Something that forces us to have to spend tons of time together – “

“Leslie!”

She finally stopped, but looked at him bewildered. “What?”

“This is the worst idea ever. There is no way us spending more time together at work is going to help anything.”

She patted his hand and brushed off his concerns. “Ben. This is going to solve everything! You’ll see. Let’s do a trial run on Monday. We eat lunch together. In public. At City Hall. As friends.”

He was torn. On one hand he knew this was a disaster waiting to happen. He wasn’t sure he had a middle-ground where it came to Leslie. But on the other hand, she obviously wasn’t dealing very well with things the way they currently were, and he was in agony whenever he was in the same room as her and he had to pretend there was nothing at all between them. 

He looked up at her forever hopeful face and knew he was going to do this for her. Even if it meant things we harder for him. He was going to do this for her because he loved her. He was going to do this for her because she was the one risking everything to be with him. If softening a bit in public and pretending to be friends again made her more at ease and less likely to be caught, then that’s what he was going to do. 

“Ok. We’ll give it a try. Monday, we sit together and eat lunch and pretend to rekindle our friendship.”

She launched herself onto his lap and screeched in his ear. “You are not going to regret this!”

Her lips were on his and her hands were pulling on his shirt before he had a chance to think otherwise.

\------------

They were tangled in each other’s arms in his bed, dreading the clean-up that still had to take place in the living room, when Leslie’s phone started to ring. She groaned into his chest and shook her head when he offered to go get her phone for her.

“Whoever it is isn’t nearly as important as what we are doing right now.”

He laughed and kissed her forehead and she whimpered when he stood up.

“As much as I would love to lie here all afternoon with you, I really have to start cleaning. I can’t relax knowing it looks like that out there. You go see who called and I’ll grab us some bags and gloves.”

When he walked back into the living room with the supplies, she was frowning.

“I’m so sorry Ben, but I can’t stay. William and Elizabeth want me to meet up with them in an hour and go over their latest strategy to bounce back from the meet and greet disaster.”

He felt like such an incredible asshole.

“Oh my gosh, Leslie! I meant to ask you about that when you got here. I’m so sorry I never called you to see how everything went last night.”

She brushed it off. “It’s fine Ben. You had your own crazy night and you did say you wanted to talk to me when I got here but then I started in on my plan and then all that amazing sex happened…” She was smiling at him. “Seriously, it was a weird night for both of us. Let’s forget it even happened. I’ll fill you in on the awful details later.”

She was gathering her things to leave and kissing him goodbye when she remembered one last thing he should probably know. “Oh right. Um… just so you know, I spent the morning with my mom, and she totally guessed that we are still together. No big deal. It’s only my mom. She’s not going to say anything. Ok, gotta go! Talk to you later!”

She tried to make a fast getaway, but Ben was quicker. He stood in front of the door, blocking her from leaving. “What?! Leslie! How are you so calm about this?!”

“She’s my mom Ben. She’s got some weird ability to see into my soul or something. I think moms just know these things. Why are you so worried? She’s certainly not going to tell anyone and ruin everything for me!"

“I know she’s not going to purposely sabotage you, but anyone who knows increases our chances, even slightly, of getting caught! I know your mom is a hard ass – in the best possible way – but what if she slipped up and even gave the smallest hint that we are more than business associates? We can’t be too careful here Leslie. Why didn’t you tell her we weren’t together?”

She cringed, “Because she said she could tell I was in love. And I am. And I’ve never been able to lie to her. She said all growing up I was a terrible liar and she always knew when I wasn’t telling the truth. I’m sorry Ben, but I trust her one hundred percent and really don’t think we have anything to worry about.”

Ben knew there was more to the story. “And did she give you her blessing?”

Her silence confirmed his suspicions.

“I’m guessing she didn’t laugh about it this time. She told you this was a bad idea didn’t she?”

She crunched up her face. “Well, not exactly. She reminded me that at some point we were going to have to make a hard choice and that we couldn’t continue sneaking around forever. Even if we make it through the campaign unscathed, we still have to deal with you being my boss. She wanted to make sure I was thinking clearly and not just running on emotions.”

Damn it if a hard dose of reality didn’t hurt to his core. They could ignore the inevitable all they wanted but it wasn’t going to make it disappear. One day they would have to make that choice. And Ben was unnerved that even after their shared confessions of love that if it came down to it, he had no idea if Leslie would choose him. And as he looked into her worried eyes, he was pained at the thought that he didn’t think she knew either.

“Ben, I’m sorry to spring this on you like that and then take off, but I really have to go. Can we please table this until later?”

He stepped aside and opened the door, unable to look her in the eyes again. 

“Sure. We’ll talk about it later.” 

She kissed him quickly on the lips and scanned the street before heading down the sidewalk and walking the few blocks down to her car. As he watched her go, he knew full well that neither of them was going to be the first to bring it up again because they both knew they weren’t prepared for the answer.

\------------

Aside from a few short phone conversations, they never had the chance to see each other again before work on Monday because William and Elizabeth monopolized Leslie for the rest of the weekend. Ben was silently praying that Leslie had thought things through and changed her mind about eating lunch together. When he still hadn’t heard from her by 12:30, he felt a conflicting mix of emotions. Relief that he didn’t have to sit across from her and pretend he felt nothing more than friendship for her, but also disappointment that she’d stood him up. 

By one o’clock his stomach was growling. He took his lunch to the courtyard and sat down at an empty table in the back. 

Five minutes in she burst through the door, full of apologies and good news.

She sat down next to him - too close for friendly colleagues – and started to explain why she was late. He inched away from her uncomfortably and stopped her before she gave everything away.

“Leslie!” His words a harsh whisper. “What are you doing?”

She looked around, suddenly aware of her surroundings. “Oh crap.” She scooted away from him and sat around the other side of the table. “Did anyone see?”

He furtively glanced around the other tables. None of the Parks department was there and no one else seemed to be paying them any attention.

“Not this time, but what were you thinking? This is supposed to be the first time we’re really talking again remember? I knew this was a bad idea.” He started to pack up his lunch.

“Ben, stop. I’m sorry.” 

He looked up at her and took a deep breath. “Ok, let’s back up and start this again.”

“Hey Leslie, long time no see. How’s the campaign coming?” he didn’t have to feign the awkwardness he felt.

She settled back in her seat and composed herself. “I just got back from a meeting with Mr. Kernston. You know, Kernston’s rubber nipples?”

“Yes, I remember.”

“Well, Tom felt bad about ruining my meet and greet on Friday so he went and apologized to Mr. Kernston and begged him to give me another chance. I had to run over there at 11:00 last minute. That’s why I was late for our ‘work lunch’.” He smiled at the robotic tone in her voice. “And the best news is he’s going to donate to my campaign after all!”

His smile was genuine as he congratulated her.

She was beaming at him when Ann appeared around the corner.

“Hey Leslie… and look, it’s Ben…and you two are eating lunch. Together.” She gave Leslie a warning glare. “Can I talk to you over here for a second?”

Leslie cringed at Ben before getting up and following her best friend out of earshot.

“Seriously Leslie, what are you doing?! “

She folded her arms and leaned toward Ann, “Why are you making a scene? I told you I was going to ask him to lunch!”

Ann rested her hands on Leslie’s shoulders. “Can I remind you again how I think this is a terrible idea? The two of you were practically jumping each other the way you were smiling so intently at each other. Please don’t do this to yourselves.”

“I know what I’m doing Ann. Trust me. We will be fine.” She looked over to Ben and he quickly turned his attention to a pigeon that was eating stray food crumbs off the ground.

“I’m worried about you. Please be careful and call me if you need to talk.”

She gave her friend a quick hug and returned to the table. Ben didn’t look happy.

“What was that all about?”

“Ann was concerned about us trying to be friends again. As far as she’s concerned, I’m still hung up on you and you are dating someone else. She’s worried about me, that’s all. Honestly, I do feel really bad keeping her in the dark. Like I’m a terrible friend for having this big secret.”

Ben’s fingers twitched in her direction as he almost reached out to hold her hand. He placed them on his lap quickly. “Leslie, are you going to tell her? I need to know if you are close to letting her in on this.”

She ducked her head behind her hands, “No. I can’t. I want to so badly, but I know I can’t. Do you think she’s ever going to forgive me for keeping this from her?”

“I’m sure she’ll forgive you.”

The way he was looking at her sent a quick wave of panic through her. They were going to have to work on reigning in that dreamy eyed look he was giving her. But, as she studied it, she wondered if he had always looked at her that way. When they had been just friends, had she been that clueless that she never noticed that how he felt about her had always been written all over his face? 

“How about we talk about work for a bit? Keep the field neutral in case someone else wanders by?”

He watched her open a binder labeled “End of the World” and wondered what she could possibly be working on now.


	8. Secret Dating

\------------

“I think Ben and I should accompany you tonight. These Reasonablists live on planet nut-brain and I don’t think you should be there alone.” 

Ben hung his head and cringed. They’d made it through a couple trial lunches that week relatively unscathed, but every instinct in him told him spending the evening with Leslie and Chris was a terrible idea.

“Oh, I don’t think we have to do that…”

He knew it was a lame attempt but it was all he could verbalize in the moment. But of course, as usual, Chris was determined.

“No, no, no, I insist.” 

He made a quick escape out of Chris’s office and into his own and wasn’t surprised to hear Leslie’s feet padding behind him.

“Isn’t this great? We get to hang out and work on something together again.” 

Always the downer to her unfailing optimism, he didn’t feel the same excitement she did.

“Listen, I’ll come for a bit, but if it’s ok with you, I’m not going to stay.” 

She was puzzled. “Why wouldn’t you stay? These guys are completely insane. It could be a lot of fun.”

“Leslie, I don’t think that you and I spending an entire night together with Chris hanging around is a wise decision.”

“He’s going to be so enthralled with this group of wackos that I bet he doesn’t even pay any attention to us.” 

He hated to always play devil’s advocate, but he still wasn’t completely buying into the whole ‘let’s be friends’ again plan. 

“Leslie, I just think we need to be extra careful. Is anyone else from the Parks Department going to be there?”

“Well, Ron usually shows up to sell handmade flutes – “

“Oh God.” He rubbed his fingers along a furrowed brow. “The last thing we need is Ron thinking there’s anything between us.” He lowered his voice. “Honestly, I’m kind of terrified of what he might do if he finds out.”

“Ben. No one is going to find out.” She leaned in closer. “Stop worrying so much. Can’t we just enjoy the fact that we can hang out, in public, after work and be happy with that?”

He didn’t understand how she didn’t see the disaster waiting to happen, but arguing about it at work wasn’t exactly the best idea either.

“Ok. I don’t have a choice here anyway since Chris is making me go regardless. But if I get any weird looks from Ron or Chris even mentions you and me in the same sentence, I’m leaving.” 

She opened her mouth to speak but the pleading look he gave her silenced her. “I’m doing this to protect you, Leslie. Please don’t fight me on it, ok?” 

She didn’t seem convinced, but she gave in. “Ok. Deal.”

\------------

Ben drove to himself to the park after work and stayed in his car for a few minutes to ready himself for the evening. The Reasonablists were already set up and he spotted Chris deep in conversation with one of them. He breathed a sigh of relief when he glanced around the park and the adjoining lot and noticed that Leslie was nowhere in sight.

His first impulse was to flee and make up an excuse to Chris later about his absence, but his professionalism took over and he realized he couldn’t skirt out of every work situation that involved Leslie. They would inevitably have to work together and he was going to have to be able to handle that.

He reached for the door the same instant someone rapped their fingers against the window. His already jittery demeanor caused him to jolt in his seat. When he looked up expecting to see Leslie, he was instead greeted by Shauna’s wide smile.

Well if that wasn’t the fucking icing on the cake.

She stepped back as he hesitantly pulled on the handle and opened the door.

“Hey Batman,” she teased. “Good to see you’ve recovered from last weekend.”

He stood up, nervously laughing as he scanned for Leslie. She still hadn’t arrived.

“Yeah… about that…” he wasn’t sure how to ask the next part, because he wasn’t proud to admit there were still gaps in his memory from that night. “I usually don’t drink that much, or dance really, ever. I didn’t say or do anything crazy I should know about, right?”

She shook her head and smiled brightly at him. “You were a perfect gentleman. I actually had a great time hanging out with you. I was pretty wasted by the end there too, but not drunk enough to forget your riveting rendition of The Evolution of Dance.”

She chuckled at the memory as he hung his head in embarrassment. “Oh God, I don’t remember that at all. Was it horrendous?”

“Ben, I’m not going to lie. It was hysterically awful.”

He covered his face with his hands and groaned. Even talking about it didn’t jog his memory. He was not one to get blackout drunk and the whole thing was extremely unnerving to him.

“I think my favorite was when you tried to do ‘Kung Foo Fighting’ in a Batman suit. Or wait, maybe the Batman robot…” She was laughing at the memories and it was making him want to crawl into a hole.

“Ok… ok… we don’t have to relive it.” 

He couldn’t help but smile despite his embarrassment. He must have looked completely ridiculous. And she was rattling off some of his high school signature moves, so unfortunately he knew exactly how terrible he looked.

She grabbed his arm to steady herself as she bent over laughing. “Oh wait! I also remember the shopping cart/sprinkler/lawn mower combo, and at one point you wanted everyone to clear the floor so you could prove to me you could actually do the worm.”

He was laughing out loud now at the absurdity of everything she was remembering. “I can’t believe you are actually talking to me in public after witnessing all that.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” she tilted her head and smiled brightly. “I haven’t laughed that hard in ages!”

“Well at least I didn’t try to sing. Because that – “

Shauna smirked deviously, “Sorry Ben... I will never be able to hear Ice, Ice, Baby the same way again.”

“Good Lord… Hey Shauna, I have an idea. How about we never speak of any of this again… ever?”

She leaned backwards against his car and shook her head. “I don’t know Ben, if things don’t pick up here in a few hours we may need some entertainment.”

He closed the car door and shot her a look of feigned exasperation. But a smile crept up behind it and tilting his head toward the grass he stuck his hands in his pants pockets and started to walk. 

“Come on. I assume you’re here on official business and not as one of them, right?”

She nudged his arm with hers and fell in step with him. “Definitely not one them. I drew the short straw having to report on this story for sure. Although, since you’re here, it doesn’t seem such a raw deal anymore.”

\------------

Leslie pulled into the parking lot, her stomach full of butterflies at being able to spend time with Ben even if it was under less than desirable circumstances. She turned to Ann who was seated beside her and knew that Ben was not going pleased that she tagged along. When she sent Ann to the park for the permit money a few hours earlier, she’d let it slip that Ben and Chris would be there that night. And Ann, being the amazing friend she was, offered to come along for moral support in case Leslie needed her to run interference with Ben.

As she was gathering her purse to get out of the car, Ann spoke up suddenly and startled her. “Oh crap… Hey Leslie, I’m… um… really thirsty. Do you think maybe you could drive me to the store, like right now?”

Leslie looked up from her purse. “Oh don’t worry about that. They always have water and juice here.”

Ann grabbed her arm as she shifted to get out of the car. “Food! I’m actually super hungry too. Why don’t we go swing by JJ’s and get a quick bite before we spend all night waiting for some giant lizard to come eat our faces. My treat.”

Leslie picked up on Ann’s nervous demeanor and stared skeptically at her. “They will have snacks here and besides, I always come prepared with my own emergency rations. You know that Ann. What is going on with you right now?”

She saw Ann’s eyes move furtively over her shoulder and she turned her head to see what it was that caught her attention. Ann stopped her before she could turn all the way around.

“Leslie, don’t.” She sighed and gave Leslie a sympathetic look. “Ben and Shauna are over there and I wanted to – “

“What? Where?” She whipped her head around just in time to see Shauna grab Ben’s arm and double over laughing. She couldn’t stop the pit from forming in her stomach when Ben burst out laughing right along with her.

“Leslie, Ben and Chris are both here and I’m sure they can handle the non-event that is taking place tonight. I can call Chris in a bit and tell him you got sick and you aren’t coming. You don’t have to do this.”

She straightened her shoulders and took a deep breath. “Ann, I appreciate that you’re trying to protect me, but I’ll be fine. I can handle this.”

Ann shook her head, “No Leslie, I really don’t think you can. Not yet. Please, let me take you home.”

Leslie opened the car door and stepped out just in time to see Shauna lean into Ben and nudge him with her arm. She forced herself to stay calm and not run over there.

“Ann, I’m not going to leave. This is my job and I’m not going to let Shauna and Ben keep me from doing it. I’ll be fine.” As long as I keep reminding myself the whole dating thing is a complete sham. 

She knew Ben told Shauna that he only wanted to be friends, but from her vantage point, Shauna’s body language was signaling she was definitely thinking otherwise. She needed to put a stop to that immediately.

Ann stepped out of the car and pleaded with Leslie using a different tactic. “Leslie, Chris is here and I don’t think you should be here with Ben while Shauna is here too. This isn’t smart, Leslie. Think about your job and your campaign. The last thing you need is to be outed about your feelings for Ben with a reporter here. Please, Leslie.”

“Ann, I’m going to very nicely ask you to shut your beautiful pie hole and trust me. Everything will be fine. Let’s go.” Leslie started off toward the park without even looking back at Ann to see if she was following. 

She saw Shauna turn and smile at Ben while they were walking and a fire sparked from within. She needed to get over there and break up this happy little reunion.

\------------

By the time she caught up with Ben and Shauna, Chris joined them and Shauna was interviewing them about the Reasonablists. She caught Ben’s gaze briefly as she joined them, but after that brief second, he wouldn’t meet her eyes again. 

After assuring Shauna there was no real threat, Ben and Chris walked away and Leslie was left standing alone with her.

She watched Shauna’s eyes linger on Ben as he walked away and tried to bring her attention back. “Headlines? Yes, we should definitely talk headlines. How about Zorp – “

“Hey Leslie, can I talk to you girl to girl for a minute?”

Oh boy. 

“Um, sure … I guess…”

“You’re friends with Ben, right? Do you know anything about the relationship he was in that recently ended?”

Stay calm. Act normal. 

“No. Ben and I… I mean… I never… I’m a woman and he’s a man and we’ve never talked about sex. As a matter of fact, I heard a rumor the other day that he was gay.”

Shauna laughed, “I seriously doubt that. I’m pretty sure he said he’d been dating a woman and it ended badly. You never saw him bring anyone around City Hall?”

Oh please make this conversation stop.

“Nope. Maybe he made her up because he doesn’t like you.” She cringed. 

“I’m sorry?”

“What I meant to say… was maybe he made her up because he doesn’t like women. I really think there’s something to that gay rumor…”

Shauna leaned in closer, “Leslie, could you do something for me? I need to know whether or not he’s ready to date anyone, specifically me. But I don’t want to make a fool of myself like I did the other night. I would be so grateful.” 

Not a chance. 

Wait. 

What happened the ‘other night’??

“How… how and when exactly did you make a fool of yourself?”

“Please don’t tell him because it’s clear that he doesn’t remember. Oh boy, this is extremely embarrassing. I kissed him the other night at the Halloween party but he pulled back…”

She didn’t hear the rest of the sentence because her vision tunneled and she lost all five of her senses at once. The only thing she was semi-conscious of was suddenly being dragged away from the conversation and escorted over to a picnic bench under a tree. 

The voice started far away and came at her in a haze.

“Leslie… Leslie!”

Her vision cleared and she saw majestic angel Ann standing in front of her.

“Leslie, can you hear me?”

She nodded, slowly regaining her bearings.

“What the hell was that?! I thought you were going to faint back there! Your eyes glassed over and your skin lost all color. Stay right here and let me get you something to drink.”

She reached for Ann’s arm to stop her.

“No! Ann, I’m fine. It was a head rush. It’s ok.”

Ann sat down beside her clearly not willing to let this go.

“Leslie what was that conversation I walked into? Why was Shauna asking you about Ben? They’ve been dating for a while now, so why would she be asking you to find out if Ben’s ready to date anyone?”

Leslie was silent. She couldn’t think of a single excuse that Ann would believe.

“Leslie… there is something you are not telling me here. What is going on?”

She couldn’t meet her friend’s eye. She could feel Ann fitting the puzzle pieces together.

“Oh no. Leslie, please don’t tell me what I’m thinking is true. Please do not tell me that you and Ben are still together and he is stringing Shauna along as a front for your relationship.”

More silence.

“Leslie. You better spill it right now. How do you expect me to help you if you don’t tell me things?”

And still more silence. She couldn’t bring herself to say the words. 

“Oh my gosh, Leslie! If I didn’t love you so much I would strangle you right now!”

She took a deep breath and finally met her friend’s eye.

“We didn’t want anyone to know Ann. I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you so many times and I just couldn’t. We agreed that no one could know because the stakes were so much higher this time. And then when Chris set up Ben with Shauna, the opportunity presented itself and we went with it. We even have a list of rules – “

“Leslie, I want you to listen to me carefully. You are going to lose everything if you two continue this. You are so awkward around each other in public it’s almost painful to watch. He is clearly not handling any of this very well and you are an emotional nightmare. If you two have been together this whole time, why have you been such a wreck?”

She accepted it was finally time to tell Ann the whole story. So she did. She told her everything. She detailed the events leading up to their reunion in his office. She told her about the night they told each other I love you after she went crazy thinking he was dating Shauna behind her back. Leslie didn’t leave out a single detail straight through to Shauna’s confession about kissing Ben at the party.

“Wow. Leslie, this is crazy. You have to know that right? What you two are doing is so unhealthy I can’t even believe it’s lasted this long. I know you love him. I’ve known that for a long time. But is all the sneaking around and risking losing your job and the election worth -”

Leslie looked past Ann and saw a very concerned looking Ben looking in her direction. 

“Yes.” She interrupted as she focused back on Ann. “Yes, it is.”

“Well, clearly I’m not going to talk you out of this at this point even though every part of me wants to try. I just wish you’d let me in a lot sooner so I could have helped you before things got so messy.”

Leslie’s eyes filled with tears. “I wanted to so many times Ann. I feel like such a horrible friend.”

Ann smiled and hugged her. “You can always tell me anything, Leslie. You know I’m always going to be on your side. I won’t say I’m not disappointed that you kept me in the dark for so long, and probably wouldn’t have told me still if I hadn’t overheard.” 

She reached for her friend’s hands. 

“But I do understand. It’s so unfair that you two found each other and are so perfect for each other but you can’t be together. I get that. But do you even have a plan? Let’s say you get through the election without being caught. Then what? At what point do you ever get to stop hiding?”

Leslie shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. We have no plan. There is no answer. All we know is that we love each other and we want to be together. I think we’re kind of living in the moment because we’re both too afraid to think about the future.”

Leslie saw the pain in Ann’s eyes for her situation. On one hand, she was relieved that Ann finally knew. But on the other hand, she was bound to try to be the voice of reason and Leslie still wasn’t ready for that. 

“So, what are you going to do about tonight?”

“I’m going to grit my teeth and hope that Zorp actually does show up but only comes for tall dark haired journalists and handsome City Managers.”

“I’m serious, Leslie. Are you going to tell Ben about the kiss?”

“I haven’t decided yet. But even if I do, it definitely won’t be here, tonight. I don’t need him to be any more uncomfortable right now than he already is.”

She watched as Shauna made her way back to Ben’s side across the park.

“But that doesn’t mean I’m going to sit quiet all night and watch her attach herself at the hip to my boyfriend.” She stood up from the bench and zipped up her vest.

“How are you going to stop it without being obvious?”

She started off toward them. 

“Unclear!”

\------------

Dusk was settling in, but Ben could still see the determination in Leslie’s eye as she made a bee-line right for him from across the park. He had never been so uncomfortable in any moment that he could remember. His palms were sweating and his heart was racing. He knew in his gut that she told Ann everything. He could tell by the way Ann lagged behind that things were volatile and he was without any warning as to what was about to happen.

She walked right in between the two of them and put her arms around each of their shoulders.

“Hey guys. What are we talking about? Is Ben boring you with all of his accounting stories?”

“Actually we were having a good time.” She flashed a smile in his direction. “I was asking him about the E720 party. We both got invites and since I’m sure nothing is actually going to happen here, I suggested we drive there together and check it out.”

Ben looked nervously at Leslie. “I told her I was thinking of taking off soon to check it out and wouldn’t you know it, Shauna told me she got an invite too. What are the odds?” He heard the note of panic in his voice and knew he was failing miserably at keeping it together. 

She turned to Shauna, “Ben can’t leave with you because… because Ann just told me Chris wanted him and I to go to that place he was talking about. So we have to go there, right now. Too bad, that party sounded like a lot of fun.” She grabbed his sleeve in an attempt to drag him away.

He saw confusion cloud Shauna’s face. “Alright… Maybe I’ll see you there later then?”

“Um… sure.” 

\------------

He followed Leslie until they were out of earshot and promptly put on the breaks. 

“What was that?”

She groaned. “I panicked! All I knew was I had to get you away from her.”

“Why?! Now she is suspicious. Did you see the look on her face when you physically removed me from our conversation? And don’t tell me you’re jealous Leslie, we talked about this.”

“I’m not jealous. I just don’t want to watch her drool over you all night.”

“Do I need to remind you that the whole ‘me and Shauna dating thing’ was your idea? And I even made sure she knew nothing was going to happen between us while still managing to use my friendship with her to make others think we were dating!“ 

She could hear the frustration building in his voice, but she’d be damned if she was going to give Shauna another chance to come on to him without her there to run interference. 

“I know, but you don’t have to actually leave with her and go to Tom’s party together. I was looking forward to spending time with you here.”

“Leslie. First of all, I wouldn’t leave my car here and drive with her. But, I have to admit, using the party as an excuse to get out of this situation in general is looking pretty appealing.”

“So leaving and going to a party with Shauna is more appealing than staying here with me?”

He shot her a look of disbelief. 

“I can’t believe you’re twisting this into something you know it’s not. Look around, Leslie! Spending time together with everyone around isn’t working! I know something happened and you told Ann about us earlier. And as upset as I am right now, I know this is not the place for us to talk about any of that. Just this exchange right here is probably peaking interest behind us.”

She glanced behind him and the look on her face confirmed his suspicions.

“Who is watching us right now Leslie?”

She paused before quietly answering, “Ron and Chris.”

“Fantastic. Well, I’m going to save this night from getting any worse. I’m going to my car. You are not going to follow me and we will figure out what our next steps are the next time we are alone. Tell Chris I went to Tom’s party and he can call me if he needs me.”

He saw the pain in her face as he lashed out and it was agonizing to watch. He felt like he was almost irrationally angry with her, but he hated to tell her ‘I told you so’. The evening went exactly the way he was afraid it would and for her sake he needed to stop things from getting any worse. Their lack of control of the situation and their feelings was shining a beacon over their heads in front of the very people he was most afraid of finding out.

He was thankful she didn’t try to follow him when he walked away, and he couldn’t bear to look back at her because he wasn’t feeling so great about the way he handled things. As he drove away he noticed his hands were trembling. He pushed the increasingly strong feelings of despair down because if he let them surface he was going to have to admit that things were falling apart. He wasn’t ready to face his own denial about the severity of their actions that evening. Things took a drastic turn for the worse in one night and he wasn’t quite sure what to do next. 

\------------

Leslie fought every urge in her body to run after him. She knew it wasn’t smart. She knew she had to let him walk away but it was killing her to watch him leave so angry and not be able to talk through it. She wondered if he was going to go to Tom’s party to unwind. The thought of him drinking and Shauna being there waiting to make a move was taking her breath away. 

She heard footsteps approach and Ann’s voice whisper to her.

“What just happened?”

“The world is ending.”

“Leslie, I know it may feel that way right now, but I’m sure you will work through whatever that was. In the meantime, we are going to do some damage control right now. You are going to turn around and you are going to follow me to the snack area where no one is standing right now. We are not going to talk about you and Ben yet because Ron and Chris were watching you guys the whole time so we are going to act like that was way less severe than it was.”

Leslie nodded, blinked the tears, and took a deep breath.

“We are going to get you some food and a drink even though I’m sure that is the last thing you want right now. If anyone asks what happened between you and Ben we will tell them that you were angry at him for bailing because the rest of us are sticking it out and we are missing Tom’s party to be here even though we know this is complete lunacy. Can you do this?”

She was so thankful for Ann in that moment that she almost reached out and hugged her.

“I can do this.” She turned to her friend. “I hope you know how sorry I am that I didn’t let you in earlier and how grateful I am that you are here now.”

“I know.” She put her hand on Leslie’s back and gently urged her forward. “We will leave as soon as this blows over and we can talk all about it all then, ok?”

Leslie nodded and followed her lead back to the gathering.

\------------

When she finally got home a few hours later she wasn’t feeling much better. She told Ann what happened with her, Shauna and Ben at the park as she drove her home. She knew she’d overreacted and came across as a jealous girlfriend and Ben had every right to be frustrated with her. He didn’t know about the kiss so her actions were completely unwarranted in his eyes. She had to tell him as soon as she could and hope it helped him to understand.

She picked up her phone and contemplated calling him, but she wasn’t sure she could handle it if it turned out he was at Tom’s party. She didn’t have any texts or calls from him, so she guessed he needed some space to calm down. She resolved to tell him first thing in the morning and make things right. 

She tossed and turned all night. When she did sleep her dreams full of anxiety and when she was awake she obsessed about what Ben was thinking or where he was. She hated having to wait to talk to him. When the sun finally rose, she couldn’t take it anymore. She got dressed and drove over to his house.

\------------

Ben woke up to the sound of frantic knocking on his front door. When it didn’t stop, he stumbled out of bed and made his way blindly through the blaring morning light to answer it. 

“Shauna Malwae-Tweep thinks you’re cute.”

He squinted as he opened the door. “What?”

“That’s why I freaked out last night. She asked me whether or not I knew if you were ready to date yet and then she told me she kissed you on Halloween and that you didn’t remember.”

“She what?!” He was wide awake now. “Oh my god. OH MY GOD! Leslie, I honestly don’t remember. Are you sure she said that?!”

She nodded and he stared at the floor, too ashamed to meet her gaze. He stepped out of the way and she followed him into the house. “Can you just give me a second and then we can talk?”

“Sure. Wait, what about April and Andy?”

“Oh, don’t worry. They’re not home. They left last night and I’m pretty sure they said something about the Grand Canyon?” 

He went to the back of the house, put on sweats and brushed his teeth. He couldn’t stop turning the Halloween party over in his head, but whatever kiss Leslie was talking about wasn’t there. When he walked back into the living room, he sat down next to her on the couch.

“Leslie, for what little it is worth, I have absolutely no recollection of kissing Shauna.”

“You didn’t kiss her, Ben. She said she kissed you and you pulled away. I kind of lost my hearing after that point so I’m not sure what else she said, but she was clearly mortified that she made a move and you rejected her.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. 

“OK, that’s it. This whole Shauna thing ends now. I will make it very clear to her that I am simply not interested in her that way and we will no longer let anyone believe we’re seeing each other.”

Leslie nodded. “Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”

They were silent for a minute before she spoke up again.

“I’m so sorry about last night, Ben. I should have listened to Ann when we got there and let her take me home when she saw you and Shauna laughing by your car. I told her I could handle it, and I probably could have, but once Shauna told me she kissed you I sort of lost my mind.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“When exactly was I supposed to do that? She was at your side every time I turned around. And honestly, I don’t think that was the time or place to unveil that piece of knowledge anyway. All I could think about was getting her away from you.”

He sat forward and buried his face in his hands. “What about Ann? You told her right?”

“I had to. She walked up and overheard Shauna ask me to find out if you were ready to date anyone yet. Then the whole kiss confession happened and she took me over to the table to calm down. She figured it out, Ben. My mind went blank and I didn’t know what to say.”

He sighed. “I’m surprised it actually took this long to be honest.”

“She’s my best friend in the entire world. She would never do anything to hurt me. She actually saved me from total disaster once you left, so it wasn’t all bad that she found out.”

“About that… Les, I’m so sorry for storming away like that. I had no idea what came over you and I saw everything caving in around us and I knew one of us had to get out of there.”

She reached for his hand tentatively. He laced his fingers through hers and a sad smile formed.

“It was a disaster wasn’t it? Ann covered for us with Chris and Ron. She said I was mad at you for bailing and going to Tom’s party. I’m not entirely sure we haven’t peaked Ron’s curiosity, but Chris is still completely oblivious, so at least we have that going for us.”

She gathered her strength and finally asked the question that kept her up all night.

“How was Tom’s party anyway?”

He squeezed her hand. “I never went.”

His reply sent a pulse of relief through her body. She didn’t want to talk about any of this anymore. She needed the comfort of his arms around her at that moment more than she needed anything else.

She stood up and held out her hands as a peace offering.

“I know we have a lot to still talk about, but I barely slept last night, I haven’t kissed you in so long I may be experiencing legitimate withdrawal, and all I want to do right now is get you out of all those clothes and wrap myself around your body.”

He hated that he wanted to follow her lead. But her plea woke him up physically and he didn’t want to sit and go ten rounds with Leslie when he had the house to himself and a beautiful girlfriend who wanted him to get naked with her.

He reached for her hands and stood up, his body inches away from hers. “We really do need to finish this talk you know.”

She let go of his hands and reached for the bottom of his t-shirt. “I know. We will.”

He held up his arms as she pulled his shirt up over his head and let it drop to the floor. Her eyes washed over his chest and he felt his entire body flush in response to the desire in them. 

He grabbed her face with both his hands and rested his forehead against hers. “I love you so much Leslie. Please don’t ever forget that.”

She placed her hands on his wrists and closed her eyes. “I won’t. I love you so much too.”

Their lips met and everything besides their need to be together melted away. They kissed slowly and deeply, neither one stopping to breathe or make a move toward the bedroom. His hands moved first to caress her neck, but then slowly dropped to wrap around her lower back and pulled her tightly against his body. 

She clung to him with an urgency that weakened his soul. Her hands ran down his chest and up around his shoulders as she leaned her entire body into his. Every tilt of her head, every movement of her lips against his seemed to be in an effort to get even closer to him. The way she fit against him and the fire that continually surged through him as they kissed was intoxicating. He would never get his fill of this woman. The passion in her kiss alone was enough to make him lose his mind. 

He needed to touch her. To feel every inch of her skin trailing beneath his fingertips. He broke the kiss to try to lead her to his room, but she was back on him before he was able to take in a full breath. She backed them up to the couch instead and leaned into the kiss so he was forced to sit. She climbed onto his lap and grasped the back of the couch to pull herself as close as possible against him.

She whimpered as she lined herself up against his arousal, not so much grinding as she was pressing herself hard against him. He let her have the lead, enjoying the feel of her urgency against every place they were connected.

She was panting in her fervor for him. He was painfully aroused by her insatiable need to get closer to him with every movement of her lips and slow roll of her hips. His lips were starting to bruise and his erection now contained its own heartbeat he was so turned on by her. 

He reached around and grabbed her ass, pulling her against him as he lifted his hips and held them strong against her center. His hands slid up under her shirt and unhooked her bra before they traced the skin on her back and wound around her front. He pressed them under her bra and held her breasts firmly in his hands. He toyed with her nipples as while they continued to make out until she was so aroused she finally broke the kiss to lean her head back and growl his name. 

His lips were instantly on the luscious expanse of skin along her neck. He ran his tongue sensually down its length. He sucked and nipped his way back up to her mouth as he continued to squeeze, twist and flick her nipples. He paused only for the time it took to hastily remove her shirt before he was back on her. He wouldn’t be satisfied until he kissed every inch of skin within his reach.

She gasped when his mouth lowered to her breasts. She groaned when his hand roughly pressed against the outside of her pants before moving to unbutton them. When she stood up to hastily remove them he pulled his own down just far enough to free his cock before he paused to stare at the vision before him.

She was absolutely breathtaking. He held her gaze, silently signaling her to let him have this moment. 

His eyes drank her in. Her hair was anything but put together. Her lips were swollen and pink, her eyes sultry and dark. Her neck and chest were blotchy from his scruff trailing across them without restraint. Her nipples we taut and perfect, still glistening from his kiss. He would never get over how magnificent she was and that she was all his. 

She raised her hand and tilted her head while she ran her finger down her neck.

“Touch yourself.” His eyes almost popped out of his head when she spoke.

He reached his right hand up and grabbed hold of himself.

“You are so fucking amazing, Leslie.” 

His hand squeezed up his length as she moved to touch her breasts. He stroked himself slowly, not wanting to build any further, but enjoying the heat that seared through his cock as he watched her roll her rigid peaks between her fingers.

Her eyes were fixated on his movements as she ran her hand down her stomach. When her fingers disappeared between her legs, his hand instinctively sped up for a few strokes before he stilled it over his tip and squeezed. He could have come so easily watching her touch herself like that, but he was desperate to be inside her so instead he let go and placed his hands on her hips, slowly pulling her to him. 

He needed a minute to calm down or it would be over the second she lowered herself on top of him. He removed her hand from her clit and used it to pull her into a kneeling position on the couch above him. He led her glistening fingers to his lips and tasted her before sliding his body down until he was lined up with her center.

He held her open with his fingers as he drank in the sight of her engorged sex. Her clit was swollen and she was slick and ready for him. But first, he needed to taste her. He wanted her sweetness on his tongue when he finally slid into her. He ached to run his tongue over her and listen to the moans and whimpers she made all because of him.

He pressed his face against her and ran his tongue along her opening. She arched her back and pressed herself against his mouth as he licked every inch of her. He could feel her clit clench and release as he held his lips against it and she rolled her hips over him.

He only stopped when he felt her hand reach back and her fingers grazed his cock. 

He grabbed her hand quickly and groaned as he straightened himself upright on the couch. 

“I will not make it inside you if you do that.“ 

She grinned deviously as she positioned herself above him and slid easily down his length. 

They gasped in unison as he filled her. He couldn’t hold back. He needed to feel her wetness slide over him while her walls rubbed along every inch of his cock. He grabbed her hips and thrust up into her as she held the back of the couch and cursed.

It was too much. The kissing, her rubbing herself while he watched, her taste still on his lips. He was almost manic in his need to move faster and deeper into her. He held her tight and fucked up into her. She was crying out for more above him and his thighs were burning from the intensity of his movements.

He grabbed her around the waist and flipped them so she was lying underneath him, and continued to move frantically above her. 

“Oh my God, Ben. Fuck that is so hot!”

He was shaking, afraid he wasn’t going to last until she came, but unable to slow himself down. Every thrust caused a different image of her to emerge behind closed eyes. He was barely holding on, sweat trickling down his back and his brow until he finally heard the change in pitch as she started to peak. 

He tried to keep up the pace, to bring her along with him, but he was too far gone and with one final thrust he lost it. He pushed into her hard as he came, the intensity of each pulse through his cock as he squirted into her making him cry out against her neck. 

As soon as he was done, he quickly slid down her body and attached his lips to her clit, sucking and nibbling desperately as he pushed three fingers inside her. She was only seconds away from release and came against his face, quivering and clawing at his back while her clit contracted under his lips and her walls closed around his fingers.

He rested his head against her belly, trying to catch his breath. Her fingers twisted into his hair and she ran them soothingly over his scalp as she helped to bring him down. When he could finally move, he kissed his way up her belly, collapsing against her chest. 

She kissed his head softly as she moved her hands down to scratch gently along his back.

“You are everything to me.” She whispered against him as she closed her eyes and took in a deep breath of him.

She had no idea how badly he wanted to believe that. How much he wished that when it inevitably came down to it, she would pick him. 

He didn’t know how he would survive if he ever lost her again. 

He could feel the world closing in on them. He knew that someday soon the choice would have to be made. Too many people knew. Too many eyes were being cast in their direction. They were not going to be able to sustain this imbalance for much longer. Emotions were too raw, feelings ran too deep. Everything was amplified and their reactions to any shift in their relationship were too intense.

He pulled himself up and led her off the couch to his room before they fell asleep naked in the middle of his house. They climbed under the covers, wrapped themselves around each other and held on tight as they drifted off.


	9. Secret Dating

\------------

There are days when Ben thinks he is one of the most pessimistic, cynical people on the planet. His mind always drifts to the worst that could happen in any situation. He can’t help it. It’s the way he is wired. And no amount of trying to talk himself out of his own thoughts ever seems to work. He continually focuses on the parts of something that are broken rather than those that are working fine. It’s the days when his propensity for pessimism are at their highest that he marvels that Leslie always seems to come through with enough positivity and spirit to bring him back and sustain them both.

But there are also days where even Leslie can’t shake him out of his funk. 

What they did to that high school’s model UN was unforgivable. 

Things were fine at first. They were both in their element and they were really working well with those kids to solve their food crisis. But Ben knows when it all went south. He can pinpoint the exact second his happiness turned sour. 

Inventing off the wall handshakes was sort of his and Leslie’s thing. It started during the Harvest Festival planning and continued to be their running joke. At first it was a flirtatious excuse to touch her, but then it became more of a silent competition to see who would fall out of rhythm first. He always found some way to throw in a random bazooka or light saber, but she never missed a beat in her reaction. They were never rehearsed and he loved that no matter who started it they both fell right into step and played it out flawlessly. 

So he tried not to make it a big deal out of what happened. And in all honestly it shouldn’t have been an issue at all. It was such a silly little thing in the grand scope of their relationship. But being smacked across the face during one of those handshakes stung – and not just physically. She broke rhythm and it caught him completely off guard. It was the first time either of them ever faltered and rather than laugh it off, he managed in the dark loneliness of his quiet bedroom to over think it and turn it into something that defined the current state of their entire relationship.

He knew he was doing it. He tried to downplay it. But no amount of internal discipline could change the fact that one incident caused a dormant seed to finally begin to breathe life. The doubt that he’d been pushing aside for months, which he shoved forcefully into the dark recesses of his mind every time it reached for that life giving light of day, finally took on its own life-force.

He hadn’t actually come face to face with William Barnes since the ‘Ladies Yacht Club’ meeting. Leslie always managed to seamlessly keep Ben separate from her campaign. But being physically slapped in the face and turning to be metaphorically backhanded as well froze Ben in his tracks.

Never having to actually see Leslie’s campaign managers made ‘out of sight, out of mind’ work for him. Staring face to face with one of them as he flirted with his subordinate girlfriend without any thought for who was watching nearly threw him into a full on panic.

Their behavior could have easily peaked William’s interest. Fortunately, he was rushed and never even caught eye contact with Ben. Instead he whisked Leslie away for her photo op while she called him ‘buddy’ and asked him to tread water until she was ready to resume.

He knew by the look on her face that William’s presence wasn’t a surprise to her, only his timing was. His immediate instinct was to snap at her for keeping him in the dark about something as important as one of her campaign managers attending the Model UN, with a camera crew. He knew they didn’t talk about her campaign, but clearly this should have been an exception and he couldn’t quite come to terms with her omission of their planned presence.

After about 10 minutes of ‘treading water’, he started to sense the looks of frustration on many of the kid’s faces whose club they’d come to help save. But it wasn’t until he heard someone behind him wonder out loud if Leslie was there to help because she really cared or if this was all a big campaign ploy that he had enough. 

The photographer stopped taking the first round of pictures when Ben walked with purpose across the floor to the stage. Choosing to focus on the kid’s anxiousness to continue rather than the alternative accusation, he tried to move things along as smoothly as possible. 

But being told they needed to wait another 10-15 minutes for the ‘oh so important’ photo shoot to wrap up while Leslie defended its importance instead of hurrying things along to get back to the kids broke something in Ben. And when he was told to move from the next round of pictures like he was some random person in the way instead of the man she was in love with, her co-facilitator of the conference, his already irrational aggravation skyrocketed. At the very least, having the Assistant City Manager in the shot with her acknowledging and supporting her efforts in the community could have been an excellent campaign plug. 

But she said nothing to defend anyone William was pushing around. And watching her sit silent and put her campaign ahead of the feelings of those she was supposed to be focused on was more than he could stomach.

He didn’t care that he was being childish. He knew she needed the publicity for her campaign, but he didn’t agree with the tactics being employed to make it happen. He was in the same boat as those kids who were frustrated at being so easily cast aside and he reacted in kind.

He returned to the conference and proceeded to write her out of her own treaty and in doing so, managed to wage a war that neither of them had any hope of winning. Things went exponentially downhill for them from there, and unfortunately, they weren’t the only casualty of this fight. They managed to bring down an entire club of hard-working, innocent kids whose only crime was relying on them to be their role models.

Playing it all over again in his head caused him to groan and bury his face into his pillow, attempting to hide his shame from himself. He knew that his actions were petty. He didn’t really expect her to suggest he be included in the publicity shot. But he couldn’t help but feel that some pang of loss he felt when he first realized she was being asked to run for office. That no matter what, the campaign would always come first and he had no place in the biggest part of her life right now. If she was once again forced to make a choice, she would ultimately let him go before she would her campaign.

They could continue to live in their own little half-burst bubble with their blinders on, pretending that would never actually happen, but the truth was it was getting closer and closer to happening every day. It became a living, breathing, source of constant anxiety for Ben that was beginning to suffocate him. 

He turned and stared at his phone charging on his nightstand. Part of him wanted to call her and have her talk him out of his spiral. But after everything they’d been through with the End of the World debacle and now the Model UN disaster, he didn’t think being talked down was the answer anymore. 

This was their reality. 

Not the sunshine and roses she managed to make their relationship into when he needed to feel better. These fears and doubts he had weren’t imagined or unnecessary. They were the life they chose to live. A life full of looking over their shoulders and stolen moments when they thought no one was looking. 

A life that will never be able to move forward from what it was. One that won’t ever have the chance to grow into anything more meaningful or substantial.

They can’t date. They can’t even share their happiness with their friends. The ring he impulsively picked out but never bought will sit untouched in the display case at the jeweler, possibly mocking him someday from the finger of another woman who was able to have it all.

Acknowledging all this in his head was nothing new, nor was the panic that set in when he thought about letting her go. The only thing that seemed to change at all was the frequency and intensity of these thoughts. 

He had no idea where to go from here and it worried him. He turned away from his phone and closed his eyes, willing sleep to come while at the same time fearing the dreams that recently began to haunt him.

\------------

Leslie refilled her glass, sat back down at her kitchen table and continued to stare at her cell.

She still couldn’t believe how she and Ben behaved that day. She was mortified that she let her personal life spiral so out of control in front of a group of high schoolers who looked up to her enough to ask her to help save their favorite club. 

She racked her brain to try to piece together where it all fell apart. 

She didn’t want to be mad at Ben. But his overreaction to giving her a few minutes break to take a couple of pictures in order to boost her campaign made her furious. Who was he to cut her out of her own treaty when the photos ran a few minutes longer than he’d liked? She’s the one who invited him there! 

They still hadn’t talked about any of it. Once they’d managed to self destruct and take the whole conference down with them, April and Andy stepped in quickly and separated them, making sure each drove back to their own houses to give them time to cool off.

April didn’t say much as she walked Leslie to the car, and Leslie had no idea how much April knew about their current relationship so she kept quiet too. A simple ‘boys are stupid’ followed by a quick hug was all April offered before she turned toward her own car.

Leslie sat behind the wheel of her car watching as Andy slapped the hood of Ben’s car while he backed up and drove out of the lot, never even glancing in her direction. It wasn’t until Ben’s car was out of sight that she started her own and headed home.

She knew they both needed time to cool off; to ponder what exactly happened that afternoon. But all she wanted to do was pick up the phone and find a way to make everything better. She wasn’t one to brood normally, but she knew he was and respected that maybe he wasn’t quite ready to talk yet.

Part of her resistance to be the first to pick up the phone and apologize was having to hear another one of his lectures about how spending time together in public was a terrible idea. But really, everything was fine until she’d put the conference on hold for a half hour. 

And so what? 

It gave the kids time to fine tune their proposals; to think of alternate solutions. But this couldn’t be just about her needing to take a small break for a photo shoot. Something more happened to make Ben lose it so spectacularly and she wasn’t sure how much longer she was going to be able to handle not knowing what it was.

She thought about calling Ann, but she was tired and too embarrassed by their actions to rehash the whole thing with her that night. Tomorrow was Friday so she hoped to get Ann to go have drinks with her so she could talk as long as she needed to and hope Ann would have some suggestions for her.

She wasn’t sure how long she sat at the table going over and over the events of the day before her phone buzzed. Thinking it was Ann, she was caught off guard when Ben’s new moniker ‘Luke’ appeared. With shaky fingers, she pressed the message button.

We really messed that up today didn’t we? 

It was so terrible. I feel like a complete ass.

Me too. What do we do to make it up to them?

Leslie paused and stared at the question while a thought took form.

I have an idea but I need to do a few things first. Meet in your office at 10?

Sure.

She waited for him to text more, but it never came. 

\------------

Leslie was up before the sun, her thoughts immediately drifting to the unsettled feelings lingering about Ben from the day before. They still hadn’t talked about the blowup other than the quick text the night before, and she knew they had a lot to sort through together. Unfortunately, that would have to wait until later. She pushed those thoughts from her mind and instead focused her attention on the task at hand. 

She was at City Hall by 7:00 and by 9:00 she obtained the approvals for everything she needed to surprise the Model UN club that afternoon and hopefully make amends for the disastrous day before. Now she just needed Ben to put her plan into action.

\------------

Ben hit snooze on the alarm 3 times before finally succumbing to the day and dragging himself out of bed and into the shower. He had an awful night’s sleep, first unable to stop thinking about Leslie and almost calling her numerous times after their short texting. He finally decided he wanted to have this discussion in person and put his phone out of reach. When he finally did fall asleep, his dreams were plagued with various situations where he and Leslie’s relationship was found out and she lost her campaign backing and/or her job due to the scandal. 

The closer he got to City Hall the worse he felt. Part of him wanted to see her and be near her, but the other part of him wanted to lock his office door and not have to face her at all. He was grateful for the few hours of work he distracted himself with before Leslie burst through his door at precisely 10 o’clock.

“So here’s the plan...” She closed his door behind her and sat in the chair opposite him. “I’ve already got approval from Ron and Chris, all we need to do is the legwork to put this into motion. The kids have called an emergency meeting after school to discuss the future of their club, only instead of having that meeting, we are bussing them to City Hall and we are going to throw them a pizza party in City Council chambers.”

“Leslie, I don’t think a pizza party – “

“It’s not only a pizza party Ben! We are going to announce to them that due to a coordinated effort by the Parks Department and the City Manager’s office, they will be hosting a state-wide Model UN in three months in that very same room!”

Ben was floored. “Leslie, that’s amazing! How did you manage to coordinate that in only a few hours?”

“Never underestimate me Ben. I’ve done a hell of a lot more with a lot less.” She smiled smugly at him. “Harvest Fest ring any bells?”

He sat back and grinned as he took in the whirlwind in front of him. Harvest Fest held a lot of special memories for him, namely falling head over heels for a small blonde spitfire as they spent day after day and night after night planning it together. 

“You are an amazing woman Leslie Knope. I think the plan is perfect. How can I help?”

She flashed him an adoring gaze at his compliment before her face turned serious and the work began.

\------------

By 3:30, everything was set. The school and parents were notified of the change in after school plans for the club, and the pizza was on order. A list of schools in the state of Indiana with Model UN clubs was secured and Ben and Leslie split it and spent all day in their respective offices calling each school personally to explain the event and invite them to the summit. Leslie created an official invitation to send out as a follow-up and Ben merged all the school data to create the personalized letters.

They met in the lobby in front of City Council Chambers to await the arrival of the club. 

“I have to hand it to you Leslie, this plan was amazing. I have half a dozen schools that expressed immediate interest in attending already.” He wanted to hug her, or reach for her hand, aching for any kind of touch at this point, but he folded his hands in front of him instead and resisted. “You are going to really wow these kids today.”

“I hope so. They were pretty angry with us yesterday.” She paused, dropping eye contact with him before speaking again. “Are we ok? I know we both said some awful – “

The sound of teenage chatter caused Leslie to stop mid-sentence. Leading the group of scowling students was the blonde French Ambassador who was the spokesperson for the club.

“Ah, France. Bienvenue.”

“My name is Cassidy and I’m really annoyed with you.” 

“Yes, and you have every right to be. But we’re hoping what we are going to show you right now will make up for that.”

She opened the door to the Council Chambers and the kids faces lit up like it was Christmas morning. Upon hearing the news they were going to host and lead a statewide Model UN as well as receiving personal apologies from both Ben and Leslie, the events of the prior day were forgiven.

After the pizza was all gone and initial strategies for the upcoming conference were brainstormed, the kids left and Ben and Leslie stayed behind after hours to clean up. They talked only about the Model UN while they worked, knowing that the jovial mood of the day would be broken once one of them turned the topic to their relationship. The heaviness of the pending talk filled the room and eventually, once all was clean and back in order, they turned to each other and acknowledged the need to clear the air.

A soft smile formed as Leslie spoke first.

“Today was really great. Thanks for working with me to fix all of this for them.”

“Well, we were the ones who derailed the whole thing in the first place. I’m glad we were able to set everything right for them.”

Leslie breathed long and deep before continuing. “I think we’ve successfully avoided this talk by distracting ourselves, but I can’t take it anymore. What happened yesterday that set you off?”

Ben stared at the floor and tried to find the words to explain. “Leslie, us teaming up to lead that meeting yesterday seemed like a perfect scenario. And truthfully, everything was going great at first.”

“So then what happened? You can’t possibly be upset that my campaign managers wanted to use that conference and my involvement with the local youth to try to boost my ratings?”

“Leslie, it’s not that simple. Of course I understand that. But it was a lot more complicated than that and you know it. First, you didn’t even give me a heads up that they would be there – “

“But we agreed not to discuss anything having to do with my campaign!”

“This wasn’t a small detail Leslie! I needed to know that they were going to be there and were bringing a camera crew so I was on guard about the way I acted around you! We were goofing around and giggling like two teenagers when Barnes blindsided us. And you slapped me in the face! I know that was accidental, and I’m not necessarily mad about it, but the point is, you should have told me. It was too big for you not to!”

“I was afraid if you knew you wouldn’t come. And I really needed you there with me.”

“For what? To watch you drop those kids like they were nothing as soon as Barnes beckoned you? To sit back and listen to them wonder if you were doing this because you cared about their club or if the whole event was one big publicity stunt?”

Leslie’s jaw dropped and she froze in place. “What?”

Ben cursed himself silently for divulging that last piece of information to her, but it was time for Leslie to finally acknowledge the big picture. 

“I overheard one of the kids question your motives and that is when I went looking for you. I wanted to hurry the photo shoot along so you could get back to the real reason we were there.”

“Ben, we took less than a half an hour break! I don’t think that was so over the top that it warranted you proceeding to write me out of our treaty!”

Ben sighed and rubbed his hand across his forehead in frustration. “Leslie. It wasn’t only about the time. It was everything from you not telling me about the photo shoot in the first place to allowing Barnes to push you around the entire time. He had no regard for those kids or what we were trying to do there. And you stood there and let him walk all over you and call all the shots! You didn’t speak up to try to move things along, you allowed Barnes to dismiss me like I was nobody – “

“Now that’s not fair and you know it. I couldn’t defend you to him! Do you want him to figure us out?”

“You weren’t so worried about that when you failed to clue me in that he was going to be there in the first place!”

Leslie balled her fists at her side and closed her eyes tight. He could see anger rising through her body and he decided it was time to put his foot down.

“You and I can’t work together anymore Leslie. We’re going to end up being caught.”

Her eyes shot open and her jaw dropped in protest.

“Leslie, look at us. The last few times we’ve tried to pretend all we are to each other is friendly coworkers has blown up in our faces.”

She shook her head. “We just need to work through those rough spots. If we put our heads together and come up with a better plan…”

Ben stood firm. “Leslie, you aren’t listening. I’m not going to do this with you anymore.”

“So all that matters is what you want? You of all people should know how important this campaign is to me and frankly, I think you are acting like an ass. Barnes isn’t suspicious. This all turned out even better for those kids than we could have imagined. So tell me what exactly is so terrible that suddenly working together is completely out of the question?”

“You can’t be serious! Leslie, it doesn’t work that way! You can’t just focus on the aspects of these situations that spin positive by pure luck and ignore the more serious issues!”

“Why not? What’s so wrong with focusing on the good in a situation?”

“Because it’s selfish! You’re ignoring the parts that are cause for real alarm. Are you forgetting that it’s not only your job on the line here? Stop being so obtuse Leslie!”

She huffed at his insult. “If anyone in the entire world should understand the position I’m in – “

“Damn it Leslie! I do understand which is why I’m telling you this isn’t going to end well!”

“Well then maybe we shouldn’t be together at all anymore Mr. Pessimistic! How’s that ending work for you?!”

“Maybe we shouldn’t!”

He was so angry at her for refusing to recognize the direness of their situation that he let his response roll off his tongue before he even knew what he was saying.

The ice from her glare constricted every muscle in his body. She spun on her heels and stormed out of the room. By the time he was able to move again, all he saw was the flash of her hair as she flung the doors open and stomped out.

“Leslie!” 

He ran after her, jogging down the hall to catch up to her as she walked much faster than he’d ever seen her petite frame move. She ignored his repeated pleading for her to stop and talk to him. He grabbed hold of her arm when he closed the gap enough to reach out for her, but she yanked it from his grasp as she finally came to a halt.

“Leslie, I didn’t really mean we should break – “ He was close to tears and in a full-fledged panic.

She softened slightly as she registered the desperation with which he stood before her.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. 

“Ben... I think we are both saying things we don’t mean, and I think if we sleep on it and regroup tomorrow, we will be able to look back on this day differently. You’ll see that things really aren’t as gloomy as you’ve made them out to be and we can figure out a different strategy going forward.”

Ben’s stomach clenched into a knot as she spoke. Her refusal to still acknowledge reality and listen to any kind of reason pushed waves of unease through to his core. 

He knew better than to push the issue any further that night. He grumbled a maybe at her, sinking his hands into his pockets, and focused on a crooked tile on the floor rather than meet her gaze. He heard the shakiness in her exhale as she paused momentarily before turning and continuing down the hall. 

He shook his head and sighed.

He was going to have to take matters into his own hands and she wasn’t going to like it one bit.


	10. Secret Dating

\------------

 

Ben woke up in a cold sweat. His heart was beating so fast it felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. He tried to shake the feeling, reciting over and over to himself that it was just a dream. They weren’t found out. There was no scandalous story smearing Leslie’s face all over the media. Joan wasn’t following them around with a camera crew trying to spin their involvement with each other into a governmental corruption piece.

 

He’s had a different version of the same dream every night since the Model UN. 

 

He turned toward the empty space in his bed. He ran his hand along the cold sheets, longing for the days where he used to be able to touch her, pull her to him and fall asleep to the scent of her enveloping him as he buried his face in her hair and spooned her soft, naked body against his.

 

As his hand smoothed back to his own side the realization that those days were so far gone and not in any version of his foreseeable future caused an overwhelming sadness to wash over him. He closed his eyes and willed sleep to come, but the next few hours were spent tossing and turning until finally he gave up as the sun began to peek in from behind his curtains.

 

\------------

 

Leslie ultimately gave up on sleep as the orange hue from the morning sun began to filter through her bedroom window. The night had been a restless one. She didn’t sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time. She ran scenario after scenario of ways she and Ben could meet halfway on his refusal to work together with her anymore. Working together on projects with him was the only way she was guaranteed to get to spend any kind of quality time together with him and she wasn’t willing to just give it up the way he was.

 

She fluctuated between being angry at him for overreacting to the whole Model UN campaign op to being frustrated at his refusal to see that there was no reason to stop working with her. But the thing that hit her the hardest, the thing that kept her up staring at her ceiling all night was the part where they actually verbalized breaking up. She felt physically nauseous when she replayed that conversation in her head. She didn’t mean it when she said it to him. It was spewed in the heat of the moment and she wanted to rip the words out of the air and shove them back down her throat the minute they were out.

 

But what was even worse than her vocalizing her biggest fear was his reaction to it. His momentary agreement that it was even an option. And rather than be shocked or sad, she got angry at him and stormed away. How could he even consider breaking up an option? How could he blow the few hiccups they’d encountered in their renewed relationship so out of proportion that not dating was better than strategizing alternative solutions?

 

She shook her head fiercely. She was not a quitter. She was not going to give up on the relationship, or working together or spending as much of her limited free time with him as possible. She would brainstorm a solution to all of it. 

She was Leslie Knope and she wouldn’t stop until she had it all.

So, in her lack of sleep induced hysteria, she simply decided he was overreacting. She would give him the weekend to come to the same conclusion and things would be fine by Monday.

 

She straightened her shoulders and stood up out of bed and made her way downstairs to brew her morning coffee. She had a breakfast date with Ann in a few hours so she had plenty of time to watch the morning news while she brainstormed some campaign ideas before her afternoon meeting with her advisors.

 

\------------

 

True to her word, she kept her physical distance the whole weekend.

 

She wanted him to miss her. She wanted him to see that they needed to spend time together at work because as her campaign ramped up, her free time out of work would be extremely limited. City Hall was all they were going to have soon and since he clearly wasn’t going to listen to her, he was going to have to reach that conclusion all on his own… with her help of course.

 

She put Operation Sly Fox into effect.

 

She was the first to open up communications with him Saturday night with a simple text that she missed him but would be working late on her campaign that night.

 

She sent it as she watched History Channel in her pjs alone on her couch.

 

His response was a simple ‘ok’ a few minutes later.

 

Her phone buzzed a half hour later. ‘Can we meet for lunch and talk tomorrow?’

 

She texted him back that there were some campaign events in place for Sunday and a dinner date with her Mom late and she wouldn’t be able to see him then either.

 

She figured it was a great day to spend by herself in Ramsett Park doing some clean-up work and rewarding herself under a shady tree after with her copy of the newly released ‘The Other Barack’.

 

There were a few minutes of cell phone silence before a ‘good luck’ buzzed through.

 

She told him couldn’t wait to see him at work on Monday.

 

\------------

 

Leslie got to work on Monday feeling confident, energetic and recharged. She didn’t seek out Ben immediately; even though she missed him immeasurably and wanted to shove him in an empty conference room and make-out with his terrible face sooner rather than later. (She might have had some pretty steamy dreams about it the night before).

 

She kept herself as busy as possible over the weekend but she wasn’t able to stop herself from longing to see him. She honestly ached for him. Not having seen him at all was a lot harder than she’d thought when she put her plan in motion. But she kept reminding herself why she was doing it and the long-term benefits of him coming around on the whole not working together anymore nonsense.

 

She was startled out of her daydream when Chris popped his head around the corner of her office with his usual cheery grin, a “Leslie Knope! Happy Monday!”, two finger guns, and “my office, 10 minutes” before whistling his way out of the Parks Department.

 

\------------

 

When she entered Chris’s office, Ben was already sitting in a chair at the desk. He didn’t look up at her when she entered, and judging by the look on his face, something awful was about to go down. She gave Chris a skeptical smile and slowly lowered herself into the remaining seat.

 

Chris sat on the corner of his desk in front of them.

 

“Ben! Why the long face? This is going to be a fun project for you to assist Leslie with!”

 

Leslie was confused. “Project?”

 

Chris turned his attention to Leslie when he didn’t elicit any reaction from his partner.

 

“Yes! I’m in the process of having all of the remaining phone booths removed from around Pawnee. They are basically obsolete since everyone has a cell phone these days, not to mention they are germ infested Petri dishes…” He shuddered visibly at the thought.

 

“One of these booths sat on a large slab of concrete, and I’ve tasked you and Ben with finding something creative to do in that space. Maybe a statue? A plaque? - ”

 

Leslie beamed. ”I know that spot… oh! How about a little park! The Smallest Park in Indiana!” She spanned her hands out in front of her, highlighting each word for emphasis.

 

Chris slapped his hand on his knee. “Yes! I like the way you think Leslie! See Ben. I told you she would have an amazing idea!”

 

Ben sighed and rubbed his hand along his face. It was unnerving her that he still hadn’t looked directly at her since she’d gotten there. Maybe this was part of his own plan to throw Chris off their trail. That was it. She knew he’d eventually come around.

 

Chris stood up and motioned for them to leave. “You two better get brainstorming! I can’t wait to see what you come up with!”

 

Leslie followed Ben out the door and closed it behind her.

 

“Way to throw Chris off our trail! I knew you’d figure out something!”

 

“Leslie, I wasn’t – “

 

“So I have a great idea for the space. We can put a bench and some flowers – “

 

“Leslie, you’re not listening – “

 

“ – oh and a bird bath! Maybe some stepping stones... and a light post! Some soft light on the area would give it a great ambiance – “

 

Ben grabbed her shoulders and spun her toward him. They locked eyes for the first time since she came to Chris’s office and something in her smile and the radiance she exuded rendered Ben speechless. This was not the time for this. Not in the hallway right outside Chris’s door. Not at work and certainly not when she was lost in her brainstorming moment. It sounded like this whole Smallest Park was pretty much finished already, so he figured he could wait until after work to talk seriously with her.

 

He smoothed his hands down her arms and took a deep breath. “Listen, I have a lot of work to do so maybe you could tackle this one on your own?”

 

“But Chris said – “

 

“Leslie, your ideas are great, as always. I don’t think I would have anything to add so why don’t you work on putting together a prototype that we can present to Chris later?”

 

He gave her a closed lip smile and turned to walk toward his office.

 

\------------

 

Leslie spent the morning creating her model of the park and researching the specifics of the space. When she placed the figurines on the bench she imagined it to be her and Ben, sitting in public, holding hands in a park she created just like a normal couple.

 

She had to admit, his attitude earlier was a bit unnerving. She understood his detachment in Chris’s office, but when he kept up the game in the hallway outside and pushed her to do it all on her own she couldn’t figure out his strategy. It had to be that they were still so close to Chris’s door. She saw the look on his face when he grabbed her arms. She saw how hard it was for him to let go and walk away. When he touched her she almost threw her arms around his neck and devoured him. But she’d played it cool, just like she knew he was doing.

 

She saw Chris jog by in his running clothes and made a decision. She stood up and grabbed the model. Enough was enough. She wanted to see him, wanted to steal a quick kiss and if she could catch him alone in his office while Chris was on his afternoon jog, he could drop the charade.

 

When she got to his office, he wasn’t there. She set the park down and unbuttoned the top button on her blouse. She hid just inside the doorway and a few minutes later he returned. She shut the door quickly behind him and grabbed him, startling him as she turned him around and smashed her lips against his.

 

She felt his body go rigid and a gasp escape his closed lips before he registered what was happening.

 

“God I missed you so much.” Leslie sighed against his lips as she wrapped her arm tightly around his neck while the other slid down to grab his ass.

 

For a moment he gave into the kiss, but too soon he was pushing her away and stumbling backward, his eyes flitting to the door as he wiped his mouth.

 

“Are you crazy?!” Not the reaction she was hoping for, but maybe it was because she surprised him.

 

She tried again.

 

She lowered her head a bit and gave him her most sultry eyes as she slinked toward him. He moved for cover behind his desk.

 

“Leslie, what are you doing?!”

 

“Chris is on his afternoon jog and I haven’t seen you in so long. I couldn’t stop thinking about kissing you so I figured I’d come in here and surprise you when you got back.”

 

He placed his hands on his desk and dropped his gaze, shaking his head.

 

“Damn it Leslie, you can’t do that here! I don’t care if Chris is gone or not. If anyone saw you and I in any kind of compromising position and it got back to Chris do you have any idea the shit-storm that would cause?!”

 

“But I miss you – “

 

“I miss you too Leslie, but just because we haven’t been able to see each other outside of work for a few days doesn’t mean we can make up for that at the office.”

 

He sat in his chair and rubbed his eyes with his palms. “I can’t do this Leslie. Do you have any idea how badly I want to lock that door and press you up against it? One kiss and I’m already fully standing at attention. I miss you too, and I want you, please don’t misinterpret my pushing you away, but feeling like this at work and having to suppress it all every time I’m near you is hell. I can’t work with you anymore. I’m sorry. I know you don’t agree, but after this park is done I’m asking Chris to take over all Parks related business.”

 

Leslie was taken aback. “No, no, no. The solution here isn’t working together less, it’s to work together more! It’s because we only see each other so rarely that we can’t help but want to jump each other’s bones as soon as we’re near each other. No, the solution here is to work together more so that we are able to control those impulses and become desensitized to them at work.”

 

He let out a frustrated breath as he struggled to keep his composure.

 

“Leslie, listen to me. This is the way it has to be. I’m sorry, but once this park is done that’s it. I’m not going to change my mind on this. Please understand this is in our best interest.”

 

Leslie’s face went blank. She stood up and squared off her shoulders. “Fine. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to ascertain the whereabouts of some oversized ceremonial scissors.”

 

She grabbed her model of the park, the jolt of which knocked the figurines off the bench onto the ground.

 

“Well, Mr. Wyatt if you can stand to be around me for a few minutes we have to present this park to Chris when he gets back. Don’t worry, I won’t bother you until then.”

 

“Leslie, I – “

 

She stormed out of his office before he could finish his sentence.

 

\------------

 

“Ann, I’m freaking out and I need you in my office now!”

 

Leslie left Ann a voicemail and paced. The nerve of him! He wouldn’t even give her idea a chance. Not working on any Parks business anymore?! Like suddenly removing himself from all things Parks related isn’t going to raise the biggest red flag of all?!

 

So when was she supposed to see him now? Her campaign obligations were ramping up, they couldn’t be seen publicly together anywhere, he couldn’t stay at her house at night, and she couldn’t go to his because of April and Andy. 

 

Work was all they had at this point!

 

She was furiously pacing back and forth when Ann poked her head in to assess the situation and immediately came in the rest of the way and shut the door behind her.

 

“Leslie, I need you to breathe.” She tried to steady her friend by the shoulders. “Now tell me what happened.”

 

She was seething.

 

“Ben doesn’t think we should work together anymore. Ben apparently calls all the shots in this relationship now. Ben said that after this project we are working on he is removing himself from all Parks related business. I’m freaking out Ann. The only thing we have right now is work! And now he doesn’t want to work together anymore?”

 

Ann sighed and took her friend’s hands in hers. “Leslie, Ben loves you. He’s not doing this to hurt you. He’s doing it to protect you.”

 

“Protect me from what Ann? Spending time with my boyfriend? Working together to create wonderful things for Pawnee? I know we can figure this whole work situation out if we just gave it a chance. I need a way to convince him Ann. I need to show him that we can do this. Damn Chris for giving us this tiny hole in the ground project. I need more time!”

 

Ann gave Leslie her most sympathetic look, gesturing at the replica perched on Leslie’s desk. “I’m sorry Leslie, but it looks like this project is basically done so you’re going to have to accept the fact – “

 

“Ann you brilliant mongoose. That’s it!” Leslie clasped her hands together and practically jumped up and down. “If I drag out that tiny park project as long as possible, Ben will have to keep working with me and it will give me time to show him that we can do this!”

 

Ann was staring at her wide eyed shaking her head furiously at her as Leslie began to push her out of the office. “No. Leslie that is not the answer!”

 

But Leslie was no longer listening to her.

 

“I have to get the neighborhood all riled up so they demand an environmental impact study. I have call the press and leave an anonymous message, I have to – “

 

“Leslie for God sakes! – “

 

“No Ann, I beg of you please shut your beautiful pie-hole and go back to your office. I’ve got this. This will work. It has to.”

 

\------------

 

Ben stormed past Andy and April in the living room, tearing off his jacket and frantically loosening his tie before throwing them both on the kitchen table as he jerked open the fridge and grabbed a beer. He chugged it and slammed the bottle on the counter, immediately grabbing another.

 

“Did they finally cancel Game of Thrones?”

 

April’s snark stopped him mid-sip.

 

“First of all, no, of course not, and second of all, mind your own damn business.”

 

He retreated to his room and locked the door behind him, leaning back against it as he tried to calm himself down.

 

She called a public forum?! Had she completely lost her mind? His phone started ringing in his pocket and without even reaching for it he knew it was her.

 

He just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t go another 10 rounds with her. There was no talking to her about this. He didn’t even know what he would say at this point. He took his phone out of his pocket and shut it down, knowing it was absolutely not the best way to deal with the situation, but doing it anyway.

 

He heard a soft rap on the door followed by April asking if she could come in. He tried to tell her to go away but she was persistent so he finally unlocked the door and walked over to his bed and sat down.

 

“I’m not really in the mood April.” He hid his face in his hands.

 

She closed his door and walked over to him. He felt the bed shift as she sat down next to him, barely placing her hand on his shoulder and just as quickly pulled it away. He almost smiled at her awkward attempt to console him.

 

“You know you can talk to me right? I’m not going to tell Andy or anyone if you need someone to talk to about Leslie.”

 

He shook his head. “It’s not about – “

 

“Ben, don’t you think I recognize the signs by now? Leslie is the only one who can get you this riled up. And don’t think that the two of you are any sneakier this time than you were the first time. So just let me in and tell me what’s going on and quit being such a loser, ok?”

 

He appreciated the gesture more than he would ever let on, and he turned his body toward her. He believed her. He knew she’d keep quiet. And honestly, he could use someone to talk to, so he let her in.

 

He told her about the breakup and a PG version of their reunion. He talked about Shauna. He told her about Ann and Marlene figuring it all out and he recanted every disastrous public encounter.

 

April was quiet through the entire thing, which was touching given her propensity for making fun of him. When he finished he waited for her to say something, anything that may help him see the answer he wasn’t able to find on his own.

 

But, as she took a deep breath and pursed her lips, he knew she was holding back from saying the very thing he didn’t want to hear.

 

When she finally spoke, it was uncharacteristically soft.

 

“Wow. She’s it for you isn’t she? You guys are really in love with each other.”

 

He cast his eyes down and nodded his head.

 

She mimicked his pose. “I think you already know the answer here though don’t you?”

 

He nodded again, still silent, not wanting to say it out loud.

 

“It’s the right thing to do, you know. I know you were probably hoping I’d tell you differently, but I just don’t see any other alternative.”

 

She stood up to leave, turning around before she opened the door.

 

“For what it’s worth, I’m really sorry.”

 

“Yeah. Me too.”

 

She opened the door to leave.

 

“Hey April?”

 

She looked back at him. “Yeah?”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Anytime.”

 

\------------

 

He didn’t listen to the multitude of messages she’d left on his phone until the next morning. Every single one was some sort of rant about something else she’d thought of that would be an obstacle to the park opening. By the 9th message he stopped listening to them and just deleted the rest. He could hear the desperation in her voice. It pained him to witness the increasing panic in her tone and craziness of her ideas.

 

Any lingering doubts he had about what he knew needed to happen next were wiped away by the stunt she pulled with the barbeque and the protestors that afternoon. He hated the way he’d shut the whole thing down and walked away with Chris, but there was no other choice. He had to put a stop to it to save her from herself.

 

At work he sat at his desk quietly the rest of the day. He couldn’t concentrate on work and went back and forth about his decision for hours. He sat turning his cell phone over and over in his hand until just before it was time to go home when he finally called Ann and asking her to bring Leslie to the Smallest Park at 7 that night to meet him.

 

She didn’t press him for any information, but he knew she figured it out when she asked if she should stick around to take her home after.

 

\------------

 

He had to admit, the park looked amazing. Leave it to Leslie to take a chunk of concrete and create a masterpiece out of it in one day. As he sat on the bench waiting, his heart skipped a beat with every passing car. He felt sick. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream and knock over every free standing object around him, cursing the universe for never giving him a happy ending.

 

What if he couldn’t go through with it? What if he took one look at her and just couldn’t do it?

 

He saw Ann’s car turn into the parking lot and felt his heart speed up. He stood up and wiped his hands on his pants, not surprised that his legs no longer felt as if they possessed the strength to keep him upright.

 

The door opened and Leslie stepped out. She looked breathtaking in that red coat. He often told her he loved that color on her and wondered if she picked it tonight on purpose. She said something to Ann and closed the car door, looking down at the ground as she approached.

 

He wanted to reach out to her. To wrap his arms around her and tell her everything was fine. That he loved her and that was all that mattered. But instead he shoved his hands into his coat pockets and waited.

 

She finally looked up at him as she reached the park. Her eyes were glassy and full of apologies. She forced a small smile at him as she approached.

 

He choked down a sob as he gathered his nerve. He gestured to the bench and asked her to sit, choosing to stand in front of her rather than sit so close to her.

 

He broke eye contact with her in a panic. He couldn’t do this. His mind went blank. He couldn’t find the words to begin. Everything he practiced to say to her while he was waiting was gone. The only thought in his head was how much he loved this woman sitting in front of him and how as soon as he opened his mouth he was going to crush her.

 

She shifted nervously on the bench. “Ben?”

 

He took a long, shaky breath and finally spoke, keeping his focus down on his nervously fidgeting hands instead of on her.

 

“First off, I want to say I’m sorry about the way I acted today at the barbeque. I didn’t know what else to do. I understand what you were doing and why you were doing it, but there was no other way to get through to you – “

 

“I’m so sorry Ben. I panicked when I realized you were serious about not working with me anymore and figured if I just had a little more time…”

 

He finally let himself look up at her. She paused and sighed.

 

“I realize I was being crazy. And I get it now. I’m finally ready to listen. I was just so afraid that if we stopped working on things together that I would never see you.”

 

He nodded and struggled to continue.

 

“That’s why I asked Ann to bring you here tonight. It’s not that I don’t want to work with you. I need you to believe that. The enthusiasm and passion you put into everything you do make me want to work on everything with you.”

 

Her smile this time was genuine, but faded as he continued.

 

“The problem is that I love you. I love you too much to be able to work platonically with you when it’s the only time I seem to have with you anymore. I can’t concentrate because I want to touch you. I want to kiss you and make love to you every time I’m near you. I don’t know how to look at you without it being written all over my face how in love I am with you. I’m not sleeping and when I do I’m plagued with nightmares about being found out and ruining everything you’ve worked so hard to accomplish.”

 

When he saw her eyes well with tears he was unable to hold back his own.

 

“We can’t go on like this anymore Leslie. “

 

She opened her mouth to protest but he pleaded with her.

 

“Please don’t. I’m barely able to say this as it is.”

 

He knelt down in front of her and took her trembling hands in his.

 

“I’m sorry, but I need more. I don’t blame you for having dreams and following them. I admire you for them. The clarity of your ambitions and the drive and dedication you follow them with are part of the reason I fell in love with you in the first place.”

 

He reached out instinctively and wiped a tear from her cheek, his fingers lingering there trying to savor their last touch.

 

His next words came out quiet and broken.

 

“I love you too much to continue this way Leslie. I love you enough to know it’s time to let go. My feelings for you are all consuming. They’re too strong. I can’t live with these stolen moments anymore. It’s destroying me. I need you. I want all of you every second of every day. I want everyone to know how much you mean to me. I want to be able to hold your hand in public, to take you to dinner and kiss you anywhere and anytime I feel the urge. I want to fall asleep with you in my arms and wake up with you still there.”

 

Leslie let go of his grasp slowly, her cheeks streaming with tears. Her shoulders began to shake as she buried her face in her hands and broke down.

 

He forced himself to go on. His head was swimming and he was barely able to continue. Nothing in his life up to this moment was more difficult to get through than this.

 

“I know we can’t have more Leslie, but I honestly can’t live with less any longer.”

 

He reached for her hands, gently bringing them down from her face and pausing to drink her in. He cupped her face in his hands and let his thumbs graze her cheekbones.

 

“I need you to know how much I love you and how excruciating this is for me right now. But it’s time Leslie. We both knew deep down this day was inevitable. As much as we wanted to believe we would figure this out, we always knew… “

 

He closed his eyes, unable to look at her this time as he said the words. He leaned his forehead against hers as she began to shake her head.

 

“It’s time for us to let go and for you to go after your dream.”

 

He leaned into her, unable to stop himself. Her entire body was shaking as his lips met hers softly for the last time.

 

When he pulled back, she sat uncharacteristically still, almost trance-like on the bench. He forced himself to let go of her and stand. It was with the last ounce of his willpower that he took a step back from her. He didn’t even have the strength to raise his arm and wipe the tears away that were unabashedly trailing down his face.

 

He didn’t get more than two painful steps from her before she spoke.

 

“There is another option.”

 

She said it so softly he wondered if he’d imagined it. He turned back to see her rise off the bench and take a step toward him.

 

“We could just say screw it and do this thing for real.”

 

“What?” Oh god. Please Leslie, don’t make this harder.

 

“I miss you like crazy. I think about you all the time. I want to be with you. So let’s just say screw it.”

 

He shook his head repeatedly as he spoke.

 

“No. We’d have to tell Chris…”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I could turn into a scandal…”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“It could hurt your campaign...”

 

“Yes.”

 

He almost asked her how she imagined they’d do this but he caught himself. He knew she was talking desperately and that there was no possible way for them to make it work without her losing everything she’d worked her whole life to achieve. He fought the false hope that began to rise from within.

 

“Leslie please don’t do this. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if we did this and it cost you your job and even worse, your campaign. I can’t watch your name get slung through the mud because of me after everything you’ve done for this town. And that is exactly what is going to happen.”

 

“I don’t care.”

 

An eerie calm swept over him as he forced out a long steadying breath before continuing.

 

“Yes you do. And I couldn’t live with myself if I was the reason it all got taken away.”

 

He had to go before she tried to talk him into it. There was no more fight left in him.

 

“I’m sorry Leslie. I’m so sorry...”

 

He turned quickly and walked away from her. He heard her calling him and pleading with him to come back but he didn’t stop. He lengthened his strides, practically running through his tunneling vision toward his car.

 

He didn’t remember putting the keys in the ignition, or anything about his drive home. He was wasn’t at all conscious of his actions until he found himself in his driveway, the car still running as he flung open the door and ran to the side of the house. Collapsing onto his hands and knees, he threw up.


	11. Secret Dating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are, the final chapter! I can't believe I finally finished this and can rid my conscience of an unfinished story. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I loved creating it. 
> 
> Drop me a comment and let me know what you thought! I'd love to hear from you!

\-------------

 

The pounding on his bedroom door is so sudden and loud that he actually jumps up out of his bed from a dead sleep and is instantly furious. He is expecting April’s usual obnoxious voice to follow but when he hears Ann yelling his name instead the anger immediately turns into panic and he rushes to unlock the door.

“What happened?! Is Leslie - “

“Ben, damn it, why haven’t you answered your phone!”

Ann pushes past him into his room frantically opening his dresser drawers and throwing clothes out onto his bed.

“You need to get dressed now and we need to get over there before she does something crazy she can never take back!” 

He freezes. Oh god, what has Leslie done now…

“Ben! Are you listening to me?! Come on, get dressed we have to go!” 

She is more unhinged than he has ever seen her. He grabs her shoulders to get her to stop for a second and take a breath.

“Ann, what is happening? What did Leslie do?”

Ann’s eyes flit back and forth between his as she manages to finally compose herself.

“Leslie called a press conference at Ramsett park at 10 o’clock. She is announcing her concession from the City Council race. We have 15 minutes to get there and stop her from making a huge mistake.”

Ben takes a step back and gasps. 

“She’s what?!” 

He immediately starts pulling on random articles of clothing as Ann explains.

“I tried to talk her out of it, but she’s not listening to anything I say. She wouldn’t say a word to me in the car last night when I drove her home after you left, and I was really worried about her so I slept on her couch. I woke up to hear her on the phone calling the local news saying she had a very important announcement to make to the citizens of Pawnee and that she is holding a press conference at the park at 10 am. When I asked her what was going on she very calmly told me she was dropping out of the race. She was eerily calm Ben. After that it was like I wasn’t even there. She wouldn’t acknowledge anything I said so I rushed over here to get you. I must have called you 20 times on the way!”

Ben picked up his phone from the nightstand and powered it back on.

“I shut it off last night because I figured she’d be calling to try to convince me to give us another chance. I didn’t think I’d be strong enough to not answer and give in if I saw her name.”

Ann’s look of sympathy was quickly replaced by determination as she started pushing him out of his room and through the house. April and Andy already had their coats on an keys in their hands ready to follow and help however they could.

Ann got him to the park with 5 minutes to spare and he jumped out of the car before she’d even finished parking it. He ran full speed, dodging through the assembled crowd scanning for any sight of her. He finally saw her deep in conversation with her campaign advisors. As he headed straight toward them he watched as they both shook her hand before walking off toward the parking lot.

“Leslie stop!” 

She was walking up to the podium when she heard his voice. She turned to him as he closed the last few yards between them.

He brushed past her and went straight to the mic instead.

“There is a situation that requires Leslie’s immediate attention. I’m sorry but she will have to cancel this press conference.”

The coolness of Leslie’s demeanor as she slowly but forcefully pushed him out of the way and took the mic from him was unnerving.

“The press conference is NOT cancelled, just please give me a few minutes to speak privately with my colleague Ben Wyatt, assistant City Manager. Thank you.”

She grabbed his arm and pulled him behind the stage and out of sight of the crowd.

Before he could say a word she spun around and held her hand up in front of him.

“You are not going to talk me out of this so don’t even try. Last night I watched the man I love give up and walk away from me so I could follow my dreams. But you know what? Somewhere along the line those dreams have changed. Of course I still want to run for office and do everything I can to help make Pawnee great, but I want to do it with you at my side. I want your advice and I want to be able to have you with me at campaign events. I want to be able to throw my arms around you when something good happens and I want to be able to let you hold me when something goes wrong.”

He shook his head in defeat as she spoke.

“Leslie, that can’t happen. That is a fantasy that can’t come true.”

“Right now it is. But there will be other city council elections. There are other jobs out there that I can find to still be able to do good for this town. But Ben, there is no other you. There is no one else I will ever want to be with and I can’t let you just slip away when it took me so long to find you.” 

Her eyes filled with unshed tears as she lifted her hand to his cheek.

“I’m done Ben. This is my choice and I am choosing you. Please let me do this for us.”

He choked back a sob as he closed his eyes. She was choosing him. But it shouldn’t be one sided. She shouldn’t have to give up her whole life just to fit him into it. He opened his eyes and took her hand from his face, pressing a kiss to her palm as he reached for her other hand, holding them both between them.

“Can I just ask you one thing first?”

She nodded and he squeezed her hands in his.

“Let me be the one to leave my job for us.”

Her eyes opened wide as she shook her head. “No Ben! You are the Assistant City Manager! Your job is much bigger and more important than mine.”

“Leslie, just hear me out. Please. First of that is not true. Your job is extremely important, not just to you but to everyone in Pawnee whether they appreciate it or not. I don’t feel anywhere near that level of passion for my job. If I quit and get a job somewhere else you don’t have to give up City Council. You can have that and keep your job. If we give it a couple of months to settle we can start to hang out again and eventually we can start to date out in the open once enough time has passed and there will be no scandal. Sure, maybe people will wonder if there was something going on before when we worked together, but it would just be speculation. If you drop out of this race now what explanation will you give? And, if I quit and we suddenly start dating, the whole picture will become glaringly obvious. It will be something an opponent can dig up and use against you years down the line when you do run again. It will haunt you forever.”

She let go of his hands and stared at him silently. He couldn’t read her face to know if he got through to her. He’s about to ask what she’s thinking when she nods her head once, smiles and lets go of his hands. 

She turns to walk back onto the stage and he hears a hush come over the crowd as she walks back up to the microphone. He walks around the stage to watch her and finds Ann, April, Andy, Chris and the rest of the Parks department gathered together and he silently joins them as she begins. 

“Citizens of Pawnee. When I called this press conference I had an agenda. A singular goal. And that was to announce my succession from the City Council race.”

Ben nearly runs back up on stage but Ann grabs his arm and shakes her head sadly at him. His pleading eyes close in defeat.

“However, now that I have your attention I have more to say. I love this town. I have and always will fight to make Pawnee the greatest place on earth. But you know what? Pawnee doesn’t always love me back. And I’ve accepted that. I’ve used it as my drive to push even harder and to not back down from my dreams for this amazing town and all of you in it.”

She paused and her eyes scanned the entirety of the scene in front of her until they landed on him. She spoke softly and hesitantly, but her confidence grew with every word as she continued.

“But while Pawnee hasn’t always loved me back or appreciated me, there is someone who has. Unfortunately, our being together is forbidden. We tried to deny our feelings. We tried to stay away from each other. But as wrong as we know the relationship looks on paper, it’s pure and perfect to us. I have waited a lifetime to find someone who supports me, loves me and accepts me for who I am. He does all that and so much more. And if running for City Council means that I have to give up that love and support or feel ashamed of it, then the choice is clear. As passionate as I am about fighting for this town, I am even more passionate about fighting for him. For us. So while he tried to do the right thing and let me go to follow this dream to be on City Council, I’m going to choose to instead to follow my dream for him. Because I never even considered that I would find another kind of love that was worth fighting for aside from my love for this place and all of you. So that is what I’ve decided to do. I am going to fight for our happiness and our future because it turns out that is something I am extremely passionate about too. And I don’t want to wait months and waste any more time to be able to begin my life with him...” 

She smiled. A truly, open, genuine smile full of teary eyes and hope. And love. So much love directed solely at him.

Ben shook his head in disbelief as his face mirrored hers. He leaned around Ann to catch the gobsmacked look on Chris’s face as he followed Leslie’s eyes toward Ben.

“I quit.”

He said it without hesitation, his grin never faltering. He ran onto the stage and swept her into his arms and off her feet as he kissed her with everything he had. He heard a few hoots and hollers from below and recognized Ann, Andy and April’s voices immediately. When they finally broke apart he rested his forehead against hers and cupped her face with his hands, rubbing her cheeks with his thumbs.

“I love you so much. I can’t believe you just did that.”

She let out a shaky breath. “I meant every word.”

He pulled back from her and lost himself in the love he saw in her eyes. He hoped she could see it just as clear in his. He nodded to her and laced their hands together as they turned to walk off stage. No matter what happens next, they will face it head on and stronger together.

***********

Leslie set the glass of wine down on the coffee table and snuggled back against Ben, pulling the throw over her lap. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. Neither had spoken for some time, but the silence was comfortable. He was content to just hold her and would be there for her if she needed more. She closed her eyes and settled into his chest, sighing but smiling against him as she squeezed his forearms in silent thanks.

She thought back on everything that had happened the past few weeks. The bad - Ben clearing out his office, her trial and subsequent suspension, the media replaying her speech over and over again. But also the good - using their shared time away from work to move Ben from April and Andy’s into her house. The dates they actually got to go on now. The walks through town holding hands in broad daylight. Night after night of falling asleep in his arms and every morning waking up in them and the smile and peace she felt starting every day in his embrace. Their friends had been supportive, even Chris wept openly at their happiness while the trial was going on condemning their actions.

She was happy. She was in love. And not even election night, as hard as this was to bear, was going to cause her to have one ounce of regret for the stand she took that day at the press conference.   
She turned around to look at Ben and he gave her a sad smile while leaning forward to give her a chaste kiss.

“I don’t regret it. Not for one second you know.”

She looked into his eyes hoping he knew how much she meant it. 

He did.

“I just wish you hadn’t had to give that up Leslie. You deserved that council seat.”

“I deserve you more.”

She leaned into his lips again and turned her body the rest of the way around, straddling his lap as she deepened the kiss. 

It was slow and meaningful and his mind wandered to the ring he had hidden in their room. The one he’d eyed all those months ago but never imagined he would actually buy. He went and got it the day she chose him. He didn’t want to risk it going to anyone else and even though he knew they weren’t at that step yet, he had no doubts that they would get there. He would have asked her that day right on that stage in front of the whole town, but he knew they still had some rough days ahead of them. And while they had made it this far, tonight was election night, and one of the hardest days yet.

They kept the television off, and the lights low and he just held her when she walked into the room with watery eyes and a sad smile. He powered off their phones so they wouldn’t be disturbed and pulled her into his lap where she’d been sitting for the better part of an hour now. 

He wondered as her hands started to unbutton his shirt if he should just say screw it and ask her tonight. Make something positive out of this day. But he didn’t want to use it to distract her, he wanted to ask her because they were finally past all the bad and starting anew. 

The knock on the door halted Leslie’s lips and hands momentarily, but she quickly resumed, silently resolving to ignore whoever it was. 

When the knocking continued and get louder, she pulled back from Ben who kissed her quickly as he slowly stood up.

“I’ll see who it is and get rid of them. Stay here.”

Grateful, she settled back into the couch again to wait for him to return.

The increasingly loud voices shouting from the other room startled her and she got up quickly to see what was going on.

“... I don’t know how it happened! But she did it!”

“...but how is this possible?”

“She never officially took her name off the ballot! And with all the idiotic things Deckhart’s been doing lately since he figured he had the election in the bag, the town voted for Leslie. Ben, she actually won!”

Leslie turned the corner by the door and froze at Ann’s last statement. What was happening right now? She had to be dreaming. There was no way that she was awake.

Ann rushed over to her and grabbed her hands, smiling broadly. 

“Leslie, you won. You won the City Council seat.”

Leslie looked over to Ben who looked just as in shock as she felt.

“I… I won?“ She had no idea what to say, the meaning of that simple sentence not yet computing in her brain.

“Les, look at me. You don’t have time to question this or wonder how this could have possibly happened. There will be news crews here any minute to get your reaction. I need you to grasp this as best as you can this moment and move. You have to get out of your pajamas and be ready to address your town.”

Leslie shook herself out of her bewilderment when she saw the headlights begin to filter in through her curtains as cars began to pull up to her house.

Ben sprung into action. He rushed over to her and paused to take a breath as she stared at him gobsmacked. He rested his hands on her shoulders and gently squeezed to ground her.

“I’ll stall them outside for a few minutes until you’re ready. I don’t know how this happened, but congratulations Councilwoman Knope. You did it.” 

He smiled large and genuine as he kissed her quickly. He watched her face take on a new light as the reality finally sunk in.

“Now go get dressed and get ready to deliver that acceptance speech you’ve been dreaming up since you were a little girl.” 

He buttoned up his shirt and threw on a jacket, still beaming at her as he opened the door to a rush of flashes and shouting. Ann turned her away from the excitement and corralled her up the stairs to get changed.

She smiled wider and wider with each step. For once in her life, she felt like she finally had it all. Leslie Knope’s long awaited dreams were coming true.

And she couldn’t wait to celebrate it all with her sexy, amazing boyfriend standing right by her side.


End file.
